The night before I went to Ibiza in August, I made the mistake (or amazing decision- it could be either!) of opening a mail order catalogue I'd been sent in the post. I'm not sure why I received this catalogue in the first place....
Actually, I suppose it's cos I'm one of those idiots who is a sucker for advertising and occasonally stupidly buys things advertised in the National Enquirer (AND buys the National Enquirer for that matter) like Equi-chews. You take a chew every five days and will lose five pounds. Yes. I bought them. And I need to be kept away from those infomercials on most freeview channels in the morning as I am seriously tempted by both the Insanity workout AND the steam cleaner. And I don't like exercise or cleaning, so what does THAT say about me???
Anyway, here is the catalogue in question. It has a woman in a padded bra on the front of it so you know it's really classy, and it's called "Home Shopping Selections." The bra is machine washable and tumble-dryer safe, by the way. Y'know, just in case you were thinking of investing in one. Or all three colours!
So, apart from the beautiful front cover underwear, what other delights are contained inside? Well, I'm glad you asked... (Apologies for the quality of pics by the way.... my battery on my phone was low so no flash.)
The super mini ear.... so, basically, an over-the-counter hearing aid then?
A Manchester United watch. There are no other football team watches in this catalogue. Methinks these folk are biased.
No, don't repel the foxes! I love them.After all...
AHEM! Anyway, back to scheduled viewing now we've got that out of the way (in case you didn't already know.)
And speaking of modesty and cleavage and *sniggger* dirty stuff, this is where the catalogue got interesting.... there were sexy pages!!!!
We have a vast array of sex toys for your sex dungeon. Penis developers and rings, dream eggs, finger massagers and.... wait for it....
....and instructional dvd for Better Oral Sex!!!
And then there's even some fiction available. Titles include Dominatrix, The Punishment Room and (my personal favourite title) DISCIPLES OF THE WHIP!
Yep, that's definitely my favourite section . . .
And I think this is my new favourite catalogue, although I doubt I'll buy anything out of it anytime soon.
Interested in any of these products???