Saturday, 28 April 2012


Last night I was at home and ended up speaking to a guy I used to know on Facebook. This was a guy from school (not F) who I hadn't seen for years. About six months ago he asked me to lunch and I said yes but it started to feel very much like an actual "date" based on various things he said after he'd asked me - so I was deliberately very vague about things. He asked a few times and I fobbed him off as I just didn't feel ready. The last I heard from him was New Year, when he wished me a happy new year, but due to some stuff that happened with my ex on New Year's Eve and an email he sent me that broke me in pieces, I didn't even have the energy or motivation to reply, and I hadn't heard from him since.

I've always felt a bit guilty about this, like he was this perfectly nice guy who I'd been stringing along when really I'd had no intention of going for this lunch with him. So last night I saw he was online and decided to say hi and apologise for not being in touch. It turned out he is currently seeing a girl I go to pole dancing with . . . and he's pretty infatuated with her. So I've clearly missed my shot there, which is something I had always thought could happen.

Yet . . . it didn't bother me at all. I was actually happy for him. With us, the timing just wasn't right and even now it wouldn't be. We ended up talking about this girl and how much he liked her, and I ended up telling him how I thought I might always be single because I'm still too cut up over my ex and how everything ended to even CONSIDER getting into any sort of relationship. It was quite a cathartic conversation actually - it was almost like once we'd taken the possibility of going out off the table, we got a lot out of talking to one another. Well, I got a lot out of it anyway.

It seems like he really IS a nice guy, and I am keeping my fingers crossed that this relationship works out for him.

In the meantime, I'll just keep on trying to cope with the horrid realisation that my ex just still means waaayyyy too much to me for me to move on just yet . . .

Thursday, 26 April 2012


 . . . and I just want a cuddle. Or someone to tell me everything is going to be alright.

Being single and still a little bit broken-up inside is just very lonely sometimes.

Let's go look at links and stuff to cheer me up.

Like this.  (For realsies, this is my new favourite go-to-and-cheer-me-up website.)

Or this. (Still adore this website, although the novelty is SLIGHTLY starting to wear off. Or maybe the animals aren't as funny anymore.)

Aw, feck it. I can't even be bothered looking at funny links anymore.

I'm off to bed.



Sunday, 22 April 2012


Day One: I can't see the appeal in this game at all. Mich tells me how jealous she is that all her colleagues have it on their phones - for the first time, she is almost jealous that she doesn't have a smartphone. I think it sounds like the most boring game in the world.

Several days later: I am lured into trying it out "just to see what it's like". I have no one to play though, so I lure in one of my friends. We spend most of the day playing it. I think it might actually be the best game ever.

The following day: Another one of my friends starts a game with me. I encourage my sister to play it too. I'm loving it. Three games is manageable. In fact, I don't feel like I have enough games going on. One of my colleagues out of the blue texts me to ask if I have the app. I start playing him, and his wife, who I have never met in real life but plays Words With Friends with me.

Next day: I now have games going regularly with five different people. This is becoming surprisingly time consuming. I end up spending the entire evening playing it. Everytime I have cleared all my games, someone I'm playing with takes a turn. It's a never-ending cycle apparently. I wonder how i can continue with real life and still play Draw Something. It seems impossible.I take the opportunity to rant about this on Facebook. The point appears to be missed as I wake up the following morning to find that at least five more people have started games with me.

The number of people starting games with me increases over the next few days. I also find that people are suddenly texting me about the game we are playing (as in people who don't usually text me) as if to remind me that I haven't taken my turn yet.This means I have about fifteen games on the go AND people talking to me about the game we are playing via text. The game is all-consuming and not only is the rest of my life suffering, but so is my phone battery.

My phone screen breaks. Although I'm undeniably upset about this, there is a glimmer of relief on the horizon - the realisation that I am completely unable to play Draw Something.

It's really very freeing.

I have my life back finally. . . .

Do you play Draw Something?


  • ANNOYED - I was at a hen night last night and a microphone landed on my phone's screen, cracking it and rendering it unusable. I've had to use savings to buy a new one as I need one asap. I actually cannot survive without a smartphone anymore - it's just not possible.

  • HUNGRY - I need to eat something. I can't be bothered. See also: lazy.

