Saturday, 24 December 2011



All my deliveries turned up (or I was able to achieve them) and the only person I forgot to get a present for is my brother in law. Ooops. Everything got wrapped this afternoon (I meant to do it last night but one quick drink when work finished at 3pm resulted, almost inevitably, in me not remembering getting home and passing out with my coat on at around about midnight) and I'm feeling quite satisfied with myself and sipping some sparkling elderflower presse. Yum.
I like to think I'm quite a good present buyer. I don't know if I actually AM, but I put a lot of thought into gifts so I like to think that people will like them. One of my main problems is that I do have a tendency to assume that because I like something, the other person will, and that's not necessarily a good thing! But who knows! I tried not to overcomplicate things this year because I lleft most of the present-buying so late. Some friends are getting bags from my favourite new bag place, Nica - I couldn't resist buying myself a "present" on there too - mum is getting a zumba kit, my dad a book and some vodka, the brother dvds and some Jack Daniels, dvds for Granda . . . it's my sister's present I'm most proud of though!
Lynne, if you have decided to pick today to read my blog, please stop reading now or it will ruin the surprise!
Have you stopped yet? Okay . . . here it is!
So here's what I got her - an eyepencil set from Floozie (great colours eh?) dalmation print earphones (amazon), a zebra print wine glass (I just found out today her husband's parents have given her a leopard print one, but she says he's always breaking them so it can't do any harm to have two - I got mine from a seller on Folksy); some cute Floozie socks (Debenhams) and . . . my favourite two parts of the overall present . . . a bird print coin purse I bought from Fossil while in London earlier this month; and, last but not least, a cute owl ring from Tatty Devine. I would absolutely love both of these things for myself (I'm hoping that doesn't mean I'm buying based on my own wants and not hers again) and have struggled not to keep them, but I'm hoping she really loves them.
Sometimes I really do think that the giving is better than the receiving. I love the looks on people's faces when you feel like you've got them exactly the right present

I hope you all have an amazing day, whether you celebrate Christmas or not. I'm sure an update on the presents I receive, reaction to the presents I give, and a run-down of whatever random selection of foods we have for Christmas dinner THIS year will be imminent.

PS apologies for the post being all crushed up., I had no idea how to fix it!

Thursday, 15 December 2011


A pet hate of mine (I know - I have many) is when a delivery company try to deliver something when you're out and decide to just leave it with your neighbour.

Fair enough if you've stated that they can do so while you are in the process of ordering. Or fair enough if you live in Ramsay Street, Erinsborough for example, and everyone knows everyone else anyway and walk in one another's houses without knocking and never lock their doors.

But I have NOT stated I want them to do this, and I live in a tenement flat where I barely even know my own FLATMATES, let alone my neighbours.

The thing that irritates me the most is that it is then up to me to try and get the damn parcel back. And most times the person in question doesn't answer their door, so I end up leaving a note on the door just asking can they drop it inside my storm doors (or through the letter box if it fits) - and this usually happens, eventually.

Yesterday I got two dresses delivered, and since neither my flatmates or I were in, they were left with a neighbour in the basement flat. I didn't know this until I got home last night not long before midnight. So I could hardly pop down then, and I wasn't sure if i'd be around tonight either, so I left a polite note on their door explaining this and asking if they could do the whole dropping off behind the storm door thing for me.

There is still no sign of this package.

It better appear soon as I need to see if either of these dresses will do for my night out on Saturday night. I can't go there NAKED after all. Well, I technically could but i'd probably be 1) cold and 2) arrested.

Stupid delivery companies. Stupid neighbours. Stupid dresses that probably won't fit anyway.

Stupid everything. :-(

Friday, 9 December 2011

UM . . . HEY . . .

Do you remember me? *shuffles feet, looks around shyly*

I'm that girl who used to come on here and alternate between random rants and acute bouts of virtual depression. Sound familiar?


Oops, sorry, I've been neglecting these here parts of late. There's been a lot going on in my life recently - some good, a bit more of it bad. But I'm still here; I'm still breathing. I'm still imbibing wine like i'm worried it might run out and I should make sure my bloodstream continues to have a (un)healthy supply of alcohol running through it.

I'm just back (pretty much literally!) from a work trip to London for the past five days, which was actually really good fun. Here's some shit I learned:

  • Deciding to take the stairs out of Covent Garden underground is practically a suicide mission. There are WAAAYYYY TOO MANY. I had to take a break before I reached the top to, I dunno, actually BEGIN BREATHING AGAIN! On the upside, I probably worked off my dinner in terms of calories before I actually ate it.
  • Wahaca (a Mexican tapas-y type place in the aforementioned Covent Garden) is actually fab. Delicious food, great service, although you can't pre-book. I don't like that part. But it's worth a go if you're in London.
  • I don't see Miss H enough. I had an ace time with her hanging out in Camden (and then passing out on her early on - *insert ashamed face here*) and am going to BULLY her into coming to Scotland very soon. Because she has NEVER BEEN HERE!!!! (Naughty)
  • It's very satisfying not to be in your own country when the snow strikes there, as well as the brilliantly named Hurricane Bawbag of yesterday. Although I DID miss out on getting sent home from work early. But when it comes down to it, I'd rather have avoided the extreme weather than get any other perks.
  • Living off expenses is probably a good way to make one pile on the weight pretty damn quickly. I feel like I end up eating more than usual just for the sake of it. Oops.
  • Oh, and once more, I am reminded that I am far more resilient and strong than I tend to give myself credit for. I've been through a bit of an emotional turmoil this past two weeks, and I'm still not feeling one hundred per cent, but I still worked my ass off, AND managed to have a good time. Pat on the back for me!

What have you all been up to, my lovelies?

Friday, 2 December 2011


I pride myself on being fairly quick-witted, but it is unnecessary insults from random strangers that tend to result in me becoming pretty tongue-tied and slow. Possibly it's something to do with holding back from actually TRYING to come back with something equally insulting because they might, y'know, PUNCH me or something.

The one that annoys me the most is when you get someone (usually a wee girl ned who thinks she is hard) making some sarky comment about your (actually very nice) clothes - usually along the lines of "NICE boots" or "NICE coat" to her friends within hearing range of you. The "nice" part of the phrase is clearly sarcastic, and is destined to make you feel bad about yourself . . . ESPECIALLY if you were already feeling slightly insecure about your sartorial choices that day.

So I've figured out this brilliant comeback, and I'm dying to use it, but it's been a while since this has happened to me. (Well, I THINK It happened to me and my sister last weekend, but neither of us were sure enough that we hadn't misheard - and we didn't actually know what "NICE" part of us was being slagged off - to actually retaliate.) But here it is . . . maybe someone else could try it out?

Next time some little DICK-FOR-BRAINS makes a sarcastic "NICE something" comment, reply with this:

"NICE face!"

Then have a quick look at the face, frown and feign embarrassment.

"Oh sorry!! Um - my mistake."

And then run away before they hit you.

Let me know if it works, okay??? ;-)

What would YOUR comeback be to one of these sarky little c-words???


Just don't feel much like posting anything right now.

Sorry. Would just rather crawl up in a ball and drink and/or cry than do anything else.

Normal service will resume shortly. No idea when. But . . . yeah.

Sunday, 13 November 2011


I've discovered something pretty amazing about myself in the past month or so.


I actually cannot believe it. Up until now the only thing I could make was spag bol - I mean, technically I was using a jar of sauce but I added a lot of chopped up veg and herbs and shit (not ACTUAL shit) to it so to me that involved effort and was therefore cooking.

Although I suppose I have to make an effort to get a takeaway by powering up my netbook or hanging about a chippy waiting for my order to be ready . . . but THAT'S not cooking. Hmmm.

I've always been a bit scared of cooking I guess. Everything always sounds so complicated! I'm not sure what some cookery terms mean and lists of ingredients tend to intimidate me as they're always so LOOOONNNNG, and I rarely have most of them already.

But I figured . . . I'm 32 years old, I need to start being healthy and not living off microwave meals and Dominos pizzas.

Anyway, I started off easy, one day I really wanted enchiladas. So I made them. I used a kit, granted, but it was a start.

Then a few weeks later I was craving quesadillas (I've been going through a bit of a Mexican food phase I guess). I couldn't find a kit for that so I had to improvise. I made cheese, chorizo and spinach quesadillas and, if I say so myself, they were delicious. I told a work colleague about them I thought they were that good. She wasn't sure what a quesadilla was, but after I explained I got her craving them too and then she ended up making them herself!

Then came the chili con carne. (See? Mexican again!) That was COMPLETELY from scratch. And I pulled it off. I've pulled it off on two separate occasions now.

The tuna and brocoli fritatas which I stole off the Harcombe Diet website are in the oven cooking. I made some for lunches last week and they were AMAZING! I was so sad when I finished eating my serving; I just wanted more!

