Thursday, 29 September 2011


Statcounter is the goddess of all websites. Mainly because I get to have a laugh at some of the search engine terms that seem to lead people here.

So what have I found today?

***"people swimming too slowly"
I'm curious. Are you looking for advice on how to speed them up? Or how to hurt them? I just wish you'd provided a WEE bit more information, because this is just frustrating for me. Do you hate them too?Or are you one of the people I was ranting about???

***"embarrassing thing that happened on the subway"
Oh yeah, that probably involved me. I am the Queen of doing embarrassing things on the subway.

***"irish dream cocktail"
I don't know what this is, but it sounds like something I would really enjoy! I imagine it would have some Baileys in it... I like Baileys.

***"xmas party cheating scotland"
I'm not an expert on the cheating part but I have been to a fine share of xmas parties in my life. And silly drunken incidents. Although I don't know if you were looking for that, or just for a justification to cheat at a xmas party.

***"drunken madness"
speaks for itself really.

***"I chew on my sleeves"
I don't really know what to do with this. I don't chew my sleeves. Sorry. I can't help.

***"monthly visit from Aunt Rose"
I'm guessing you were googling the film Sugar & Spice. That's where I got that saying from. Yup, it's my go-to period phase.

The one I'm utterly disturbed by though is this one: "young little lolita girls 2to9 nude photos". Seriously??? Who DOES that???? And I'm a bit upset it actually lead someone to this blog. Just - no. No.

Have you had any funny and/or disturbing searches carried out on your blog recently? Feel free to share. And if you don't have a way of tracking this - sort that shit out. Honestly, you'll be glad you did!

Monday, 26 September 2011


In a little over a week, on Tuesday 4th October, I will turn 32.

This seems weird to me. It feels like only yesterday I was thinking how weird it was to be turning 30 and leaving my twenties behind. Now I'm well and truly in my actual real thirties. Like I said, weird. I can't really handle this getting older thing.

Sure, physically there ain't much of a difference between being 29 and nearly 32. Apart from a few more grey hairs than I had - and I'm actually quite lucky in that I don't have that many of those - I'm actually in better shape than I was at 29, and I haven't noticed any extra wrinkles. Although I've been VERY negligent with my skin recently, so THAT'S actually a miracle in itself.

My time of being 31 has been a strange one. I spent the first three months stressed out, around six months pretty damn happy, and the last third of it has been a bit shit again. So perhaps, on the balance, I'll be glad to see the back of 31.

I'm also glad that I don't need to worry about trying to organise a night out for it, since midweek birthdays are always awkward. You don't want to have your night out during the week, but then do you have it the weekend BEFORE or the weekend AFTER? (I personally prefer before.) And what do you do? Where do you go? Will anyone turn up?

Instead I'll be celebrating, for the second year in a row, abroad. Last year it was Spain, this year it's Portugal. Which is a country I've never EVER been to before (I've been to Spain now 11 times I think - if you count the Canary Islands and Majorca as well as the mainland, so it will be nice to have a change, albeit just to the country next door) so it's new territory for me.


Anyway, this is just the ramblings of an insane woman who can't sleep, so I'll get some audience participation going.

If you were going to buy me a birthday present (and, no, I don't expect you to ACTUALLY buy me one!) what would you buy me? Answers on a postcard (or in the comments section) please!

Sunday, 25 September 2011


I don't think I could ever have a one-night-stand.

It's just not in my make-up. Maybe it's something to do with losing my virginity so late on (24, as I'm sure I've mentioned before.) Or my Catholic upbringing. I dunno. It's not like I'm a prude or anything. And it's not like I don't want guys to see me naked. I actually sometimes feel more confident with my clothes OFF than my clothes on. Nothing to spoil the lines, y'know?

I need to be familiar with someone (and, yes, I know you can have a one night stand with someone who you are familiar with, it doesn't have to be a stranger, but let me finish!) and already have shared a large element of intimacy with them already. Emotional intimacy, y'know? I need sex to mean something. I need to be pretty clear it's going to happen again, that it's worth it.