  • LAZY - I am still wearing last night's clothes, even though it's ten past one in the afternoon. The idea of actually getting up and changing is beyond my capabilities apparently. But needs must as I would very much like some wine and, as I am into day 3 of my long weekend, I think it's allowed today as technically this is my Saturday. :-) I also really should be going to the gym - it WAS my plan, but I'm just mentally not motivated enough.

  • HOPEFUL - tomorrow is attempt number three at getting my Music Magpie stuff collected. These two boxes of old dvds etc have been a bone of contention with me for two months now as it has prevented me from doing any decent cleaning as they are cluttering up my room. If they get collected then I no longer have an excuse AND i can hopefully make back the money I've wasted on having to buy a new phone.

  • LONELY - missing the person I shouldn't be missing again. So much so that when I ran into my flatmates in the hallway on Friday night, I randomly burst into tears. THAT was embarrassing.

  • UNINSPIRED - hence this shitty post. I'm sorry. I just don't feel much like doing ANYTHING right now.

How are you today?

Tuesday, 17 April 2012


One of the things I NEED to have in the gym is good music - I find my choice of tune can definitely motivate me and re-energise me if I'm flagging.

I managed to FINALLY work out how to make a playlist on my Walkman mp3 player the other night and chose some songs that I thought would really motivate me. However, they haven't really provided the kick up the arse I needed. Instead, I have found myself turning to a Floorfillers Anthem selection which my friend loaned me to download ages ago. I'm not a massive fan of current dance music, but stuff from the nineties seems to really work for me. Song like this . . .

Or this. When the chorus kicks in I find myself speeding up every time . . .

And THIS has to be the best motivator I have found so far . . . I think perhaps it's not just the energy in the track itself but also the "motivational" lyrics that help me with this one . . . ;-)

You're welcome!

But, y'know, I need a bit of variety here. So help me out - what are YOUR top workout tracks? Maybe now I finally know how to make a playlist I can dream up a BRILLIANT one with your help. Throw me some suggestions . . .

Saturday, 14 April 2012


 . . . a change is as good as a rest.

A complete and utter cliche, but it's true in this case.

I've been thinking about how I need to get away for a bit. Me and Mich were talking about going on holiday next month and I have a week and a half set aside for this, but funds are low.

So we've decided . . . it's time to return to good old Belfast for a few days!

Next month, we will board a ferry where we will imbibe alcohol at early hours only allowed on holiday, we will head across the Irish Sea and be greeted by our dear friend and former flatmate A! Then will ensue much drunken antics, fun, silly quotes and (hopefully!) some Guitar Hero. (I REALLY hope she still has that!). Drinking out, eating out and I want to go to the zoo! Time I saw some cute animals in real life, rather than just youtubing precious videos of foxes,

I am going to get the bus/ferry tickets booked this week and then it will be official. And I can't wait. I really need a distraction from my own thoughts.

I cannot WAIT for that . . .

Thursday, 12 April 2012


I think I might be beginning to like the gym.

Well, ALMOST like it, let's just say. I don't want to exaggerate TOO much.

Take Tuesday. I hadn't been for nearly a week, despite my good intentions to still go over the weekend. But puking on Friday after Thursday night's excesses resulted in me barely being capable to order a Dominos online, let alone do anything more taxing. Then I felt Saturday morning was better spent finishing the entire final series of One Tree Hill. And then I was away until Monday evening, so it just didn't happen.

On Tuesday I took my gym bag to work, full of intentions to go to the gym afterwards. About ten mins before I could finish, I found myself thinking "maybe I should just go home". I forced myself to go, telling myself if I went, it meant I wouldn't have to go yesterday before my pole fitness class. I jumped on the cross trainer and told myself I'd do twenty minutes. At the 20 minute mark, even though I'd been dying for the ordeal to be over, I decided to keep going for another five. Then another. I got to thirty before I cooled down. I decided that was enough for the day and, as I got dressed for the outside world, I found myself thinking "I WILL come before pole class tomorrow."

That's the thing about exercise. When you're doing it, you don't WANT to be doing it . . . but afterwards you feel that bloody great (albeit exhausted and sweaty) that you want to KEEP doing it.

