I've been feeling really out of sorts since I got back my holiday and I've not quite been able to put my finger on it. I put it down to post holiday blues, or the fact I'm dreading going back to work.
But I feel like it's more than that. I've had a shitty few months, certainly March was absolutely fucking horrendous. The days leading up to my holiday weren't much better either. But I think coming back on Thursday evening to this flat was the straw that broke the camels back.
My sister had her husband to go back to. I had no one.
So that's what it is. I'm lonely.
I'm sure it will pass. It usually does. I go through phases, and I've never been good at dealing with the inevitable comedown after returning from a trip away anyway. At least I don't cry about that part anymore like I used to do when I was a kid. (God, I was pathetic.)
Hopefully the return to routine won't be as bad as I thought, I'll get back to my health kick (as long as I don't die during my crossfit class on Tuesday, that is!), the summer is nearly here (there's sunshine coming through my window as I type so that's optimistic at any rate) and my mood always lightens with the weather.
And before long I'll forget the loneliness and be self-sufficient and back to my old self.
(The fact that I've decided another extended break off alcohol would be a good idea is probably also going to help.)
I've got plans. My body to work on. (Man, does it require a LOT of work!) I need to sort out flat stuff, start getting rid of stuff (as it seems certain I'm moving, whether it's into the ex's flat if/when he moves, or elsewhere - in which case I'll be having to flat-hunt too - eek!), work out ways of making some extra money . . . I'll have other things on my mind.
So why, right now, do I feel like I'm missing out?
Excuse the self-pitying post, I need to indulge myself once in a while . . . and I almost instantly feel a bit better getting it out there.
Don't worry, sarcasm and ranting will return as per regular schedule shortly. Nothing can usually keep me down for long.