I don't judge people who DO have one night stands, by the way. In some ways, I'm a bit envious. It might make my life easier if I did. It might make it easier to get over relationships for me, give me something else to focus on.

Kissing three random blokes over the period of a month isn't exactly the same thing. But it's all I can handle right now. It's been four months now since I was last PROPERLY intimate with a guy, and I imagine it will be probably quite a bit longer than that before it happens again. But I'm okay with that. For now.

After a break-up, it's not the sex I miss. It's the relationship.

That still holds true now, sadly. But I'll be alright.

Eventually . . .

Saturday, 24 September 2011


I'm up at crazy o'clock (okay, 8 am) on a Saturday as I'm waiting for some very important deliveries. So I thought I'd take this opportunity to post about something that has been bothering me for a few days now - the execution of Troy Davis in Georgia this week.

Troy Davis' case had passed me by until Wednesday, when I became aware of it thanks to Twitter. I read up on it and was immediately pretty appalled that someone was on Death Row for murder with so little evidence actually pointing to the fact that he had actually committed the crime. And, judging by the fact so many others were tweeting about how horrible it was, I was not alone in feeling this way.

By the time I woke up on Thursday, the execution had taken place and, sad though I was in general anyway, hearing that just made me feel worse.

The idea of the death penalty has always bothered me.

I don't really believe in the whole "eye for an eye" idea of it. I believe in punishing those who commit horrific - and not so horrific - crimes. But I don't think death is the answer, even if the person has killed others. I believe, in a lot of ways, it could be seen that death is the easy way out. Shouldn't the criminal have to suffer for the rest of his life, as long as that may be? I believe these people should be locked up on solitary and be made to LIVE with their guilt for as long as possible.

But here's the other thing that bothers me . . . the idea that not only can a person lose their life due to a crime they committed . . . but they could lose their life due to a crime they may NOT have committed.

From what I have read of this case, there was little evidence that Davis actually killed the cop. Statements made at the time had been retracted, fingers had been pointed at the guy who actually fingered him for the crime in the first place. Obviously the fact that there had already been several stays of execution in the past few years shows that there had to have been a distinct lack of proof. But he died anyway.

I'm not saying he DIDN'T do it, by the way. How would I know? I wasn't there. I'm just saying that without much proof, an execution seemed like a pretty tough penalty. (Understatement of the year, much???)

I think the most horrible part of it, for him, must have been waiting to die. Knowing it was probably inevitable. FOR OVER TWENTY YEARS!!! Apparently one of the stays of execution was granted only 90 minutes before he was scheduled to die. What would that do for the state of someone's mental health or emotional state? I think I would have gone insane by this point. If Davis DID commit the crime, he'd probably suffered for it quite significantly already just due to all the uncertainty.

By the way, this is not a dig at America. I actually read an article (see here) which pointed out that the death penalty is only used in extreme cases and is actually far more humane than the death penalty in other countries. And the journalist in question DOES have a point. I disagree with most of the rest of the article but that is at least true. People are executed for far less heinous crimes in other parts of the world, and in much more horrifying ways. And that is an even scarier thought.

I, personally, just don't believe the death penalty is a solution.

What is YOUR opinion on the death penalty? Are you for it, or against it?

Wednesday, 21 September 2011


No one commented on my blog post yesterday and that made me feel sad.

I know it was a lazy post, admittedly. Finding links already on my netbook to three video clips and posting them is a bit shit frankly, even if I thought they were funny. But I needed cheered up.

Tuesday is usually my bad day, and yesterday, frankly, wasn't all that great, as per.

But . . . today? Today felt even worse.

I spent the afternoon trying to stop the tears escaping. Which is frankly embarrassing, especially as the tears set off the snotty nose, which meant the constant nose blowing was probably drawing more than a little attention to the state of me.

