Wednesday, 28 August 2013


I'm not good at confrontation. I know it might not seem like that from my blog persona. I like a good rant, don't get me wrong, but my ranting is better carried out in writing, otherwise I get tongue-tied and can't argue properly. I also don't really like people thinking I'm a bitch or falling out with me. I just hate arguments and would rather avoid them if at all possible.  Even if it occasionally means mildly compromising myself (not in a rude way, get your mind out of the gutter, okay???).

Sometimes I think this is definitely to my detriment though as I think people think I'm a pushover and are surprised on the rare occasion that I don't just bend to their will.

Prime example of this was tonight.

As you probably know, I go to a pole fitness class every Wednesday night, and have been for about two years now. And with the exception of maybe five absences due to holidays or illness, I have been to every 5.30pm Wednesday night class that was on for these two years. I have never been to a different time of class.

Recently the class moved premises and downsized to five poles from ten.... and not just downsized in terms of numbers of poles... the poles THEMSELVES have definitely shortened too, although the instructor has been trying to deny this. The place is also much more cramped. But because of the fact there are far less poles now, the class structure isn't as flexible as it used to be. You basically have to tell the instructor if you're going to be at the next week's class while you're at your current class.

Fair enough. However, our instructor is a bit flaky. Last week when we turned up she told us she'd accidentally booked us in for the half seven class, but "it's okay, there's space in this class." Er - thanks for that.... cos it's OUR fault you booked us into the wrong class anyway???

Then tonight me and my sister turned up first and she told us she'd accidentally booked one too many girls into the class and would we mind sharing a pole. My sister said that was fine straight away, but I made it clear I wasn't happy, thinking she would clock it. Which she did. But she just thought we would do it.

Did I mention I pay 35 quid for my weekly class on a four weekly basis? So despite us paying the same amount as everyone else she was expecting us to share a pole? How was that fair. I could feel my blood boiling. So I marched out of the changing room and said I wasn't happy, that the classes were expensive enough as it was without me having to share a pole and get half the benefit and I didn't think it was fair she was asking us to do it.

She was okay about it, and just asked her two friends that come to share in the end (which she should have fucking done in the first place, as far as I was concerned!), which actually makes sense as half the time they all end up trying to do complicated moves on the same pole anyway, but I then spent the whole class feeling guilty that I'd spoken up and basically had a go. But on the upside, I've probably never tried so hard as a result of this guilt and wanting to prove I NEEDED a pole for the whole session.

But this is what happens on the rare occasion I speak up for myself. I end up feeling like shit.

That's not good, eh?

I think I need assertiveness training....


  1. Sounds like you need to find a new place that offers pole classes... that is ridiculous!

  2. I think you were well within your rights. I am like you - I HATE being assertive. I'm always scared of being seen as the grumpy one, or a negative person. "Oh, that bitch has ISSUES".
    Like you, in a rare moment of true assertiveness, I often come away feeling terrible, rather than empowered. I've got to get over this need to please everyone when they don't feel the need to please me!!!
    Good luck on your path to assertiveness :)

  3. Sprinkles - I accidentally deleted your comment when I went to accept it. Sorry about that. :-(

    Kate - I know what you mean, but I'm not a big fan of change and it took me a lot to start that particular class in the first place.

    kez - thanks!

  4. Aaaah that's exactly like me!! When I don't speak up I think of all the things I should've said. When I do, I feel guilty!!


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