And last night I made a curry (from the Harcombe Diet recipe book this time - although it's also on their website). It was meant to be butternut squash curry but I made mine chicken instead. COMPLETELY from scratch, I have never made curry in my LIFE before . . . and it was delicious. I had it for dinner last night and for lunch and dinner again today.

I am soooo making that again!

Anyway, what next? I need ideas! It can't be anything too complicated or involve things I don't like (I disapprove of fruit in savoury meals and I'm not a big fan of prawns) but I don't think I'm cutting anyone's options down TOO drastically. So what's your favourite meal to cook, and what should I try next???

Saturday, 12 November 2011


*** The Only Way is Essex - I genuinely have no interest in it. I am constantly reading about the so-called "stars" in it and I've yet to work out the point of them.

*** The X-Factor - this is actually a first for me. Every other year I've got sucked in by thinking "oh I'll just watch the auditions" and then next thing I know it's the live final and i've watched every single bloody episode and wasted every weekend from September until Christmas. This year, I have somehow managed to avoid it and it's sooo freeing! I have no idea who any of the contestants are, I don't need to watch glorified karaoke singers murdering once-decent tunes, AND I don't have to put up with an ad break every five minutes. Result! (Oh, and I've also came to really loathe Kelly Rowland. So there's another silver lining in not watching.)

***Strictly Come Dancing - the show where z-list celebrities go to become more famous - or shag a dancer. Either/or.

***I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here - like Strictly, this is the OTHER show where z-list celebrities go to become more famous . . . or prove that they really WILL Put anything in their mouth. I have no desire to see someone eat an insect or a kangaroo's bollock. What's next? A koala's penis???

***Eastenders - it's the TV soap equivalent of Coldplay. In other words, it's so depressing it makes me feel mildly suicidal. At best.

***24 - I know it's not on anymore, but at the time I was sick of it. It was the longest day of MY life too just trying to watch it!

What TV programmes do YOU hate that everyone else seems to like??? Please feel free to share. :-)

Friday, 11 November 2011


"and when it's over, and it's gone, you almost wish that you could have that bad stuff back, so that you could have the good."

Weird how it's the completely superfluous bit of this video that actually has the most truth in it, eh? Available from amazon: We Found Love

Saturday, 5 November 2011


I'm 32. Thirty freaking two.

Occasionally that really freaks me out, because I'm definitely a YOUNG 32. I get id'd often, I live like a student , I'm quite definitely single, I've never had a long term relationship or any other sort of commitment like a mortgage (unless a mobile phone contract counts?), my room is strewn with empty wine bottles (okay, it's generally cava, which makes me feel SLIGHTLY more of a grown-up, I'm not sure why, but still!), spend hours on Facebook, go out on week nights, spend my weekend days in bed rather than going for walks or trips to IKEA . . . I'm definitely not a proper adult.

And a lot of my friends are younger than me too, and I never really give that any thought.

But occasionally I actually feel my age. Or feel like OTHER people are feeling my age.

Like last night, for example. Earlier in the week, some of my flatmates had decided we should have a film night, and I had no plans made for last night so I decided to pop along to one of their rooms to watch some chick flicks.

As they perused the selection of films available, they came across a ten chick-flicks in one type dvd boxset. "Oh I've never watched any of them," the girl it belonged to said dismissively. "They all look rubbish."

I felt my face fall. "But Girls Just Want To Have Fun is on it," I pointed out.

(Sidebar: it may be cheesy and star SJP when she hadn't worked out how to tame the frizz in her hair, but it's one of my favourite films of all time. Girl and guy from different sides of the track? Check. Controlling father? Check. Spoilt rotten rich girl who eventually gets her comeuppance? Check. Random dance sequences? Check. IT HAS IT ALL, PEOPLE!!!)

I tried to explain to them that when I was 16, my dad had recorded the film for us (it had been on in the middle of the night) on our VCR. The following day had been a snow day and me and my little sister had decided to watch it. We loved it so much that we watched it four times in one day. And even to this day I own the DVD.

Still, this failed to convince them. We ended up watching French Kiss instead.

I still couldn't believe that they had dismissed Girls Just Want To Have Fun so out of hand though. To me, it is a classic cheesy 80s dance-genre movie.

But then that was when I remembered . . . I may only have been about seven when the film first came out . . . but NONE OF THESE GIRLS HAD BEEN ALIVE WHEN IT CAME OUT. I was born in 1979 - most of them weren't born until the nineties!

Talk about making myself feel old!

And later, when the film ended, we were talking as the credits rolled and the year French Kiss was made appeared. 1997.

"Oh, you're probably the only one who really remembers that," one of the girls said teasingly to me.

"Yeah, that was the year I started uni," I replied, feeling old once again.

"I started uni in 2006," the oldest of the other flatmates said.

Shoot. Me. Now.

I'm thinking I maybe should start lying about my age. I reckon 26 would be a fairly believable age. Yeah?

Are there ever points when you just feel "Oh my god I feel so OLD"??? Or is it just me?

Friday, 4 November 2011


The childhood saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" is one of the STUPIDEST sayings in the world, as far as I'm concerned.

It's the words that really hurt. The sticks and stones are merely superficial (in most cases) - they glance off you and they may leave a bruise or even a scar . . . but these fade.

In my opinion, words hurt more . . . and for longer.

It's amazing how quickly a well-chosen putdown can break down your defences and cut to your core, right? Eat away at all your insecurities, make you feel two foot high.

Obviously sometimes people just say something off-the-cuff, thoughtlessly, that they may not necessarily mean (god knows I've done that often enough), and I try really hard not to take these incidents to heart. But when a person MEANS it . . . when they've CHOSEN to say it . . . then that's a completely different matter. Then you know it was INTENDED to hurt. And who does that???

I take things to heart too easily, I know. I do it time and time again, and as much as I try to steel myself against it, it always breaks down my barriers. I particularly dislike when I feel like someone is being dismissive towards me. It hurts even more - because then I feel like my opinion - or me myself - doesn't matter.

I'm made of stern stuff, but I still bloody hurt all the same. I can bounce back, but the emotional scars don't leave.

This isn't brought on by anything that occurred today or even in the last few days. It's something that has been festering in my mind over the past few weeks and it's only now I actually remembered to post about it.

(I felt I had to post that disclaimer because otherwise it sounds like I'm being cryptic again. I'm not. I'm just venting.)

What about you? Do you take other people's hurtful comments or dismissive behaviour to heart, or have you learned to let it slide? If so, please share how you do it!

Monday, 31 October 2011


There's lots of silly little things I'm worried about. Like insects flying into my ears, especially moths (let's face it, it could happen.) Or nearly standing on a leaf that turns out to be a frog (has happened more than once, smack bang in the middle of Queen Margaret Drive, so it's actually a fairly rational fear. And frogs freak me the hell out.) Or dying alone. (That one is probably not so silly, now I come to think about it.)

But the most recent one, which is actually possibly developing into not so much a worry as a potential full-on phobia, is that I have became quite worried that I might one day be hit by a flying bird. And I'm not talking about their droppings - been there done that. I am actually occasionally gripped by the fear that a bird is just going to lose control mid-flight and swoop right into me. Usually right into the side of my head, although occasionally I wonder what would happen if it just hit me in, I dunno, the bum or something.

It makes me really nervous around birds. Although I've always been a bit paranoid about them as I'm convinced they have some sort of agenda.

Has this ever happened to people in real life? I don't necessarily mean to someone reading this (if you get here by googling, then I'm sorry, I can't actually help you with birds-flying-into-your-head problems) but has it ever come up as like a story in the news or something? "Girl struck by flying bird, impaled on its beak", that sorta thing?

Is this a totally weird thing to be freaked out about? Or has it ever crossed your mind?

I mean, BEFORE you read this, obviously . . .

Sunday, 30 October 2011


I've been waiting since the end of March, when the clocks went forward, to get my hour back. I know technically I never lost it but it felt like it.

So today I FINALLY got it back. Yay!

I feel like I've made the most of it. I woke up early, did some (very mild!) housekeeping, then went out for lunch. AND bought a new pair of boots and some pale grey nail polish - meant to buy some of the latter for AGES so finally!

As for this morning's ramblings... well, let's just say I was possibly still drunk from last night but I'm talking purely hypothetically. Don't get me wrong, there's things going on in the background but . . . I'm not sure whether I want them to. I'd rather get drunk and listen to music for now...

Depressing tunes over... here's a cheesy 80s one which I also love... :-)

And a less depressing Ed Sheeran one... :-)

What are you listening to right now? :-)


They say that when one door closes, another opens, don't they. And that's usually the case, I've came to find.

Sometimes, however, you're just not quite ready for the door to be opened yet.

Then again, maybe you weren't necessarily wanting the first door to be closed in the first place, it was just slammed in your face.

