Thursday, 4 August 2011


The pole dancing disaster I refer to in the title is, of course, myself.

I've thought about trying pole dancing for years now, but I never quite got around to it. I'm not sure why. The expense? The fear of hurting myself? The fear of HUMILIATING myself? Possibly all of the above?

Anyway, thanks to a friend of mine persuading me to give it a go, I went along to it yesterday evening. I think, secretly, I was hoping I would be a natural. That it would be breathtakingly easy, that I would take to it like a duck to water like a . . . stripper to a pole? Hmmm.

For what it's worth, a male friend of mine chided me slightly for taking part in pole dancing, implying it was against feminism. I have no interest in going to a club and dancing around a pole to titilate men or have them stick wads of ones in my thong. Although I'm not going to judge anyone who does do that either. (Although I judge the men.) I just think the art of pole dancing itself is fascinating. The tricks and stunts people can do on them are immense. And do you know what? They're bloody difficult to do. (I have a newfound admiration for pole dancers.)

As I discovered with the very first move I tried out on the pole. This simply involved me hooking one leg around the pole and sliding around it. I say "simply". There was no simple involved. I kept accidentally wrapping myself around the pole at a strange angle because I could not for the life of me get my other leg to lift off the ground as I slid. It was firmly wedged onto the floor no matter how hard I tried. As if superglued.

The next move involved grabbing the pole then jumping up and wrapping your legs around it at the same time. I watched the instructor do it and it looked so bloody easy. UNTIL, of course, I tried to do it myself. Then I realised that it was deceptively simple. And also killed my thighs to death. I wager I will be covered in bruises shortly, if not already.

The third move, another variation on sliding around the pole, was probably my most successful one, but once again I was hindered by being unable to convince my other foot to come off the floor. And the last one, which involved hooking yourself around the pole and performing some sort of dual windmill kick with your legs? Well, I still haven't worked out whether my arms OR my legs should go during that one!

Oh and considering it was over 20 degrees celcius for a bloody change, the poles, the room AND MY HANDS were sweaty as fuck. Which is not exactly going to help you grasp onto the pole at the best of times, and is going to make you spend half the session running a towel over both your hands and the pole, as well as your stressed-out "I can't do this shit!" brow . . .

All in all, it was a bit of a disaster. The only saving grace was that the poles were split between two rooms and the way it worked out me and my friend were in a room ourselves with just two poles and one instructor. So at least only two other people saw me humiliate myself. Phew.

I've been told that everyone is like this at first, but I find it frustrating. I HATE not being good at things immediately. Which is weird, since I'm clearly not naturally athletic - the only sport I have ANY semblance of talent at is swimming, and even THAT is limited. But, for example, I remember being obsessed with Wimbledon at one point and convinced that if I picked up a racquet I would be the most brilliant tennis player ever - and when I picked up a racquet for the first time and swung it and missed pretty much every ball aimed at me, I suddenly realised I was crap and would have to WORK at it if I wanted to be good . . . and that was just frustrating.

I guess that's how I feel about pole dancing too. I wanted to be able to grab the pole and be able to do the basic moves instantly, without having to put the work in. And now I realise that will just not be the case. But, despite being a bit downheartened about it all, I AM looking forward to giving it another go next week.

Because it is a pole FITNESS class, we had floorwork to do too, and are encouraged to do this part of the workout at home during the week, just to help work on our core and arm strength etc. So I will try and do that religiously to see if it helps at all. Man, I could really use my own pole though.

I suppose I could try the moves out on the nearest lamppost though . . . :-)

Have you ever tried out pole dancing, or wanted to? And if you HAVE tried it, are you any good at it? Any tips???


  1. I have been curious to try it but after seeing a thing about it on a tv program, and seeing how REALLY hard it is...i think i'll stick to my yoga.

  2. Haha I know it is meant to be really hard! Keep at it tho, you'll be swinging round the pole in no time :) x

  3. Haha sounds fun... I think! I would be very amused if I were the person discovering you dancing on a lamppost...!

  4. A couple of coworkers of mine went to a class last summer. They had a blast, but it was hard and they haven't gone back since. I am glad you had fun. :)

  5. I've always wanted to try. I made a promise to myself that I'd finally DO IT this year... but it's August now so I gotta get moving....

    Props to you though for trying!


  6. Never done it and never had a desire to.

    In high school, I joined the school dance team. Had never danced before! Yet, I somehow managed to convince myself that I'd be excellent at it and probably even be voted team captain.

    Um, yeah - that didn't happen. I discovered about 10 minutes into the first rehearsal that I have absolutely NO coordination and that I had no business being there. I hated it but my dad wouldn't let me quit. I didn't even try after awhile because I was so embarassed at how horrific I was.

    I'm 100% certain that people made fun of me behind my back about how truly awful I was but thank God they never did to my face.

    I think if I tried to pole dance, it'd be very much a repeat from the dance team experience.

  7. I must say I’ve dabbled in pole dancing waters once or twice (solely for recreational purposes; there’s no way I’d be able to make a career of it), and it did NOT go swimmingly. Not that I had gotten many offers to be a dancer but in these times I wanted to be able to keep my options open. Unfortunately for me, this one was ousted almost immediately.

  8. this made me look up some "pole dancing fail" videos on youtube. some of those moves look like you could get seriously jacked up!

    if nothing else, it looks like a more entertaining work out than going to the gym.

    good luck!

  9. I have to be honest and say that I KNOW I have a serious lack of athletic abilities, and for my back's sake, I will never try pole dancing.

    Now, if we talk about strip-teasing, that might be a whole different story ;)


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