Wednesday, 29 June 2011


You probably know that I am, and have always been, a bit of a Facebook addict. The stalking potential of it IS fairly amazing after all. But one of the things I've not really been able to get my head around recently is this onslaught of strangely named pages that my friends have been "liking". Often they appear in my facebook feed and I just think "what the fuck? who even THOUGHT to start up that page???"

Would you care me to show you some examples of these pages/groups? Yes? Well, okay, I will!

join if you have stepped on a stair that wasn't there
(I'm sure I've been guilty of this more than once - hopefully only while inebriated - but I probably wouldn't admit to it)

Saying the entire alphabet because you can't remember what letter comes next
(I don't think I do this - but every time I phone up the helpdesk in work I have to work out my surname's letters in the phonetic alphabet in advance so I don't start saying things like "S for . . . um . . . Silly, H for . . . um . . . Honey" and have all my colleagues laugh at me. Is there a facebook page for that. Should I form it? Would you "like" it if I did?)

I'm never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
(Spot the deliberate - I hope - mistake in that one)

My haggis brings all the Scots to the zoo and they're like och aye the noo
(Actually, THAT is the best laugh I've had all night; I'll probably never be able to listen to "Milkshake" with a straight face again!)

(Does a parking barrier count? Oh, actually I technically DID walk into a lamppost once. Sort of. But I'm still not liking/joining!)

I did not hit you. I simply high-fived your face.
(Same thing. No?)

If U start 2 miss me remember I didn't walk away, you let me go
(I actually would kinda like the message behind this one, if it wasn't for the text speak, which negates it somewhat.)

Sticking your finger in someone's mouth when they yawn

Do you have a favourite Facebook group or page you have noticed recently that made you laugh or think "wtf?" Please, oh please, share!!! (And yes, I WILL play the "I'm ill and depressed, please cheer me up with this" guilt card . . . Oooh, perhaps THAT should be a facebook page too!!!)

Tuesday, 28 June 2011


I'm a fucking merry ray of sunshine at the moment, aren't I? Just call me Pollyanna. Use a sarcastic tone if you want. Or don't. I'll probably answer anyway.

It's not secret that I'm not a particularly positive person. Don't think I ever have been really. Even in my primary one class photo, I was the grumpy little bugger sitting in the middle of the picture. I've said on here, and also in real life, that my glass isn't just half empty, it's COMPLETELY empty. Because I drank it dry. And the rest of bottle.

(So, a negative person AND an alcoholic. I'm garnering up quite the nice image of myself here, aren't I???)

Anyhoo, so if you've even only been reading my blog for a mere number of weeks, you will know that my life, which was ticking along very nicely (for a fecking change!), went rather tits up when June arrived. One of the worst things that happened was that my health (the health I've taken for granted my whole life) started to go downhill, to the point where I ended up in A&E two weekends ago. THAT was fun. And then they lost my pee.

Yes, I know I said the other week that I thought they might have lost my pee. It's official. They actually DID.

The surgery who I was meant to be phoning for the test results weren't particularly apologetic about the whole thing, even when I told them the symptoms I had been suffering from previously had returned. They just said "well, all we can say is sign up for another GP as soon as possible" and washed their hands of me.

Lovely. I mean, I know they were doing me a favour in the first place because they didn't HAVE to let me leave a sample. It was the out of hours GP who saw me and they aren't meant to do this at the hospital, but because I was leaving for London the following day, they made an exception. The thing is though, by telling me they would DO me this favour, I figured they had a duty of care to me. After all, I had placed my health (and my wee wee) in their hands. But no.

Anyhoo, over the course of that day, I started to feel much better and I went through the weekend without incident. Went to hotel overnight and had spa treatments courtesy of the lovely Mich, along with watching Bridesmaids and eating mexican food. Felt fab for most of it. The pain started returning again on Sunday night, hung around yesterday but was fairly mild, then when I woke up this morning, it had gone.


Not for long though. Throughout this month of on-and-off pain, I've noticed that sitting exacerbates it the most. And although I got through the morning without too much hassle, by lunchtime I was on the phone to my Mummy, asking her what she thought I should do.

We eventually decided that, since I'm not signed up with another Glasgow GP, it would probably be most efficient to contact the GP I AM signed up with, in my hometown, for an appointment. Preferably as soon as possible. It wasn't ideal but I knew that the guys in my work wouldn't mind me going (they WANTED me to go, in fact, more than I did) and it's not THAT far away. And it was a small price to pay to find out what the hell was wrong with me.

So I phoned the docs and asked for the next available appointment, preferably as soon as possible. I was offered next Monday morning.

The minute I hung up the phone I started panicking. Although I've been coping with this pain on and off for nearly a month now, I suddenly felt like Monday was way too long for me to have to wait. So I did something extremely unlike me.