So you can end up dithering over whether to open the next door, or whether to just stay in the corridor for a bit.

And sometimes, you think about trying the next door, but it just seems . . . not quite the right time to open it yet.

The problem is, by the time you decide it is ready to be opened, you could find yourself locked out.

Timing really IS everything, isn't it? I wish everything could just operate on MY timeline - selfish I know, but in an ideal world . . .

Just something I've been using my extra hour today (the clocks went back) to consider.

Would YOU open the next door even if you weren't sure you were ready?

Wednesday, 26 October 2011


I'm getting better!!!! I am!!!!

I keep ending up with bruises, and as of last week managed to get some sort of friction burn on the skin on the inside of my right wrist . . . but I have almost mastered this new block of moves. I say "almost" - I mean "sort of". I say "mastered" I mean "I can execute them, but without much finesse or style". There's one move that is still outwith my grasp, but I'm getting there.

My friend who I started with went onto the next four moves today (I still have another week of these current moves to go) and I'm a bit scared about some of those. She's doing well, but she has done the class before so is better at it anyway.

But it WAS nice to realise today, when one of the newer girls was despairing about not being able to jump up on the pole and slide down it, that it really DOES improve. Mainly because, on my 11th week of pole fitness, I myself managed for the first time to do that complete move. The one I was taught on my first class and gradually (FINALLY) manage to improve at. I am improving by the week at something I thought at the start of August I would NEVER be good at, and nearly three months later I am relishing the fact that I've found something I really want to work at perfecting.

AND the fact that it is a pretty good workout at the same time... well, that is an added bonus!

So, here are the moves I've been working on. (No, I am not in the videos. And sorry they talk so much.)

This first one is called The Chair. I couldn't even remotely manage this the first week - my legs wouldn't even come off the ground. Then miraculously, last week, they lifted off the ground. I nearly fell down due to shock. I can't really rotate around the pole and make it just over half a rotation before I have to put my feet back down, but I'm working on it!

Tuesday, 25 October 2011


Once again, all is a bit crap. I have a lot of conflicting stuff going on in my head and my life. It's not good. I sometimes feel like drama follows me everywhere I go. I am trying to work out how I feel about a certain thing and because I DON'T know, I am trying to work out how to not lead anyone on without burning my bridges. It's a horrible thing when you know you're really not ready for something, but then you worry that if you give up the opportunity, it might pass you by and then you'll regret it.

But then, the grass is always greener on the other side, eh?

Well... maybe not. :-) (Sorry, I have been waiting to use that Stewart Lee clip for YEARS now. I love him.)

Anyhoo, time to share my new all time favourite website, and if you haven't saw it already and go based on my recommendation, I hope you love it as much as me. Have you ever saw a picture of an animal and imagined what it might be SAYING In that picture???

Well, I never have, I'll be honest, but after seeing that website I find myself doing it all the time now.

ANIMALS TALKING IN ALL CAPS is the funniest tumblr site I have ever happened across.

Let's check out some of my favourites:
Then there's the one I knew that Mich would love...
This is one that reminds me, for some reason, of Lemon Gloria's blog posts -

AND THIS ONE . . . IS MY ULTIMATE FAVOURITE. Everytime I am unhappy, I will look at this one, and it will make me smile.

I wonder if they ever DID make it to the library that day... :-)

Do YOU love this website too? If so, please share your favourite. If not, go and find one! :-)

Friday, 21 October 2011


Now I'm over the post-holiday blues, I thought it was time to post some pictures of my recent birthday-holiday to Portugal . . .

Me with the marina behind me on my birthday. It was a longer walk than I expected it to be. I got a little bit sunburnt just from the walk!

The Old Town in Albufeira. Isn't it slightly ironic that you get down to the Old Town by way of an escalator? Sort of an oxymoron really...

We went on a cruise of the coast of the Algarve. This is some of the coastline, viewed from the wild waves of the Atlantic!
The roundabouts in Albufeira had some pretty cool sculptures on them. This was one of the coolest. I wish I'd taken pictures of more of the roundabouts. It is such a cool idea to make them look good, roundabouts are so functional otherwise...

The pool around the back of my hotel. I never went into the water, but it was fun to lie beside it with my many books.
The rock formations in Portugal caused by erosion are pretty phenomenal. Here is a particularly phallic-shaped one on a beach that I couldn't resist sending to my equally-dirty-minded friend...

Me with the Old Town behind me.

That was the first time I'd ever been to Portugal and I loved it. I would definitely recommend it.

What's your favourite sunshine destination?

Sunday, 16 October 2011


Today's random list includes weird social stuff that I'm not comfortable with:

  • formal events - weddings especially. (Although my recent experience of being a bridesmaid was actually my LEAST awkward wedding experience. Probably all the alcohol helped.) Talking to strangers. Potentially turning up in the same outfit as someone else. Being seated next to someone you hate at dinner. All these fears conspire to make me considering avoiding any that I'm invited to.
  • walking into a pub myself - this has always been an issue for me - unless I have specific coordinates of where my friends are sitting, I hate to do this. My first date with an ex, he told me to meet him in the pub. I didn't have the nerve to tell him I didn't like to do it. I walked into a busy pub, walked around looking like an idiot, and managed to walk right past him. Embarrassing...
  • eating/drinking in public alone - I mean, I can sit and eat a sandwich in a park, for example. But going for a drink alone, or to eat a meal alone in a restaurant . . . I just can't. Only twice have I ever sat in a pub myself, and both times it was because I didn't really have a choice. And I felt REALLY awkward, like I was on display. (When in actuality probably no one even noticed.)
  • having to phone people I don't know - I get really nervous if I need to phone a customer service department about something. I don't like phones at the best of times, but I hate having to explain myself to a stranger. I get all stuttery and embarrassed, and am slightly convinced they're having a laugh at my expense at the other end of the phone. Once I actually cried on the phone! Mind you, that's because Paypal were accusing me of owing 1000 pounds, and I was stressed out of my nut. So that's my defence for that one!
  • small talk - just in general. Unless I'm drunk. Otherwise I will just be awkward. This is probably one the main reasons why I have avoided hairdressers for years.

How about you? Is there silly social activity that makes you want to curl up in a ball and hide under your duvet rather than have to do it???

Friday, 14 October 2011


You can wake up and feel good and on top of the world (or mildly hungover, exhausted, but generally okay, which is a FAIRLY good equivalent) but the post-relationship phase can throw you curveballs indefinitely.

It's not even my HORMONAL time of the month, yet I still find it happening regularly.

And, even in my happiest moments . . . I just know it's going to be a mere matter of hours before I'm going to break down again.

Like now.


I'm strong. I'll get there. I just . . . miss.

Thursday, 13 October 2011


I was having a kinda shitty day today, so even though it's not payday until tomorrow (and I am, predictably, broke) I decided I really wanted to treat myself after work. I had no idea what I wanted to actually BUY though, but after a trip to Primark to see if they had my favourite ballet pumps, I found my calling.


Considering the amount of time I spend in bed (that sounded wrong - I MEANT because I'm so lazy!) you KNOW it makes sense.

I got a bit over-excited and kept picking more and more up, and eventually had to narrow it down. Primark, for all its faults, has a FABULOUS choice of pyjamas (it also has a large range of onesies, if you happen to be in the market for one of those - just an FYI). I bought three pairs in the end, one which was a pre-matched set, and two lots of separates. I HAD to make sure I had a top for each bottom - apparently that's something I'm weird about, although I will happily mix and match any which way when I'm in a hurry to get to bed and/or inebriated.

So the PJs . . .

I have these ones on right now, so you get a pic of the cool graphic on the tee. I bought some uber soft matching dark grey trousers to go with these. Sooo comfy!

Pretty! Not that there's anyone to disturb me really but who cares about the specifics???

Yup, Moody but Marvellous. This set sums me up pretty well.

I might not have anyone to share my bed with, but that doesn't mean I can't look good while sleeping alone, right???

How do you feel about pyjamas?

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

KARMA 101 . . .

Two weeks ago, me, my sister and some friends were having a premature birthday celebration by going to our new favourite pub quiz. The prize for winning the quiz is a bottle of vodka or a case of beer (which I, drunkenly, misheard as "a quesadilla" - which wouldn't actually be the WORST prize really, right?). But the real prize comes in the part AFTER the quiz is over.

They do a "Play Your Cards Right" game, where you get seven cards and have to guess whether each one is higher or lower than the next before they are turned over. You get a chance at this game in the order of where you placed in the quiz and the prize is £50 - unless there's a rollover because no one guessed the seven cards they had right. A month ago, me and Mich came fourth but won this bit - we got £100 between us. On this night two weeks ago "Pollys Birthday Bash" (as our team was called - NOT My choice by the way) came joint second so we were either going to be up for the cards part 2nd or 3rd.

