Wednesday, 9 June 2010

AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP . . . OR ODE TO JUNK FOOD . . .

Ah junk food. Oh lovely lovely junk food.

I tried to leave you, I really did. I tried to embrace all the healthy food in the world. I keep trying, keep trying to resist, keep reminding myself you're no good for me.

So why do I keep coming back?

Partly, it's convenience, I suppose. Being healthy is so damn hard. Eating healthy food makes me feel better inside but it's like I know something is missing, deep down inside me.

(Pizza. Chocolate. Spaghetti Carbonara. Deep fried mozzarella sticks. I could go on . . .)

I'll be honest, junk food. Healthy food is . . . well, a little high maintenance, if I'm perfectly honest.

First of all, there's the amount of time it takes me to cook anything. Even a bit of meat and some veggies seems to take forever. Why the feck does brocoli take so long to boil, for example? It says five minutes on the packet . . . twenty minutes later and it's still as hard as a brick. (This is often due to me forgetting to actually switch the cooker on at the wall but that's completely unrelated.)

Then I'm not sure when the meat is actually ready and end up with it too rare or burnt to a cinder. Neither option is to my taste. And if it's too rare I worry I'm going to get food poisoning which would, obviously, negate the whole healthiness thing.

My social life goes down the tubes because how can I enjoy myself hanging out with my mates when healthy food is clicking its tongue in disapproval and shaking its head at me???

The kitchen bin fills at a monumental rate, what with empty packets of berries and cartons of yogurt. And the vegetables I don't get around to using. Cos there's always some left over. Or quite a lot. (Oh junk food, you are so convenient at forcing all your ingredients into one receptacle - albeit by over-processing it to death. I miss you.)

And don't even get me STARTED on the dirty dishes I accumulate! There's chopping boards, pots and pans, fifty million different items of cutlery, my rarely-used blender (now I remember WHY I rarely use it; it's an absolute BUGGER to clean!) . . . and then on top of all that, there's my lunches I have to make for work, which result in me carrying around several different sizes of plastic tubs which have to be cleaned at the end of every day . . .

And speaking of making food for work, I spent AN HOUR AND A HALF making myself a healthy breakfast (crustless quiche) and lunch (tuna fishcakes) for my lunch last night so that I wouldn't go hungry and head directly for the vending machine. 90 minutes on two dishes that aren't exactly complicated, except to me. What a friggin' waste of my time, I could have ordered a Dominos, had it delivered AND nommed it down with several bars of chocolate and a bottle of wine in those minutes.

I'd have loved every minute of it. And probably hated myself afterwards.

And I recognise that.

Yet tonight, I still found myself holding a shopping basket with a pizza, chocolate and wine in it.

I swear it did just jump in there of its own accord.

But I didn't take it back out. Instead I went up to the checkout and paid for it. And left with it.

And now, junk food, I'm enjoying you once again.

Consider it a one night stand. I'll see you again in a week or so. Just wait for my call . . . ;)

14 comments:

  1. I can completely relate to this! Try damn hard but then the pizza and chocs start calling my name in their dulcet tones....

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  2. Yep, everything you said made complete sense to me! Plus if I'm home and I'm busy doing something, I get all engrossed and I can't POSSIBLY stop to go cook something, therefore if there's a box of cookies somewhere I'll grab that and well...you can see where that's going. What I really need is a PERSONAL CHEF! :)

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  3. I can relate with everything you mentioned in this post! "Healthy food is high maintenance!"

    Girl that's so true! I use that argument every time I get scolded (the hubster keeps buying me junk food and wonders why am I putting on weight!).

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  4. That was the perfect summary of trying to eat healthily.

    I tried so hard when I was living abroad and I did very well. Brown rice, chicken and vegetables, boring me to death while it wills me away from it.

    But then I came home and I recognised the sweets and the grease traps and I couldn't help myself. All that hard work ruined. Now I'm trying again, I'll do well and then it hits me like a McDonalds filled train. One bad day and it all goes back, the sugar is needed.

    Last week, I started the day with a fried breakfast, had chinese leftovers for lunch and finished the night with a trip to McDonalds with friends. It fulfilled my soul. But my health targets?

    Gone, just gone.

    I think I need to move abroad again for my health?

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  5. And this is why I MUST go to the gym all the time - I love junk food! Healthy food is SO high maintenance, you're right!

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  6. This post is exactly what makes you one of my favorite bloggers! I totally relate!!!

    I have such a love/hate relationship with food. I love the taste of junk food but hate the extra weight it makes me gain. I love how much better I feel when I eat healthy but I hate how high maintenance it is.

    This evening a friend called and invited me out for pizza. I declined because I feel bad that she's always buying me dinner and I can't recipricate. Afterwards, I was thinking that I really didn't need pizza anyways since I polished off the last of the oreos earlier. But now I have such a craving for pizza. Ugh!

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  7. I cannot stop laughing. Such a creative writer, P. The bit about chocolate, pizza, etc made me hungry :-/

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  8. OMG Deep Fried Mozarella Sticks are AMAZING!!!
    I ate so many in the states, but they are mighty hard to find here in Sydneytown...

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  9. Excellent work. I really want pizza now. I WILL RESIST!

    Healthy food is a complete bitch to make. I made 2 salads and soup last night and the kitchen looked like a bomb had hit it. I only enjoyed doing it because things are so tense in the flat at the moment (don't break up with someone when you still have to live together, it's horrific)that hiding out in the kitchen was a blessing in disguise.

    BUT I'm going out for dinner tonight and will enjoy it. I have saved my points and will be going wild - I might even have a dressing on my salad ;)

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  10. Haha oh junk food, you saucy minx. I think junk food has that effect on all of us! Mainly b/c it really is so dang hard to eat all the produce you buy. They don't sell small qualities (seriously, why do they package cherries in 2lb bags!?) and even if they do, I STILL end up tossing some of it. And then with every apple or peach I throw out I yell "I am never buying produce AGAIN!!!" Until, of course, my next grocery shopping trip. And repeat.

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  11. Hahaha you crack me up. This post was delightful.

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  12. Nothing like a junk food booty call. I gave up cocacola Dec 31st. Had a bad migraine the other day and decided to have one. Ah bliss. Sweet nectar of the gods I had missed that. Whole wheat tasteless pasta has replaced the numnumnum of regular pasta. *sigh* I too miss the ease of junk food.

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  13. I hate, hate HATE health food. I could live on meat and potatoes for the rest of my life, I swear.

    Especially if the potatoes are fries.

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