Even my pole dancing class couldn't take my mind off my misery, the way it usually can. All my problems usually go out of my head then while I try not to make a fool of myself on the pole. Not today.

And then my eyes kept welling up again on the way home. I was struggling, once again, not to cry.

I don't really know what's wrong.

Well, I have my suspicions what the root of it all is.

But, when it comes down to it, I'm responsible for my own happiness. I can't let the actions of others affect me, no matter how hard it is. I need to at least TRY to be happy.

I suppose.

Tuesday, 20 September 2011


It's that time of the week - funny video time! Yay.

Feel free to share anything you've found funny this week!

Monday, 19 September 2011



I am going to Portugal in less than two weeks, baby!!!! If anyone deserves a break, I reckon I do!!!

My family. I love 'em. My mum is taking me on holiday. My sister never fails to make me smile - especially when she pretended the hand dryer in Glasgow Central station was sucking her in tonight. My dad and brother are awesome too. And don't even get me started on my fab friends. Love them all. :-)

Oh, and I randomly bonded with my flatmates last Thursday night. About bloody time, eh???


I still feel sad way too often. Today I felt like I'd actually forgotten how to smile. (Well, until the aforementioned sister incident!)

Drinking all weekend with Mich was fun at the time, but I regretted it quite a lot this morning. It caught up on me bigtime.

I'm upset that I didn't actually steal the mini wine carafe from the pub last night. I put it in my bag. I then took it out to prove it, and apparently never brought it home. Gutted.


I have less than two weeks to get a bikini bod. OH. MY. GOD.

What are YOUR Good, Bad and Uglys??? Feel free to share in the comments. :-) Or just let me know how your weekends were? Or just validate me in general. Whatever, really!!!

Thursday, 15 September 2011


Today I fell in love.

His name is Danny. I met him in the Co-op store on Great Western Road (minutes before I got ID'd for the second time in less than two weeks - yay!). He is ADORABLE. Big beautiful eyes and his SMILE . . . wow, don't even get me started on that. One glance at him and that was it. I MELTED.

I wanted to grab him and take him home with me.

I doubt his mother would have let her six month old baby out of her sight though.

Did you see that twist coming??? :-) Danny was the cutest little baby I'd saw in ages. So adorable that I actually broke my "don't talk to strangers while sober" rule to ask his mum all about him.

I love babies. I really do.

Now, don't you look at your screen in a knowing "Oh look at that, Paula's getting broody" kinda way. I get that from my sister all the time. I'm not broody. I've ALWAYS loved babies.

I'm just not sure I want my own.

There's several reasons for this. One: gaining weight. I have enough body issues as it is. Two: no alcohol? For more than nine months??? Terrifying. Three: the idea of being responsible for another human being. I can barely look after myself. Four: the loss of my freedom. Five: the fear I'd be a terrible mother anyway.

I know people say you forget about all this stuff when you have a kid.

But I'm just not ready.

I may be 31, I may be surrounded by girls around my age having babies, but I'm not ready for it. I'm not sure if I'll ever be.

I don't have any sperm anyway. :-)

I did love Danny though. Sigh . . .

How do you feel about babies?

Tuesday, 13 September 2011


So at the moment, I am ridiculously broke.

I've never been good with money. Don't get me wrong - I'm not HORRENDOUS with it. I don't have any loans or any credit cards. The only debt is my overdraft, which I inevitably go into every month. But I live one monthly salary to the next with no savings to show for it. Since I rent rather than own a flat, I'm flinging money (some might say anyway!) on top of the money I already squander on bottles of wine, books and dresses.

But in the last few months, things have gotten worse. I suppose getting dumped three months ago didn't help. I wasn't used to having that much free time anymore, what with balancing my friends and family and work with a guy who actually seemed to WANT to see me more than once a week (a rarity for me!) and I couldn't STAND to be myself. Ergo, I spent a lot of money on making sure I was out of my flat and with other people as much as possible. This gradually added up and next thing I know I'm nearly four hundred quid overdrawn (and that's not including the 100 quid that the lovely Mich kindly loaned me) the day before payday. Dear God.