After the winners had tried and failed at the cards, the quizmaster said (quite clearly, in my opinion - and bear in mind that I was so tipsy I'd misheard "case of beer" as "quesdilla") "as there are two teams in second place we will do it in alphabetical order - so Polly's Birthday Bash, you're up now".

At which point, the other joint second team got all aggressive. "What about the VDs???" they shouted as we made to get up and go to the cards.

Okay, sidebar. "The VDs"??? SERIOUSLY??? I'm assuming this was their initials (they were a girl and a guy) but why would you actually CALL Yourself that as a team name??? WHY????

Anyhow I actually stood back and told them to go on ahead. I didn't care. I'd won two weeks ago - what were the chances of us winning again???The cards, meant for our team, were already laid out. They failed within two or three cards.

Then it was our go. We got what would have been THEIR cards. And it went like a dream. It would be a two, followed by a king, followed by a three, followed by a jack, etc etc. There was no way we couldn't win.

And we did. We scooped the fifty quid prize.

The VDs left immediately after that, looking extremely sour-faced. It was very satisfying. Had they just kept their mouths shut in the first place, they would have won. Instead they were bad sports and left with empty pockets.

And that is the very definition of karma, baby. No?

Me and one of my friends popped in there for a quick drink tonight - the pub quiz was on but we weren't intending to stay that long. We were eating nachos when I became aware that someone was glaring at me. It was The VDs. I wasn't sure they recognised me but then the quizmaster came up to ask us if we wanted to play, and he recognised me. He even used me as an example to a nearby table that you didn't need to win the quiz to win the money. So by that stage they probably DID recognise me. They glared more. I rolled my eyes and left the pub.

I really hope they at least had the sense to change their team name this time.

How about The Morons??? Far more apt . . .

Monday, 10 October 2011


So today while on my lunch I was reading this article online about how whoever makes the subtitles at the BBC keeps fucking them up. Which made me laugh quite a lot, in that I'm-at-my-desk-and-don't-want-to-laugh-but-my-shoulders-won't-stop-shaking-and-people-might-look type of way. Which is basically the exact same reason why I made an executive decision a few weeks ago never to look at Damn You Autocorrect while on my lunch. It's just too embarrassing.

Anyway, there was a mention in the article about how it had gotten so bad that people have set up a dedicated website to the bloopers. I have, sadly, so far been unable to find this (why didn't they post a link to it, goddammit!). But my hunt for insane subtitles has lead me to do a slightly premature Cheer-Me-Up Tuesday, as I scoured the interweb for the funniest findings.

Of course, most of the below examples have good reason as they are TRANSLATIONS into English . . . what excuse does the Beeb have, eh???

* “I threat you! I challenge you meet me on the roof tonight for a duet!” (Do I get to pick the song?)

* “This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you will not mind that I remove your manhoods and leave them out on the dessert flour for your aunts to eat.” (Yuck.)

* "Now I feel flatulent, and you did it." (said the man to the can of Heinz Baked Beans...)

"How can you say you love her if you can't even eat her poop?" (So THIS is how we declare our love these days? Okay...)

"The suit was custom-made" became in one subtitle, "The suit was made by Mr. Custom". (and he custom makes suits??? What are the chances??? Oh. Wait.)

"Pans of hot grease" became in a subtitle "pants full of hot grease" (That was a Gilmore Girls episode, apparently)

I leave you with this.

You must, I repeat, MUST look at this if you want a giggle. It worked for me.

Now . . . does anyone have any funny subtitle bloopers of their own to share? Or the link to the aforementioned bbc blooper website? Or you could just share what you think about tv stations who can't even translate their own language into subtitles correctly?

(Thanks to the following websites where I found the above bloopers. Go check 'em out if you like funny subtitle crap.)

Saturday, 8 October 2011


Today as I sat on an aeroplane, I was inspired to do a follow-up to a post I wrote almost three years ago now about the jobs I would definitely never feel capable of doing (see here for the first post). So let's go!

*Air stewardess - this was the one who set it off. I have so much respect for people who do this job because I couldn't. I hate having to deal with the public face to face. I hate having to wear a uniform. And, most of all, I dislike flying. To do it AS A LIVING??? Oh no no no no no no NO!

*Holiday rep - this one also probably got me thinking. 1) I' m not outgoing enough. 2) they earn peanuts. 3) they hardly get any time off 4) the poloshirt/short combo (that seems to be the uniform that I have encountered in my time on holidays) would really not be an outfit I felt was particularly flattering on me. Being in the sunshine would be nice. Not being able to laze about and read a book? Not so nice...

*Lawyer - I couldn't. I mean, I've watched Legally Blonde. Okay, Reese mighta made it look easy. But it sounds like waaayyyy too much memorising to me. Oh, and speaking in public. Not for me.

*Optician - I'm squeamish about my OWN eyes. How could I look deeply into and analyse other people's???

*Salesperson - I don't like to interact with most people. Therefore how could I SELL shit to them??? You see my point, yes?

*Work in a bar/wine shop - If you have ever read my blog at all, you can see my issue here. SELL people alcohol, have ready access to alcohol.... yet not be allowed to drink it myself??? Come on to FUCK!!!

AND . . . so comes to an end part 2 of jobs I can't do. Anymore you reckon I can't do? Or what can you not see YOURself unable to do??? Please feel free to share.

Thursday, 29 September 2011


Statcounter is the goddess of all websites. Mainly because I get to have a laugh at some of the search engine terms that seem to lead people here.

So what have I found today?

***"people swimming too slowly"
I'm curious. Are you looking for advice on how to speed them up? Or how to hurt them? I just wish you'd provided a WEE bit more information, because this is just frustrating for me. Do you hate them too?Or are you one of the people I was ranting about???

***"embarrassing thing that happened on the subway"
Oh yeah, that probably involved me. I am the Queen of doing embarrassing things on the subway.

***"irish dream cocktail"
I don't know what this is, but it sounds like something I would really enjoy! I imagine it would have some Baileys in it... I like Baileys.

***"xmas party cheating scotland"
I'm not an expert on the cheating part but I have been to a fine share of xmas parties in my life. And silly drunken incidents. Although I don't know if you were looking for that, or just for a justification to cheat at a xmas party.

***"drunken madness"
speaks for itself really.

***"I chew on my sleeves"
I don't really know what to do with this. I don't chew my sleeves. Sorry. I can't help.

***"monthly visit from Aunt Rose"
I'm guessing you were googling the film Sugar & Spice. That's where I got that saying from. Yup, it's my go-to period phase.

The one I'm utterly disturbed by though is this one: "young little lolita girls 2to9 nude photos". Seriously??? Who DOES that???? And I'm a bit upset it actually lead someone to this blog. Just - no. No.

Have you had any funny and/or disturbing searches carried out on your blog recently? Feel free to share. And if you don't have a way of tracking this - sort that shit out. Honestly, you'll be glad you did!

Monday, 26 September 2011


In a little over a week, on Tuesday 4th October, I will turn 32.

This seems weird to me. It feels like only yesterday I was thinking how weird it was to be turning 30 and leaving my twenties behind. Now I'm well and truly in my actual real thirties. Like I said, weird. I can't really handle this getting older thing.

Sure, physically there ain't much of a difference between being 29 and nearly 32. Apart from a few more grey hairs than I had - and I'm actually quite lucky in that I don't have that many of those - I'm actually in better shape than I was at 29, and I haven't noticed any extra wrinkles. Although I've been VERY negligent with my skin recently, so THAT'S actually a miracle in itself.

My time of being 31 has been a strange one. I spent the first three months stressed out, around six months pretty damn happy, and the last third of it has been a bit shit again. So perhaps, on the balance, I'll be glad to see the back of 31.

I'm also glad that I don't need to worry about trying to organise a night out for it, since midweek birthdays are always awkward. You don't want to have your night out during the week, but then do you have it the weekend BEFORE or the weekend AFTER? (I personally prefer before.) And what do you do? Where do you go? Will anyone turn up?

Instead I'll be celebrating, for the second year in a row, abroad. Last year it was Spain, this year it's Portugal. Which is a country I've never EVER been to before (I've been to Spain now 11 times I think - if you count the Canary Islands and Majorca as well as the mainland, so it will be nice to have a change, albeit just to the country next door) so it's new territory for me.


Anyway, this is just the ramblings of an insane woman who can't sleep, so I'll get some audience participation going.

If you were going to buy me a birthday present (and, no, I don't expect you to ACTUALLY buy me one!) what would you buy me? Answers on a postcard (or in the comments section) please!

Sunday, 25 September 2011


I don't think I could ever have a one-night-stand.

It's just not in my make-up. Maybe it's something to do with losing my virginity so late on (24, as I'm sure I've mentioned before.) Or my Catholic upbringing. I dunno. It's not like I'm a prude or anything. And it's not like I don't want guys to see me naked. I actually sometimes feel more confident with my clothes OFF than my clothes on. Nothing to spoil the lines, y'know?

