Ah junk food. Oh lovely lovely junk food.
I tried to leave you, I really did. I tried to embrace all the healthy food in the world. I keep trying, keep trying to resist, keep reminding myself you're no good for me.
So why do I keep coming back?
Partly, it's convenience, I suppose. Being healthy is so damn hard. Eating healthy food makes me feel better inside but it's like I know something is missing, deep down inside me.
(Pizza. Chocolate. Spaghetti Carbonara. Deep fried mozzarella sticks. I could go on . . .)
I'll be honest, junk food. Healthy food is . . . well, a little high maintenance, if I'm perfectly honest.
First of all, there's the amount of time it takes me to cook anything. Even a bit of meat and some veggies seems to take forever. Why the feck does brocoli take so long to boil, for example? It says five minutes on the packet . . . twenty minutes later and it's still as hard as a brick. (This is often due to me forgetting to actually switch the cooker on at the wall but that's completely unrelated.)
Then I'm not sure when the meat is actually ready and end up with it too rare or burnt to a cinder. Neither option is to my taste. And if it's too rare I worry I'm going to get food poisoning which would, obviously, negate the whole healthiness thing.
My social life goes down the tubes because how can I enjoy myself hanging out with my mates when healthy food is clicking its tongue in disapproval and shaking its head at me???
The kitchen bin fills at a monumental rate, what with empty packets of berries and cartons of yogurt. And the vegetables I don't get around to using. Cos there's always some left over. Or quite a lot. (Oh junk food, you are so convenient at forcing all your ingredients into one receptacle - albeit by over-processing it to death. I miss you.)
And don't even get me STARTED on the dirty dishes I accumulate! There's chopping boards, pots and pans, fifty million different items of cutlery, my rarely-used blender (now I remember WHY I rarely use it; it's an absolute BUGGER to clean!) . . . and then on top of all that, there's my lunches I have to make for work, which result in me carrying around several different sizes of plastic tubs which have to be cleaned at the end of every day . . .
And speaking of making food for work, I spent AN HOUR AND A HALF making myself a healthy breakfast (crustless quiche) and lunch (tuna fishcakes) for my lunch last night so that I wouldn't go hungry and head directly for the vending machine. 90 minutes on two dishes that aren't exactly complicated, except to me. What a friggin' waste of my time, I could have ordered a Dominos, had it delivered AND nommed it down with several bars of chocolate and a bottle of wine in those minutes.
I'd have loved every minute of it. And probably hated myself afterwards.
And I recognise that.
Yet tonight, I still found myself holding a shopping basket with a pizza, chocolate and wine in it.
I swear it did just jump in there of its own accord.
But I didn't take it back out. Instead I went up to the checkout and paid for it. And left with it.
And now, junk food, I'm enjoying you once again.
Consider it a one night stand. I'll see you again in a week or so. Just wait for my call . . . ;)