And I'd love to say that I plan to take it easy this month - and I DO plan to TRY! - but there's stuff I NEED to pay for. Like getting my watch fixed (I'm not coping without it - I keep looking at my wrist and wondering where it's gone), paying for an upcoming trip to Liverpool, buying one of my best friend's birthday presents, buying a (belated) wedding present for the wedding last weekend. There's other stuff as well I'm sure, but I can't remember off the top of my head.

Oh, and let's not even get started on the fact that Christmas isn't that long a way away . . .

So I need to make another plan. I need to work out a way to MAKE MORE MONEY. Not loads. Just enough to let me keep my head above water. I have a couple of ideas. I can sell some cds and dvds. I have tons that I don't watch. I have probably quite a few unused beauty products and clothes around that I can probably pap onto ebay and get a couple of quid for. Me and Mich were today discussing if there was anything we could start MAKING - y'know, like jewelery, or pillows, or customised knickers (that one was inspired by my Bridesmaid knickers I was given - see yesterday's post for that photo). I also have an account on Ciao, where I partake in the occasional survey and write the occasional review. Don't get me wrong though, that's no money spinner. It's pocket change when it comes down to it. If that. But every little helps! (I currently have £2.45 in that account, woohoo!)

Anyway, this is where you all come in. I'm looking for suggestions. Ideas of way to make a little bit of extra cash. The best places to try and sell your crap online. The best websites where you can make a little bit extra money by doing a survey or doing some searches or clicking on some links. And, no, I'm not going to turn to prostitution, so don't even bother your arse to suggest it. Thanks!

Monday, 12 September 2011


  • Travelling up to Inverness on Friday morning with the groom's family, most of whom I'd never met before. One of the funniest car journeys ever, I felt like I hardly stopped laughing the whole time. Which is pretty good when it's more than a three hour journey!
  • Meeting the woman who is obviously the very image of what I will be like when I'm nearly 80. In other words, she likes her drink. I loved her. She is my soulmate!
  • Drinking a LOT of champagne on Friday evening. But not having a hangover on Saturday. Which was a good thing since I was up at 6.45am on Saturday morning.
  • Being late for the wedding. Because the bride's DAD was running late, not the bride. Haha, that makes a change from the norm!
  • Having a surprisingly easy time of it making random small talk with lots of strangers. I guess the fact there was a free bar for part of the day helped with that . . .
  • Taking one of the wedding guests up to my room to show him how nice it was. And then jumping on him*. Oh dear. I seem to be making a habit of this recently . . . He WAS hot though. And I was drunk (you may have guessed that fact after my previous "free bar" comment . . .)
  • Dancing the night away.
  • . . .Then falling asleep on the sofa in the hotel's drawing room. Oops. Oh wait, I don't actually remember that bit. (In my defence I HAD Had a very early start - 6.45am, remember? - and a LOT of wine. And it was WELL after midnight by that point.
  • And, best of all, getting to see one of my best mates having one of the best days of her life and marrying her soulmate. And she looked absolutely STUNNING.

Awwww . . . :-)

How were your weekends, lovelies???

*I've realised my choice of words here may have given people the wrong impression about me. It was just a kiss. I don't do casual sex. There'll be a post up on that shortly. Just wanted to clarify that!

Sunday, 11 September 2011

10 YEARS ON . . .

Time flies doesn't it? Nothing demonstrates this fact more so than the fact that today, September 11th 2011, marks the ten year anniversary of the atrocities of 9/11.