I need to be familiar with someone (and, yes, I know you can have a one night stand with someone who you are familiar with, it doesn't have to be a stranger, but let me finish!) and already have shared a large element of intimacy with them already. Emotional intimacy, y'know? I need sex to mean something. I need to be pretty clear it's going to happen again, that it's worth it.

I don't judge people who DO have one night stands, by the way. In some ways, I'm a bit envious. It might make my life easier if I did. It might make it easier to get over relationships for me, give me something else to focus on.

Kissing three random blokes over the period of a month isn't exactly the same thing. But it's all I can handle right now. It's been four months now since I was last PROPERLY intimate with a guy, and I imagine it will be probably quite a bit longer than that before it happens again. But I'm okay with that. For now.

After a break-up, it's not the sex I miss. It's the relationship.

That still holds true now, sadly. But I'll be alright.

Eventually . . .

Saturday, 24 September 2011


I'm up at crazy o'clock (okay, 8 am) on a Saturday as I'm waiting for some very important deliveries. So I thought I'd take this opportunity to post about something that has been bothering me for a few days now - the execution of Troy Davis in Georgia this week.

Troy Davis' case had passed me by until Wednesday, when I became aware of it thanks to Twitter. I read up on it and was immediately pretty appalled that someone was on Death Row for murder with so little evidence actually pointing to the fact that he had actually committed the crime. And, judging by the fact so many others were tweeting about how horrible it was, I was not alone in feeling this way.

By the time I woke up on Thursday, the execution had taken place and, sad though I was in general anyway, hearing that just made me feel worse.

The idea of the death penalty has always bothered me.

I don't really believe in the whole "eye for an eye" idea of it. I believe in punishing those who commit horrific - and not so horrific - crimes. But I don't think death is the answer, even if the person has killed others. I believe, in a lot of ways, it could be seen that death is the easy way out. Shouldn't the criminal have to suffer for the rest of his life, as long as that may be? I believe these people should be locked up on solitary and be made to LIVE with their guilt for as long as possible.

But here's the other thing that bothers me . . . the idea that not only can a person lose their life due to a crime they committed . . . but they could lose their life due to a crime they may NOT have committed.

From what I have read of this case, there was little evidence that Davis actually killed the cop. Statements made at the time had been retracted, fingers had been pointed at the guy who actually fingered him for the crime in the first place. Obviously the fact that there had already been several stays of execution in the past few years shows that there had to have been a distinct lack of proof. But he died anyway.

I'm not saying he DIDN'T do it, by the way. How would I know? I wasn't there. I'm just saying that without much proof, an execution seemed like a pretty tough penalty. (Understatement of the year, much???)

I think the most horrible part of it, for him, must have been waiting to die. Knowing it was probably inevitable. FOR OVER TWENTY YEARS!!! Apparently one of the stays of execution was granted only 90 minutes before he was scheduled to die. What would that do for the state of someone's mental health or emotional state? I think I would have gone insane by this point. If Davis DID commit the crime, he'd probably suffered for it quite significantly already just due to all the uncertainty.

By the way, this is not a dig at America. I actually read an article (see here) which pointed out that the death penalty is only used in extreme cases and is actually far more humane than the death penalty in other countries. And the journalist in question DOES have a point. I disagree with most of the rest of the article but that is at least true. People are executed for far less heinous crimes in other parts of the world, and in much more horrifying ways. And that is an even scarier thought.

I, personally, just don't believe the death penalty is a solution.

What is YOUR opinion on the death penalty? Are you for it, or against it?

Wednesday, 21 September 2011


No one commented on my blog post yesterday and that made me feel sad.

I know it was a lazy post, admittedly. Finding links already on my netbook to three video clips and posting them is a bit shit frankly, even if I thought they were funny. But I needed cheered up.

Tuesday is usually my bad day, and yesterday, frankly, wasn't all that great, as per.

But . . . today? Today felt even worse.

I spent the afternoon trying to stop the tears escaping. Which is frankly embarrassing, especially as the tears set off the snotty nose, which meant the constant nose blowing was probably drawing more than a little attention to the state of me.

Even my pole dancing class couldn't take my mind off my misery, the way it usually can. All my problems usually go out of my head then while I try not to make a fool of myself on the pole. Not today.

And then my eyes kept welling up again on the way home. I was struggling, once again, not to cry.

I don't really know what's wrong.

Well, I have my suspicions what the root of it all is.

But, when it comes down to it, I'm responsible for my own happiness. I can't let the actions of others affect me, no matter how hard it is. I need to at least TRY to be happy.

I suppose.

Tuesday, 20 September 2011


It's that time of the week - funny video time! Yay.

Feel free to share anything you've found funny this week!

Monday, 19 September 2011



I am going to Portugal in less than two weeks, baby!!!! If anyone deserves a break, I reckon I do!!!

My family. I love 'em. My mum is taking me on holiday. My sister never fails to make me smile - especially when she pretended the hand dryer in Glasgow Central station was sucking her in tonight. My dad and brother are awesome too. And don't even get me started on my fab friends. Love them all. :-)

Oh, and I randomly bonded with my flatmates last Thursday night. About bloody time, eh???


I still feel sad way too often. Today I felt like I'd actually forgotten how to smile. (Well, until the aforementioned sister incident!)

Drinking all weekend with Mich was fun at the time, but I regretted it quite a lot this morning. It caught up on me bigtime.

I'm upset that I didn't actually steal the mini wine carafe from the pub last night. I put it in my bag. I then took it out to prove it, and apparently never brought it home. Gutted.


I have less than two weeks to get a bikini bod. OH. MY. GOD.

What are YOUR Good, Bad and Uglys??? Feel free to share in the comments. :-) Or just let me know how your weekends were? Or just validate me in general. Whatever, really!!!

Thursday, 15 September 2011


Today I fell in love.

His name is Danny. I met him in the Co-op store on Great Western Road (minutes before I got ID'd for the second time in less than two weeks - yay!). He is ADORABLE. Big beautiful eyes and his SMILE . . . wow, don't even get me started on that. One glance at him and that was it. I MELTED.

I wanted to grab him and take him home with me.

I doubt his mother would have let her six month old baby out of her sight though.

Did you see that twist coming??? :-) Danny was the cutest little baby I'd saw in ages. So adorable that I actually broke my "don't talk to strangers while sober" rule to ask his mum all about him.

I love babies. I really do.

Now, don't you look at your screen in a knowing "Oh look at that, Paula's getting broody" kinda way. I get that from my sister all the time. I'm not broody. I've ALWAYS loved babies.

I'm just not sure I want my own.

There's several reasons for this. One: gaining weight. I have enough body issues as it is. Two: no alcohol? For more than nine months??? Terrifying. Three: the idea of being responsible for another human being. I can barely look after myself. Four: the loss of my freedom. Five: the fear I'd be a terrible mother anyway.

I know people say you forget about all this stuff when you have a kid.

But I'm just not ready.

I may be 31, I may be surrounded by girls around my age having babies, but I'm not ready for it. I'm not sure if I'll ever be.

I don't have any sperm anyway. :-)

I did love Danny though. Sigh . . .

How do you feel about babies?

Tuesday, 13 September 2011


So at the moment, I am ridiculously broke.

I've never been good with money. Don't get me wrong - I'm not HORRENDOUS with it. I don't have any loans or any credit cards. The only debt is my overdraft, which I inevitably go into every month. But I live one monthly salary to the next with no savings to show for it. Since I rent rather than own a flat, I'm flinging money (some might say anyway!) on top of the money I already squander on bottles of wine, books and dresses.

But in the last few months, things have gotten worse. I suppose getting dumped three months ago didn't help. I wasn't used to having that much free time anymore, what with balancing my friends and family and work with a guy who actually seemed to WANT to see me more than once a week (a rarity for me!) and I couldn't STAND to be myself. Ergo, I spent a lot of money on making sure I was out of my flat and with other people as much as possible. This gradually added up and next thing I know I'm nearly four hundred quid overdrawn (and that's not including the 100 quid that the lovely Mich kindly loaned me) the day before payday. Dear God.

And I'd love to say that I plan to take it easy this month - and I DO plan to TRY! - but there's stuff I NEED to pay for. Like getting my watch fixed (I'm not coping without it - I keep looking at my wrist and wondering where it's gone), paying for an upcoming trip to Liverpool, buying one of my best friend's birthday presents, buying a (belated) wedding present for the wedding last weekend. There's other stuff as well I'm sure, but I can't remember off the top of my head.

Oh, and let's not even get started on the fact that Christmas isn't that long a way away . . .