So yesterday I went to the gym, did 25 minutes on the crosstrainer, walked up to my pole fitness class, tried my best in there, then walked home. I'd told myself I could have a night off today. But found myself thinking this evening "I actually quite want to go again." To be honest, I'm skint right now, and miserable and I guess I might as well make exercise a project. It will keep me on dwelling on the whole my-ex-treats-me-like-a-stranger-and-it-kills-me thing, and if I DO end up going abroad next month (pray for a windfall for Mich, 'kay?) I might be a bit more toned so everyone's a winner. Or something.

But let's share some of the things that are annoying me about the gym thus far:

  • I know I said it was annoying that you had to walk up two flights of stairs to get to it . . . but I can't believe some people choose to take the lift. It seems somewhat ironic . . .
  • The space shuttle doors I mentioned before - I hate how they face into the gym directly as I feel on display when I walk in. Especially since I'm trapped inside the little clear bubble until the door closes behind me. You've heard the term "captive audience"; I feel like a "captive performer"!
  • Somehow it always takes me a ridiculous amount of time to get changed. On Tuesday it took me fifteen minutes between me getting through the captive performance and making my reappearance on the gym floor. I mentioned this to some colleagues and they asked me how this was even possible. I have no idea . . .
  • I am a creature of habit and, although I tell myself I'll get on something other than the cross-trainer, I seem to gravitate towards it. And then once I'm on it. I'd rather just stay on it. I'm sure it's good for me but it might be an idea to mix it up a bit, eh?
  • People walking unnecessarily close to me when I'm on the machine. The other day I was in the middle of a line of crosstrainers and some guy decided to squeeze between my machine and the one beside me to get to the row in front. I panicked a bit as I thought I was going to hit him with the handle thingy, plus he gave me a fright as I wasn't expecting anyone to appear from behind me like that. There was no need for it - he could have walked around the line of machines. Cock.
  • Being sweaty. I hate that. (Especially today when I forgot to bring my towel out of the changing room and had to sneak off and leave the machine all sweaty). I also hate the colour my face goes after exercise. As in bright pink and blotchy. It's really NOT attractive.
  • The fact that I always seem to choose a locker in a quiet place when I get there - and when I return the entire changing room seems to be based around that locker.
  • My idea of machine etiquette means I don't like it if someone gets on a machine right next to me if there are others spare elsewhere (I'm the same with the toilet cubicles in work.). I'm actually harder on MYSELF regarding these OCD manners - this means if there is only one machine available and its between lots of other people, I am reluctant to use that one.

But I'll persevere, despite all my usual whines! Wish me luck!

Monday, 9 April 2012


Recently, I've became a bit obsessed with braiding, ever since I recently saw Love Maegan's tutorial recently on how to do a sideways french braid. I absolutely adored the style, tried it on myself and also loved it . . . but I just felt like I just don't have enough hair to pull off the style the way I want to.  Don't get me wrong, I have by no means perfected it - mine goes diagonally and Maegan's is more straight that mine - but I do love it. I just feel like even if I got it completely right, it still would look better on me if I had more hair.

Luckily, at the weekend, I found a new hair model to play with - my good friend V. She was only too happy to let me experiment on her hair and try out various looks that didn't have quite the same effect on my hair. V has actually done some hair modelling at wedding shows for the hairdresser who did our hair for her wedding last year, so she is the ideal hair model.  I always wanted one of those doll heads that you could do hair and make-up on when I was a kid . . . and now I had a human version of one! So we had a lot of fun.

Firstly, I tried out the same hairstyle I tried on myself, with much more success!

(Yes, there were MANY attempts at this...)

After this, we tried out a fishtail braid. This is a style I taught myself how to do YEARS ago (I was about sixteen and learned it from a book)  but, once again, I don't think it looks as great on my own hair as on someone with much longer hair. It looked fab on V and we couldn't get over how long her hair looked - she has long hair anyway but it almost gave her the illusion of having even more of it. Very Rapunzelesque.

Then I tried out another Love Maegan style - this was one I hadn't tried before AND hadn't watched the tutorial for, so I did have to improvise and it doesn't look a lot like the original - really you need to look at her own style to see what it SHOULD look like, but I don't think it was that far off. This then encouraged me later to try and develop that style a bit further and use those beginnings to create something a little bit more elaborate.

(I should probably mention that this hairdressing session involved some wine drinking - on my part. V was on the voddie - and went on for quite a few hours)

So I repeated the braiding process with the rest of the hair...

Kinda cool, eh???