Has it REALLY been ten years? It seems like only yesterday that 21 year old me came home from a crappy job interview in Dundee, and was informed by my mum that planes had crashed into the World Trade Center. Being unemployed at the time, I sat for days and watched the horrors of the planes crashing into the Twin Towers, saw all the footage, saw people desperately searching for their relatives . . . and I cried for them. Floods and floods of tears, even though I did not know one person involved in the tragedy. I read newspaper articles about victims who were described as people who had so much to live for . . . and who lost their lives as a result of these terrorists.

It WAS horrible, and it still is even now.

A lot of horrible things have happened since 9/11. There were the bombings in Spain and in London. The failed terrorist attack virtually on my own doorstep in Glasgow four years ago. Places like Palestine and Pakistan where terrorist attacks seem to happen so often they don't really seem to be mentioned to us.

But nothing has EVER shocked me more than the events of September 11th 2001.

I'm not sure anything ever will and I HOPE that I won't be more shocked by anything else in my lifetime, because I don't think ANYONE would want the world to go through that again.

Where were YOU when it happened?

Wednesday, 7 September 2011


So I'm at lesson five of pole dancing now.

It's, remarkably, starting to come together. Three weeks ago, a niggle in my arm prior to pole dancing class, followed by a slight pain during certain moves in pole dancing class, forced me to cancel my class two weeks ago at the last minute. So when I went in last week, I wasn't expecting much, only to actually have improved considerably at two of the four moves I'd learned originally.

Miracles DO happen I guess.

The improvement in my game was enough to make me want to go back for another block of four lessons though. Which was a double edged sword as I can barely afford the thirty quid for a block. But anyhoo...

But tonight... I was facing my biggest challenge. For after four lessons at the BEGINNER beginner level, I was now moving onto the INTERMEDIATE beginner level. Which meant four new moves to learn. Eek. Considering I had barely mastered the FIRST four, I was not optimistic.

However, I was amazed to find I was actually far BETTER at a backward hook than a forward hook and have almost got it down pat in one session. Likewise the star jump and the striptease move.

The one that is holding me back though is probably the one I will NEVER master. And it's, in theory, probably the simplest.

The one where you jump up and wrap your legs around the pole.

This has been my main problem - NAY, MY NEMESIS! - since day 1, and I'm getting more and more frustrated with it by the day.

I've went down many a fireman's pole in my time.

At adventure playgrounds as a kid, dirty!!!!

I guess the difference is, then I wasn't having to jump UP on the pole, just wrap myself around it and slide down. Far easier than the pole dancing version.

As me being able to do this actually depends on me being able to complete any more advance moves in future, I really need to (literally) get a grip on this move!!!

Oh and in other news, I reckon I'm going to have bruises ALL OVER MY LEGS tomorrow.

Good thing my bridesmaid dress for my friend's wedding on Friday is full length, eh???


I seem to be in the minority that when a box of chocolates is handed around, I go immediately for the strawberry or orange fondant filled ones.

It's actually quite handy, because I then get the biggest share of them. Result!!!

But I don't really understand why so many people don't like them. How can they prefer caramel filled, or nutty, or coffee flavours over the deliciousness that is strawberry or cream filling???

Each to their own, I guess though.

This is such a filler post. (Or is it a "filling" post, ba-hahahaha.) I just can't be bothered thinking too much right now about anything other than the utterly superficial. It hurts too much and makes my head ache.

What's YOUR favourite in the box of chocolates?

Monday, 5 September 2011

REJECTION 101 . . .

Last Friday night, I went out for dinner with one of my friends. It was meant to be dinner and a couple of drinks and an earlyish night. Instead it ended up turning into an out-until-virtually-closing-time kinda night. Fair enough. The fact I woke up on my bathroom floor is irrelevant to this post.

Over the course of the night, we popped into a rather sleazy pub in Sauchiehall Street where my friend assured me the drinks were cheap. We each got a Kopparberg, which we quickly regretted, as there was a lot of drinking in one and we had quickly realised the place was like a cattle market and were desperately drinking as fast as we could so we could escape without wasting out money. Soon enough, a guy was next to us trying to chat us up.