So I need to make another plan. I need to work out a way to MAKE MORE MONEY. Not loads. Just enough to let me keep my head above water. I have a couple of ideas. I can sell some cds and dvds. I have tons that I don't watch. I have probably quite a few unused beauty products and clothes around that I can probably pap onto ebay and get a couple of quid for. Me and Mich were today discussing if there was anything we could start MAKING - y'know, like jewelery, or pillows, or customised knickers (that one was inspired by my Bridesmaid knickers I was given - see yesterday's post for that photo). I also have an account on Ciao, where I partake in the occasional survey and write the occasional review. Don't get me wrong though, that's no money spinner. It's pocket change when it comes down to it. If that. But every little helps! (I currently have £2.45 in that account, woohoo!)

Anyway, this is where you all come in. I'm looking for suggestions. Ideas of way to make a little bit of extra cash. The best places to try and sell your crap online. The best websites where you can make a little bit extra money by doing a survey or doing some searches or clicking on some links. And, no, I'm not going to turn to prostitution, so don't even bother your arse to suggest it. Thanks!

Monday, 12 September 2011


  • Travelling up to Inverness on Friday morning with the groom's family, most of whom I'd never met before. One of the funniest car journeys ever, I felt like I hardly stopped laughing the whole time. Which is pretty good when it's more than a three hour journey!
  • Meeting the woman who is obviously the very image of what I will be like when I'm nearly 80. In other words, she likes her drink. I loved her. She is my soulmate!
  • Drinking a LOT of champagne on Friday evening. But not having a hangover on Saturday. Which was a good thing since I was up at 6.45am on Saturday morning.
  • Being late for the wedding. Because the bride's DAD was running late, not the bride. Haha, that makes a change from the norm!
  • Having a surprisingly easy time of it making random small talk with lots of strangers. I guess the fact there was a free bar for part of the day helped with that . . .
  • Taking one of the wedding guests up to my room to show him how nice it was. And then jumping on him*. Oh dear. I seem to be making a habit of this recently . . . He WAS hot though. And I was drunk (you may have guessed that fact after my previous "free bar" comment . . .)
  • Dancing the night away.
  • . . .Then falling asleep on the sofa in the hotel's drawing room. Oops. Oh wait, I don't actually remember that bit. (In my defence I HAD Had a very early start - 6.45am, remember? - and a LOT of wine. And it was WELL after midnight by that point.
  • And, best of all, getting to see one of my best mates having one of the best days of her life and marrying her soulmate. And she looked absolutely STUNNING.

Awwww . . . :-)

How were your weekends, lovelies???

*I've realised my choice of words here may have given people the wrong impression about me. It was just a kiss. I don't do casual sex. There'll be a post up on that shortly. Just wanted to clarify that!

Sunday, 11 September 2011

10 YEARS ON . . .

Time flies doesn't it? Nothing demonstrates this fact more so than the fact that today, September 11th 2011, marks the ten year anniversary of the atrocities of 9/11.

Has it REALLY been ten years? It seems like only yesterday that 21 year old me came home from a crappy job interview in Dundee, and was informed by my mum that planes had crashed into the World Trade Center. Being unemployed at the time, I sat for days and watched the horrors of the planes crashing into the Twin Towers, saw all the footage, saw people desperately searching for their relatives . . . and I cried for them. Floods and floods of tears, even though I did not know one person involved in the tragedy. I read newspaper articles about victims who were described as people who had so much to live for . . . and who lost their lives as a result of these terrorists.

It WAS horrible, and it still is even now.

A lot of horrible things have happened since 9/11. There were the bombings in Spain and in London. The failed terrorist attack virtually on my own doorstep in Glasgow four years ago. Places like Palestine and Pakistan where terrorist attacks seem to happen so often they don't really seem to be mentioned to us.

But nothing has EVER shocked me more than the events of September 11th 2001.

I'm not sure anything ever will and I HOPE that I won't be more shocked by anything else in my lifetime, because I don't think ANYONE would want the world to go through that again.

Where were YOU when it happened?

Wednesday, 7 September 2011


So I'm at lesson five of pole dancing now.

It's, remarkably, starting to come together. Three weeks ago, a niggle in my arm prior to pole dancing class, followed by a slight pain during certain moves in pole dancing class, forced me to cancel my class two weeks ago at the last minute. So when I went in last week, I wasn't expecting much, only to actually have improved considerably at two of the four moves I'd learned originally.

Miracles DO happen I guess.

The improvement in my game was enough to make me want to go back for another block of four lessons though. Which was a double edged sword as I can barely afford the thirty quid for a block. But anyhoo...

But tonight... I was facing my biggest challenge. For after four lessons at the BEGINNER beginner level, I was now moving onto the INTERMEDIATE beginner level. Which meant four new moves to learn. Eek. Considering I had barely mastered the FIRST four, I was not optimistic.

However, I was amazed to find I was actually far BETTER at a backward hook than a forward hook and have almost got it down pat in one session. Likewise the star jump and the striptease move.

The one that is holding me back though is probably the one I will NEVER master. And it's, in theory, probably the simplest.

The one where you jump up and wrap your legs around the pole.

This has been my main problem - NAY, MY NEMESIS! - since day 1, and I'm getting more and more frustrated with it by the day.

I've went down many a fireman's pole in my time.

At adventure playgrounds as a kid, dirty!!!!

I guess the difference is, then I wasn't having to jump UP on the pole, just wrap myself around it and slide down. Far easier than the pole dancing version.

As me being able to do this actually depends on me being able to complete any more advance moves in future, I really need to (literally) get a grip on this move!!!

Oh and in other news, I reckon I'm going to have bruises ALL OVER MY LEGS tomorrow.

Good thing my bridesmaid dress for my friend's wedding on Friday is full length, eh???


I seem to be in the minority that when a box of chocolates is handed around, I go immediately for the strawberry or orange fondant filled ones.

It's actually quite handy, because I then get the biggest share of them. Result!!!

But I don't really understand why so many people don't like them. How can they prefer caramel filled, or nutty, or coffee flavours over the deliciousness that is strawberry or cream filling???

Each to their own, I guess though.

This is such a filler post. (Or is it a "filling" post, ba-hahahaha.) I just can't be bothered thinking too much right now about anything other than the utterly superficial. It hurts too much and makes my head ache.

What's YOUR favourite in the box of chocolates?

Monday, 5 September 2011

REJECTION 101 . . .

Last Friday night, I went out for dinner with one of my friends. It was meant to be dinner and a couple of drinks and an earlyish night. Instead it ended up turning into an out-until-virtually-closing-time kinda night. Fair enough. The fact I woke up on my bathroom floor is irrelevant to this post.

Over the course of the night, we popped into a rather sleazy pub in Sauchiehall Street where my friend assured me the drinks were cheap. We each got a Kopparberg, which we quickly regretted, as there was a lot of drinking in one and we had quickly realised the place was like a cattle market and were desperately drinking as fast as we could so we could escape without wasting out money. Soon enough, a guy was next to us trying to chat us up.

Not particularly successfully. He was clearly drunk, obviously a sleazy bastard and EXTREMELY self important. He kept making reference to the fact that he lived in Malta normally and was only back in his homeland for the Scotland game the following day. I think he thought the Malta thing would impress us. We were polite enough but were clearly not interested in him. My friend is taken and I'm . . . well, we all know my story.

As we made our excuses and went to leave, he said "I'd like to say one last thing before you go." He pointed at my friend. "I can tell," he slurred at her, "that you are much younger than HER." He pointed at me to emphasise his last word. He looked back at my friend. "I think you're in your twenties and that you" he pointed at me "are in your thirties."

Now, seriously, was there any need for that? First of all, my friend is a good bit younger than me, but we don't look THAT far apart in age. For another, a guy SHOULDN'T mention a girl's age, unless she brings it up. And, as far as I can, he was doing it because he thought it would bother me.

It DID bother me. Not because I think I LOOK my age. I know I don't. I got ID'd in Waitrose buying a bottle of wine the other day, ffs. But I don't particularly think it was his place to comment.

As far as I can see, he through this out-of-nowhere bullet at me because he was pissed off I wasn't interested. Now I could be wrong, but this isn't the first time something like this has happened. It seems that some guys can't actually handle being rejected, even if they haven't been DIRECTLY rejected, and they then need to say something rude to make up for it. In fact, as I type this, I realise I read a similarly themed post by a fellow blogger just the other week . . . it isn't just me his happens to!

Have you ever had this happen to you, or saw it happen to someone else? Do you think there's actually any need for it? Just deal with the rejection - or go bitch about it behind the person's back! But don't go drag them down just to make yourself feel better . . .

Sunday, 4 September 2011


So . . . recently I decided to subscribe to the whole kissing-another-man-to-get-over-another school of thought.

Well, technically, I believe it's "get under a man to get over another" school of thought. But I prefer to be on top. Joke - I have too much repressed Catholic guilt to go that far. I think a snog is enough really.

