Saturday, 11 June 2016


I hate fake tan.

Not on other people. On other people it looks amazing. And I'm sure it's worth the time they spend doing it.

Not so much on me.

I rarely use fake tan. I will use it if I am getting my pins out for a night out, but usually on my legs only. The rest of the time, I'll rely on a suntan from holidays/the rare sunny day in Glasgow and if I go paler over winter then so be it! Because I really am not a fan.

It's loathsome. And here's why . . .

1) More often than not, it's an absolute BUGGER to put on.
What a fecking palaver it is. You actually have to set aside a large window of time to deal with fake tanning, and some of that involves trying not to touch anything for hours so that you don't accidentally smear it and end up with white bits. Or end up fake-tanning bits of furniture or clothing by accident. Plus, it's really difficult to reach some bits by yourself - your back for example. Nightmare! You end up wishing you were a contortionist just so you can ensure you have an even tan.

2) The biscuit smell.
I like biscuits, but I don't have any particular desire to SMELL of them! And even fake tans that smell lovely upon application still result in you ultimately smelling like a stale tea biscuit. And who wants that? Not me!

3) The hand dilemma
I always end up with a ridiculous hand tan situation . . . I always end up with bright orange hands even though I've tried to wash the shit off me as soon as I've finished applying. But also, when I'm trying to remove the lotion from the palms of my hands unsuccessfully, it usually is a lot more successful on the back of my hand and I end up with horrid streaky bits around my fingers. I know a lot of people use gloves but I don't really understand how that would work either - I'd probably end up with a white line around my wrist that I managed to miss.

4) When it starts to come off
It never comes off evenly. I remember applying fake tan to my legs for a night out once - it was meant to last for a week maximum and it did what it said on the bottle. Apart from my feet. I go to pole fitness once a week which we do in bare feet and for at least three weeks after that fake tan application I had horrendously brown ankles in that class. Mortifying!

5) I'm scared of it
If you use a new one, you just don't know what the results will be. I'm old school and tend to use the ones that are invisible on application, so there's always that unpredictability of whether it will be streaky or not. I know some people use fake tan that they have to wash off after a certain amount of time to reveal the proper tan underneath... that also terrifies me! Oh, and there's also the terror that I'll mess it up if I put it on my face . . . am I meant to put it EVERYWHERE? What if I mess it up? Will foundation hide it?

In conclusion?

It's a necessary evil, yes - unfortunately living in Scotland I can't avoid using it a lot of the time due to the Scottish weather. And with all of the warnings about sun exposure causing premature ageing and skin cancer, it's definitely the better option. But I'm sure others can identify with my issues with the stuff. And please, if you do have any tips on how to avoid the above problems . . . then please feel free to share these with me!!!


  1. i have not try fake tan

    jess x |

  2. I love reading your posts. Keep up the great work! You understand, many people are hunting around for this information, you could aid them greatly.

  3. I never fake tan though I've been thinking about it recently, might rethink that decision! Haha.

    Corinne x

  4. I'm not a huge fan ether - I'm Scottish and pale, so I feel your pain. However, there are a couple of solutions! 1. Get a spray tan - they usually last a week, and the beauticians know exactly what they are doing! 2. Try San Moriz spray - its around £3, easy to apply and doesn't smell too bad! Good luck.

  5. I don't fake tan because a) I'm so pale it'd look weird on me and b) it's so time consuming! xxx

    Jasmine ||


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