And this was a final twist on the whole braiding thang.

I am loving all these dos - just wish they looked this fab on me! I can't wait to check out more hair tutorials - it's great fun!

What's your favourite hairstyle to do?

Friday, 6 April 2012

THE FEAR . . .

We all get it from time to time, don't we?

That horrible feeling the morning after the night before, when the events start flooding back to you. Usually hazily, just enough for you to know you did bad, but not quite enough to know all the details.

I'm not sure if that's better or worse.

All I know is . . . since I woke up on my bathroom floor at 6am this morning with my clothes still on and a towel wrapped around me in lieu of a quilt, that's how I've been feeling.

And it's horrible.

Have you had The Fear recently?

Wednesday, 4 April 2012


So although even just a month ago I was definitively stating I was not a gym person, last weekend I did the unthinkable and, for only the second time in my life, joined a gym.

Please - try not to faint. I know it's difficult.

No matter how much I HATED the gym the first time around, I came to the realisation that I'd been in the best shape I'd been in for YEARS those twelve months or so when I actually (somewhat sporadically) attended. So, since my whole New Years Goal to become healthy and happy has somehow slipped by the wayside and been replaced by my usual drinking sessions and bed-lazing, I decided that the time had come to do something. So . . . the gym it had to be.

And, I'll be honest  . . . I'd love to tell you I'm a convert, but I'm not. I'm not sure I ever will be. I find gyms frustrating from the get-go. In this place, before you even BEGIN, you have to walk up two flights of stairs to get to it. If you are walking INTO the gym huffing and puffing, it's not a good start surely?

Then you have to enter a passcode into a door, which opens up and then traps you in what appears to be a big bubble, until the door shuts behind you and the door in front can finally open. I'm not actually claustrophobic, but the idea that the electricity could potentially shut down and trap me in the bubble that I barely fit in thanks to my giant gym bag is somewhat terrifying.

And then there's the whole having to get changed thing. That annoys me. I don't really mind doing it once a week at pole class but having to do it at a gym seems like so much more hassle. I'd forgotten how much. First of all, let's bear in mind that I'm the sort of girl who is reluctant to change out of her PYJAMAS if she doesn't have to leave her house (yes, I have been known to do an exercise dvd while still wearing my bedware.). The effort of having to get changed to work out seems like waaaayyyy too much effort.  Suddenly the aforementioned giant gym bag has swallowed all my belongings and concealed them and I have to pull EVERYTHING out to find what I'm looking for. Then I actually have to CHANGE. Oh dear god.

And we haven't even GOT to the actual tiresomeness of working out. Or all the nuisances surrounding oneself out in the actual gym part of the gym.

(Yes, a How To Annoy Me In The Gym post is an inevitability, I'm afraid. Yay.)

Are you impressed that I even joined though? Want to give me some working out tips? Or share what your favourite machine is? (Mine is the cross-trainer/elyptical thingummyjig. I'm sooo down with the gym lingo, eh?) Do you like the gym? Were you prepared for so many questions?

Oh fuck it. Just pick one of 'em and answer me, goddammit! ;-)

Monday, 2 April 2012


The weather is doing my tits in at the moment. (Not literally.)

Last week when it was really nice, it was always mega cold in the morning. Like, I'd wake up, get dressed, go outside and it was like 2 degrees. So I'd dress as if it was winter, get to work and a few hours later it would be about 16 degrees hotter. So it was going from actually having frost on the ground in the morning to "Glasgow summertime" weather by midday.

I mean, how the FUCK is one meant to dress appropriately for the weather when it's went from winter to summer in a matter of hours? ??

Today was the reverse. I woke up, it looked sunny outside. I put on my new dress (work is always sooo much more fun when I have something new to wear), flung on a cardigan and headed outside. It was really nice. After about five minutes I walked past two guys who were throwing things into a van.

"Why are you dressed for the summer?" one of them decided to ask me. "Don't you know it's meant to snow today?"

"It's not cold enough," I responded. Idiot.

After work, I met up with my mum. I swear to god, it got chillier and chillier. I was FREEZING by the time I got home. I almost wouldn't be surprised if I woke up to snow tomorrow.

But seriously - how am I meant to know how to dress in the morning??? Last week it was cold then hot . . . this week it's hot then cold! I can't win.

But at least my new dress is cute . . . ;-)