Anyway, this wasn't the first time. When me and Mich went through to the Fringe in E/burgh a few weeks ago, apparently we both snogged our rickshaw driver after I vastly over-tipped him (as in a 100% tip. Fairly excessive). Can't remember this, although Mich assures me he was cute. I'll have to take her word for it. Since the whole "not remembering" thing kind of hampers me actually knowing. (In my defence, we started drinking at 9.30am that day and this was more than 12 hours later...)

But this time... I remember this time. It was slightly closer to home (as in pretty much around the corner) and it was okay, I guess. But it wasn't anything special. I knew when he put on Soccer AM on tv when we woke up (yes, i may not have done anything more than kiss him, but I stayed in his flat, okay? It was like 1 in the morning before we even started kissing, ffs!) that he wasn't for me. I'm not into BLOKE blokes. (Plus he was a Rangers fan, which made the football fixation even worse!) But I still welcomed it as a distraction. A way to keep my mind off my ex.

So it actually, unreasonably, ANNOYED me when i realised that he actually has a thing for another girl. I don't know who the girl is, I have my suspicions, granted, but I was really a bit pissed off about it. My ego was completely bruised. And it was so CHEEKY of me to be annoyed by it since I was bloody well using him in the first place. Sure, I found him attractive, I won't deny that. But he wasn't the guy I wanted to be with. I was just killing time.

But I apparently have this double standard where it's okay for ME to go for second best, but not okay for HIM to do so.

At least I admit it, I guess.

What it comes down to though is this: I feel like I've spent my whole life being second best, or just not good enough. At least when it comes to guys. I'm not particularly high maintenance, I'm understanding, I don't throw strops all the time for no reason. Maybe this is to my detriment. Maybe I should become a needy psycho for them to want me. I don't think that look would work on me though. I'd rather just be me.

I don't want to be second best. I don't want them to be SETTLING for me.

I just want someone to accept me for me and there not to be any fecking doubts!

Is that so wrong of me???

Monday, 29 August 2011


It's no secret that I do have a tendency to complicate things within my life rather than make things easier. I don't know if I have something inside me that compels me to do this, or whether it's just some sort of fate. Maybe I secretly want to create drama for myself. Maybe it makes me feel like my life is more interesting.

Obviously, right now, I'm sitting on my own with a can of Diet Irn Bru and my netbook on my lap, thinking about how I should REALLY go to bed and get a decent night's sleep after last night's extreme insomnia bout, and how I really should pack my bag for swimming with my sister after work . . . which isn't obviously particularly interesting at all . . . yet I've just typed an entire paragraph about it, because that's how I roll and it's honest and I can actually BE honest about that, rather than cryptic about the actual complications that have cropped up in my life and I have actually CREATED - possibly due to feeling rejected by one person, and imbibing slightly too much rose wine a few nights ago.

And this particular complication - I thought it could be problematic on a short-term basis, but actually . . . there were a couple of events today that made me wonder if it could actually spiral out of control a bit and REALLY tangle my life up. Hmmmm.

I'm going to try not to let it, and it MIGHT not actually get to that point anyway depending on how I tackle it, and whether there's actually anything to have to worry about. But I guess I'll have to just wait and see. And possibly, in the meantime, work out ways to make my life SIMPLER rather than more DIFFICULT than it already is.

But I guess, much as I bemoan it all, at least it gives me new thoughts to take my mind off the old - at least for now - and that can only be a good thing I suppose . . .

What about you? Do you try to lead a simple life and feel it often spirals out of control? Do you believe we're in charge of how complicated our life is?

3AM ...

It's 3 am and I cannot for the life of me fall asleep.

A combination of money stress, work stress, STRESS stress and random aches and pains are keeping me from sleep.

I have resorted to Facebook stalking all my friends to try and stave off the boredom created by insomnia but I'm starting to even run out of names to try!

What do YOU do when you can't get to sleep???

Monday, 22 August 2011


Tonight I cheered myself up by having mince and tatties for dinner.... nice stodgy solid Scottish comfort food.

I would post a pic of it but it tasted a lot better than it looked, put it that way!

What's YOUR favourite meal when you need comfort food???

Sunday, 21 August 2011


I went to one of my old flatmate's birthday nights out last night.

Funnily enough, I only read the message she'd sent about it a week ago yesterday morning, when it had turned from being a girly night out into a "there'll be dudes there too" night out. And I said to another former flatmate, "I'm a bit worried that this guy might be there - but I'm not even going to ask her because I don't see why he would be."

The nutshell - I met this guy at a Hallowe'en/housewarming party that my friend threw nearly two years ago. We went on one date, arranged a second, and on the day of the second date he text to say he was getting back with his ex. I never responded to the text. I heard later from my friend that him getting back with the ex had came as a shock to EVERYONE, not just me. But I'd got the impression that since he got back with the ex he'd sort of lost contact with the guys again. I had no reason to think he would turn up at my friend's birthday.

I mean, why would he??? He must have known that I, as one of her best friends, would be there,

But I turned up, and there he bloody well was.

It's not like I cared really. I mean, I thought he was hot at the time, but we'd went on one date and then he had fucked me over. I just hadn't expected to see him ever again. And I just was PO'd that he turned up tonight like nothing had ever happened and then didn't even acknowledge me. No guilty conscience or anything??? WTF?

So it was almost inevitable. As we were leaving I went up to him. Don't really remember what I said to him, think I was just basically like "Hi, remember me? Yeah, I forgive you by the way." and possibly also gave him a hug. Eek.

It was basically like this, in terms of cringeworthy moments:

Except that I did it TO the guy I was going out with, not his friends! Eek again.

It just would have been FAR nicer to do it when I was still in a relationship, and not a sad singleton once again!


Thursday, 18 August 2011


  • SPLASH ME - seriously. I love it. ESPECIALLY when you manage to splash me while doing BREAST-STROKE (the actual stroke. Not stroking my breast. If only....) Seriously. How is that even possible? You're not even putting your head under the water. WTF???

  • UNDER/OVER-ESTIMATE YOUR OWN SPEED - If you're in the medium lane and complaining because people are too slow (we heard you!) maybe you need to go in the fast lane??? WORRIED you might get shown up??? Twat.

  • COME SWIMMING WITH A FRIEND WHO GOES IN A FASTER LANE THAN YOU BUT INSIST ON TALKING TO EACH OTHER - It doesn't work that way. Swimming isn't REALLY a social sport. If you wanna talk, go hang in the jacuzzi/steam room/sauna/pub. Don't make the rest of us feel like we're interrupting your conversation by SWIMMING IN A STRAIGHT LINE!!!!

  • HAVE NO APPARENT NOTION OF THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CLOCKWISE AND ANTI-CLOCKWISE AND TAKE UP THE WHOLE LANE WHILE SWIMMING - where are the rest of us meant to swim if you have us pinned against the wall everytime you swim past, eh?

  • BE A SMALL CHILD WHO THINKS IT'S OKAY TO GET INTO THE SLOW LANE WITH A FRIEND AND YET CAN'T SWIM PROPERLY - swimming side by side and not being able to actually MANAGE a full length of the pool will make me want to KILL you. Just sayin'.

ALL of these things happened to me when I went swimming yesterday. I'm not sure if I ever want to go swimming again now - I have now developed extreme pool rage!

Any more to add?

Tuesday, 16 August 2011


I don't feel any better. But hey-ho, life goes on. I'm not the first one to be hurt, and I won't be the last.

This link was sent to me the other day. If it doesn't make you smile . . . then you're dead inside.

That's all.


I just knew today was going to be a messed-up day emotionally. I woke at six am and lay there for two and a half hours with my eyes wide open, unable to drag myself out of bed. Even when it got to half past eight, the last point I could get up . . . I had to actually peel myself off the mattress.

And, predictably, I was proved right.

It was a shit day.

Nothing happened in the grand scheme of things to make it worse. It's just my head that's screwed up. My emotions that made me go the the loos for a cry rather than for anything south of the border. My brain that can't stop overthinking anything.

The last time I felt this low was about three and a half years ago.

And now I'm back to feeling, once again, like there's no point in letting someone in . . . because you only end up hurt. And feeling like this . . . it sucks.

I know that tomorrow I might feel a bit more positive. I probably will. But every time I think I'm feeling better, there's a little thought that worms its way inside and makes me feel like shit all over again. The regularity is lessening over time . . . but it still happens, and I still have days like today where I genuinely just never want to leave my flat again, never want to talk to anyone else ever again, and just hide from the fear of letting myself get hurt again.

And now I've vented, I feel a little bit better.

Maybe I'll even make it back for ACTUAL Cheer-Me-Up Tuesday in an hour or two. We'll see . . .