I phoned back and pleaded as to whether or not they could fit me in sooner. Luckily in the meantime they had a cancellation for Thursday afternoon. Still not ideal, but far better than having to wait until Monday and have this hang over me, especially I'm meant to be going away this weekend.

As someone who never really has had call to have to go to the doctor before, I have been given a bit of a reality check by the NHS in general this month. The way you are treated when you go to A & E out of desperation (ie the horrid receptionist who told me I was speaking too fast and still managed to get half of my details wrong), the fact they always ask you if you've spoken to your GP (which, as I have just proved, is actually quite difficult to arrange), trying to get an appointment in general . . . I'm not even all that confident I'll be diagnosed correctly because I'm sure the doctor in out of hours thought there was nothing wrong with me and only gave me the antibiotics for the UTI to get rid of me - either that or a five day dose just wasn't enough.

In the meantime, I am freaking myself out with the possible options. Is it just a UTI after all and I just need a stronger, longer dose? Is it kidney related (which was mine, and others, original suspicion, but was poo-poo'd by the doctor). Is it both? Is it some sort of other infection? Or an ulcer? Or something even more serious?

I really really hope not. On top of everything else going on in my life right now, this is the last thing I need.

I wish I could rewind to the end of May and make everything right. I'm not sure what I could do, or how I would do it . . . but if I could, I would be happy and healthy again. That's all.

Monday, 27 June 2011


I don't know what's stressing me out the most anymore:

Is it the fact I could cry and/or fly off the handle at the tiniest thing?

That I'm sick and I don't know why?

That I have no idea how on earth I am going to get all my work done over the next few weeks?

The fact that . . . no. I can't even go into that one again. It just hurts too damn much, even a couple of weeks down the line.

Or is it just all of it? Why is it that all the shit always decides to crap on you all at once? It's always a big shitty fucking mess and there doesn't seem to be a way out of it.

Sunday, 26 June 2011


Many of my former classmates seem to have became teachers, and so in the run up to this weekend, my Facebook feed was clogged up with people boasting about their six and a half weeks off work. (I'm not slagging them for this, you understand; if it was me, I would be facebook-smearing it all over everyone else's face.)

So understandably, I've been a little jealous. I WANT BIG LONG HOLIDAYS. Secretly, I possibly also want to be a teacher. It would probably beat admin work. And my parents are both retired teachers so perhaps it's in my blood. So in order to stem the jealousy, I have been telling myself the following:

1. I couldn't be a teacher anyway because I find it nigh on impossible to talk to groups of people. More than two or three at a time and I stutter over my words (if not completely lose all comprehension of the English language), and blush so much I'm practically purple. And this would be the same no matter WHAT age the children I was teaching were.

2. I find it really hard to explain how to do things. And my patience can wear thin pretty quickly when trying to show someone how to do something anyway. It ain't ideal.

3. I would have to take my holidays at the same time as the kids. Which would mean the likelihood of me meeting fellow colleagues/pupils on holiday are going to be pretty damn high. Seriously. The times I went on holiday with my mum when she was still a teacher, we nearly ALWAYS ran into someone she knew. Don't you go on holiday to ESCAPR your work?

4. In addition, holiday prices during school holidays are always far higher.

5. If I am on annual leave for a mere WEEK I don't particularly want to go back when my time is up. If I was on annual leave for six times that, I think you'd be dragging me kicking and screaming back to work!

So school teachers, I'll try not to be jealous of your holidays because of all of this. I'll try really really hard. Even though I have no idea when MY next annual leave can possibly take place as it looks like I'm going to be snowed under for AT LEAST the next five weeks.

Big massive sigh . . . :-(

PS Just caught a massive typo after publishing there. Instead of "snowed under", I had put "snogged under". Hmmm. Freudian slip, perhaps?

Thursday, 23 June 2011


I am so over being sad but right now I just can't find my way out of this slump. It's like I'm stuck in a deep well and can't escape.

I keep questioning it all in my mind. Perhaps it's only just sinking in property now.

I just feel like shit. Life is shit.

I know I'll come out of this ok in the end. I always do. I'm stronger than I look.

But right now? I'm just feeling sad and pissed off and lonely.

Tuesday, 21 June 2011


is this one . . .

Coupla points . . .

1. Neyo - if I was a cannibal, I would eat him alive. Actually, cannibal or not cannibal . . . he looks immensely edible.

2. Pitbull. Um yeah. Also.

3. I would like to be one of the girls in that video getting the "give me everything tonight. We might not get tomorrow" treatment. At least it's honest. And I could potentially have the option to tell my story.