Not particularly successfully. He was clearly drunk, obviously a sleazy bastard and EXTREMELY self important. He kept making reference to the fact that he lived in Malta normally and was only back in his homeland for the Scotland game the following day. I think he thought the Malta thing would impress us. We were polite enough but were clearly not interested in him. My friend is taken and I'm . . . well, we all know my story.

As we made our excuses and went to leave, he said "I'd like to say one last thing before you go." He pointed at my friend. "I can tell," he slurred at her, "that you are much younger than HER." He pointed at me to emphasise his last word. He looked back at my friend. "I think you're in your twenties and that you" he pointed at me "are in your thirties."

Now, seriously, was there any need for that? First of all, my friend is a good bit younger than me, but we don't look THAT far apart in age. For another, a guy SHOULDN'T mention a girl's age, unless she brings it up. And, as far as I can, he was doing it because he thought it would bother me.

It DID bother me. Not because I think I LOOK my age. I know I don't. I got ID'd in Waitrose buying a bottle of wine the other day, ffs. But I don't particularly think it was his place to comment.

As far as I can see, he through this out-of-nowhere bullet at me because he was pissed off I wasn't interested. Now I could be wrong, but this isn't the first time something like this has happened. It seems that some guys can't actually handle being rejected, even if they haven't been DIRECTLY rejected, and they then need to say something rude to make up for it. In fact, as I type this, I realise I read a similarly themed post by a fellow blogger just the other week . . . it isn't just me his happens to!

Have you ever had this happen to you, or saw it happen to someone else? Do you think there's actually any need for it? Just deal with the rejection - or go bitch about it behind the person's back! But don't go drag them down just to make yourself feel better . . .

Sunday, 4 September 2011


So . . . recently I decided to subscribe to the whole kissing-another-man-to-get-over-another school of thought.

Well, technically, I believe it's "get under a man to get over another" school of thought. But I prefer to be on top. Joke - I have too much repressed Catholic guilt to go that far. I think a snog is enough really.

Anyway, this wasn't the first time. When me and Mich went through to the Fringe in E/burgh a few weeks ago, apparently we both snogged our rickshaw driver after I vastly over-tipped him (as in a 100% tip. Fairly excessive). Can't remember this, although Mich assures me he was cute. I'll have to take her word for it. Since the whole "not remembering" thing kind of hampers me actually knowing. (In my defence, we started drinking at 9.30am that day and this was more than 12 hours later...)

But this time... I remember this time. It was slightly closer to home (as in pretty much around the corner) and it was okay, I guess. But it wasn't anything special. I knew when he put on Soccer AM on tv when we woke up (yes, i may not have done anything more than kiss him, but I stayed in his flat, okay? It was like 1 in the morning before we even started kissing, ffs!) that he wasn't for me. I'm not into BLOKE blokes. (Plus he was a Rangers fan, which made the football fixation even worse!) But I still welcomed it as a distraction. A way to keep my mind off my ex.

So it actually, unreasonably, ANNOYED me when i realised that he actually has a thing for another girl. I don't know who the girl is, I have my suspicions, granted, but I was really a bit pissed off about it. My ego was completely bruised. And it was so CHEEKY of me to be annoyed by it since I was bloody well using him in the first place. Sure, I found him attractive, I won't deny that. But he wasn't the guy I wanted to be with. I was just killing time.

But I apparently have this double standard where it's okay for ME to go for second best, but not okay for HIM to do so.

At least I admit it, I guess.

What it comes down to though is this: I feel like I've spent my whole life being second best, or just not good enough. At least when it comes to guys. I'm not particularly high maintenance, I'm understanding, I don't throw strops all the time for no reason. Maybe this is to my detriment. Maybe I should become a needy psycho for them to want me. I don't think that look would work on me though. I'd rather just be me.

I don't want to be second best. I don't want them to be SETTLING for me.

I just want someone to accept me for me and there not to be any fecking doubts!

Is that so wrong of me???