Thursday, 11 August 2011


I'm having a bad week emotionally and mentally - I'm a nervous wreck and utterly miserable most of the time. Various things are getting to me - work stress, the whole being-dumped-and-will-I-ever-be-able-to-keep-a-guy-interested-for-longer-than-five-minutes? thing are obvious ones, but there's a couple of other things going on that I don't think I should talk about on here that are upsetting me too. Most of the time I'm able to put a brave face on it but today was not one of those days.

But let's leave that there. At least for now. Because I'll just depress myself further if I dwell on this stuff. Let's talk about pole dancing class number two, which was last night!!!

To be honest, it wasn't much better than week one in terms of me being able to do any of the moves. Eek. One of the reasons was probably because *whispers guiltily* I hadn't practiced the floorwork at all. I was too sore after last week's class, then just too busy. And, in addition, the instructor hadn't actually emailed us the floorwork routine until yesterday morning. (Let's pretend I didn't actually remember the simple combination of situps, pressups and squats, okay???) So my core and arm strength was not going to have improved any, since the only other exercise I had had was trying to walk in high heels on Saturday night and not fall over, and lifting large glasses of champagne to my lips. (That one would OBVIOUSLY only work out ONE of my arms . . .)

To add insult to injury, I wasn't in the overflow room this time, but in the room with the girls who'd been doing it for several years. I felt like the troublemaker in the remedial class who'd been made to sit in the clever class as punishment (that never happened to me at school, by the way, but that's how it felt.) As I struggled to simply jump up and wrap my legs around the pole, these girls were on another level. After each unsuccessful go at one of the four moves I am so far failing dismally to master (despite the encouraging comments the instructor gives me), I would turn around to see one of them so far up the pole she was practically at the ceiling, just casually "hanging out" there like it was no big deal. Or, as I wiped my pole with the towel to get rid of the sweat my hands had left, I would see one of the other girls halfway up the pole and hanging upside down by just her legs. Like one does . . .

To be honest, I felt there was a TINY bit of improvement. Like now I know HOW to do the moves, I just need to be able to DO them. There was one point where I managed to wrap my legs around the pole on the jump and the instructor grabbed them and held them up and said "now slide down the pole!" but I was stuck!!! She also keeps saying to me about the moves where you whirl around the pole "you're there, all you need to do is lift your other foot!" Yes, but that's the bit I JUST CAN'T DO!!!

I know, I know, there's no such thing as "can't" and all that crap, but right now it feels like I'll never get there. The other girls say they were like that too at first, and have been doing it for a couple of years, but what if it takes me a couple of years to even master the basic stuff??? I'll feel like such a loser!

Anyway, this is the kind of stuff I would LOVE to be able to do one day:

In reality, right now, I can't even do the first move in this video:

I tell you something, these people make it look far FAR easier than it actually is!!!

Wish me luck! (God knows I need it . . .)

Wednesday, 10 August 2011


So, after my second pole dancing class (more on that at a later date), I went out for dinner. I ended up out later than planned and more sober than planned, so I was fairly eager to get home asap to drink my bottle of wine purchased in good old Marks 'n' Sparks.

Which of course meant my broke self thought it would be a good idea to get a taxi. Now, I don't always have the best of luck with taxis (see this post to prove my point) but despite the terrible rain and the trains all being cancelled, there wasn't much of a queue, so I got a taxi fairly quickly. It turned on Gordon Street to head towards the west end... and as it paused to let another car go by, a woman opened the other door and just climbed in!!!

At first I was just kind of stunned. "Hello friend" she intoned to me, and I just looked at her, in shock. Until the taxi driver started telling her to get out. She refused to move, and kept smiling at me beatifically. He opened the door and told her to get out.

"She's my friend" she told him, pointing at me. "We are friends. Drive please."

He tried to remove her from the taxi. She wouldn't go. "If you won't go, I'll get that copper over there to come and get you out," he threatened.

I think that's when something snapped in me. I'm always the pushover, always the one trying to keep the peace. Like I said, I wasn't even drunk. But I knew this woman was trying to take advantage of me and for once, I wasn't going to let her.

So this is what came out of me:

"I will fucking PUSH you out of this taxi if you don't move!"

She looks at me, all wounded but calm. "We go to your house?"

Me. "No we fucking DON'T. Get out of this taxi right now or I will THROW you out of it!"

Wide-eyed hurt look at me from her. I swear to god this woman could MAJOR in Conveying-Expression-With-Your-Eyes-101.

Me: "I don't know why you're fucking looking at me like that. I don't even know you. Get the FUCK out. NOW!"

Yes, I had transformed into some little Glasgow hairy who has more swear words in her vocabulary than anything else but do you know what? I was proud that for once I had stood up for myself. Maybe it's all the shit that's gone on in my life the past few months. Maybe it's all the needless rioting elsewhere that's got to me. But I was sick of letting people think they could just walk all over me in that moment.

The taxi driver forcibly removed her from the taxi. Two seconds later, she pulled the same trick with another taxi. My driver told the other driver to chuck her out, but apparently she wouldn't be moved. I doubt she paid, wherever she ended up.

Wonder how I would have reacted to it if I had actually been drunk??? Very weird though. Sometimes I feel like these things only happen to me!

Weird taxi experiences, anyone?

Tuesday, 9 August 2011


Now, as we all know, there are many things that irritate me. People who spit. People who stop randomly in the middle of the street so you bump into them. Snow. Hangovers. You get the drift.

Today Twitter was annoying me.

Well, to be honest, it's been annoying me for a while, ever since that bloody big debate a few weeks back over whether or not the massacre in Norway or the death of Amy Winehouse was more important. People judging other people for mourning Amy's passing when so many people had also died needlessly elsewhere. Some Amy fans insisting that actually Amy's death WAS more important. The whole issue becoming something you didn't particularly want to comment on either way in case a Twitter-lynch-mob came after you.

Today's issue was the rioting in London.

No, that's not true. It wasn't the riot talk. Twitter is obviously an important form of communication these days, particularly when it comes to news, and the information coming in from different sources regarding the rioting was as fascinating as it was scary. This is information we would have only gotten from the news on the TV ten or so years ago. Now you have normal people on the scene and roundabout spreading the word via the internet.

So, no, it wasn't the riot talk. It was more the fact that some people seemed to think that the rioting was all we were allowed to talk about today. Apparently, in their view, any other subject was off-limits. I know one fellow blogger who someone had a go at for tweeting something unrelated to the riot. The blogger in question, as she later stated on Twitter in her defence, had a relative in the vicinity of the rioting, so she wasn't trying to belittle any of the tragedy and terror going down in London.

When I heard about this, I instantly felt guilty myself. Like "oh shit, I posted a tweet about how my second attempt at pole dancing is not going to go well, are people judging me?"

And then I thought . . . I don't have anything to contribute to the rioting talk, that's why I'm not posting about it. I'm not in the vicinity, I'm not a witness, I only had the chance to watch the news for ten minutes or so this morning. Anything I DO have to say about the riots is something that would be way too long to put in a tweet. I discussed it with people in my work instead. I could write about it now, but once again, I'm not very knowledgable on the whole thing. It disturbs me so much that so many kids are involved in the mindless looting and violence and don't seem to even care how bad it is. It disturbs me that it seems to be some sort of mob mentality - that people don't even know why they're even doing it anymore, they're just doing it because everyone else is. It disturbs me that people all over the UK are trying to follow in the footsteps of London and destroy their own towns and cities. Most of all, it strikes me as horrific that, when so many people outside the UK hate us, we are now turning against our own country.

Okay, clearly I had more to say on it than I thought. But I feel more able to communicate it here, in a diatribe of the length i choose, than I would have been able to word it on Twitter.

Anyway, my point is that just because the majority of people I was following were discussing the rioting, that did not mean that people couldn't discuss other things if they so chose to do. Obviously in the Uk we are all affected by this to some extent, some more than others of course. But outside of the UK, perhaps other people may want to give it a passing mention, or pretend it's not happening. Or, maybe as a whole, people might want to try and cheer each other up with a joke or a funny anecdote.

It just seems so easy for people to jump down other people's throats on Twitter, to take something they said and twist it, or just to comment nastily because they don't agree on someone's opinion. Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and free speech is a must, I do realise that. But here's my ten pence worth on the aforementioned altercation with the fellow blogger and the person who judged her for not making her twitter stream exclusively about the rioting . . .

Considering we are all sitting here, looking at the devastation caused by mindless hate and pointless vandalism and violence, should we really be provoking fights with one another? Shouldn't this whole thing be uniting us, not driving us apart?

People should be able to post what they want on twitter. Now, don't get me wrong here, if they post something despicable and get abuse for it, then fair enough, they're pretty much fair game. But no one else should think they have a right to TELL us what we can post. That's why Twitter is addictive as it is, because we're all using it for our own reasons, and we're all posting, as individuals, exactly what we wish to post.

Isn't that the beauty of it?

What do you think?