4. The female singer Nayer reminds me SO MUCH of the late Aaliyah. Just me?

Sunday, 19 June 2011


So remember how I ended up in A & E last weekend and ended up having to pee in a cup twice?

Well, I was meant to phone the doctor's surgery midweek to get the results of my sample. I ended up unable to do it until Thursday, what with me being in London until Wednesday night and forgetting to bring the doctor's details with me. So on Thursday afternoon I managed to get through and ask the receptionist for my results.

She informed me that although I was on the system as a temporary patient, there was no result there for me. I was told the doctor would call me on Friday but that hasn't happened.

I'm now a bit worried that they've lost my pee and it's roaming about Glasgow somewhere. Someone has suggested it's probably got so much alcohol in it that it's been appropriated by an alcoholic tramp desperate for his next fix.

I suppose that's a possibility . . .

Saturday, 18 June 2011


The physical pain is gone now. Which is FANTASTIC. The problem is, it was a good distraction from the other stuff, and now it's gone I can't help but focus on all the emotional stuff that has gone on in the past week or so.

So I'm lying in bed and crying.

Maybe later I'll get up off my ass and do something. But for now, the crying thing seems like the best plan.

Wednesday, 15 June 2011

A & E . . .

Last week was fairly hellish but worst of all? It resulted in me spending Saturday morning in A & E.

Not that I'd taken matters into my own hands or reverted to drastic measures, you understand. I had just been sore for a week or two, felt that there could be a potential kidney infection going on there, and since i was going to London on the Sunday, felt like I should do some damage limitation just in case.

What bit was the worst? Hmmm. Well, being talked to like I was an idiot wasn't fun, for a start. As I nervously bleated out my details to the brusque receptionist and she interrupted me saying "Can you slow down please? YOU know your details. I don't." (Funnily enough, despite her snarkiness she still got loads of my details wrong, i later discovered). Having to walk around with a cup of urine in front of other people isn't much of a laugh either. Neither is being informed that you'll have to make ANOTHER sample. And then have someone outside switch the light off in your loo while you're trying to do it, so you have to pull your pants back up so you can presentably open the door and ask them in as polite as way as you can possibly manage to switch them back on. Then feel the pressure of knowing someone is waiting outside the door for you to finish peeing.

Then to get to London after other trying stuff in between and, in less than two days, have a horrid reaction to the cocodomol you're taking which makes you feel first faint/dizzy then have two puking incidents which actually ruin one of your nights in London and make you - GASP! - not even want to drink alcohol!!! (AND go to bed before midnight - another rare side effect!)

Good god!

Anyhoo, I'm back now. Broken slightly but not beaten. Overwhelmingly sad. But I'll survive.

Now just need to have some wine and get some sleep and hopefully my all-over-the-place emotions will be fixed.

And fingers crossed I don't have to go to that horrible A & E place anytime soon . . .

Thursday, 2 June 2011


I'm sure I've mentioned before that when a random stranger winds me up, whether it's on the street or in a shop or basically ANYWHERE, that they tend to reappear a few times afterwards. For example, a person might be annoying me in one shop, hanging around behind me whenever I'm looking at something, then reappear in the next shop.

In this story, I could therefore appear to be the one who is doing the annoying. But I'm actually not.

My shopping list was simple. I needed tortilla wraps, sour cream, some sort of crispy chicken and juice. That was all. A quick pop-into-the-Coop-and-back-out-in-two-seconds type of jolly. Instead I found myself becoming a stalker.

A girl on her phone, from the moment I walked into the shop, kept getting in my way. She was barely actually doing any shopping, just wandering along and randomly stopping to talk further. BUT SHE KEPT STOPPING EVERYWHERE I NEEDED TO BE. She was in front of the bread section. Then the sour cream section. She (thankfully) bypassed the frozen food section. But when I went to the juice section - oh wait, there she was again! AND SHE WASN'T EVEN BUYING JUICE!!!

Outside the shop, there's building work going on and therefore a very small skinny passage along to the end of the street. And OF COURSE, she was right in front of me again, dawdling along, faffing about on her phone again!

Seriously, why couldn't she just put it down for like two minutes, do her shop and get the fuck out of my way??? In those five minutes or so, I have never hated anyone more. And worst of all, it looked like I was being the annoying one by trying to get something from all the places she decided to randomly stand. Grrr.

Anyway, yes, rant over. Sandwiches are in the title because I am using those ingredients (minus the juice - that would be gross) to make tomorrow's lunch. My favourite. Breaded chicken, sour cream and cheese in a wrap. Yummy. It always makes work more bearable when I have a delicious sandwich to look forward to.

Which leads me to ask . . . what is YOUR favourite type of sandwich? Either home made or not. Feel free to share!!! :-)