Thursday, 17 June 2010
THE LYING SCALES . . .
Since I've been in London and living off expenses for the past few days, I've not exactly been eating particularly healthily. So it was with great trepidation this morning that I hopped onto my scales to weigh myself.
I had lost weight since Sunday.
Approximately 28 pounds, to be precise.
Obviously, this could not be the case. Even if I had one of those wormy things inside me which ate all my food instead of me, I still don't think I could lose two stone in weight in four days. Correct?
Don't get me wrong, there was the tiniest part of me that hoped that SOMEHOW it could be true. But mirrors don't lie (well, not always) and CLOTHES don't lie (unless you swap the labels on them so they LOOK like they're a size smaller when they're really not - or if your friend plays a trick on you like the one in the above TV commercial!). Oh and my HIPS certainly don't lie, Shakira!
But the realist in me knew it wasn't. Especially as I'm generally one of those people who stand on the scale, shake my head at the weight, work out what else I can take off to make myself lighter (Watch? Glasses? Nose stud?). And then can't understand why I haven't dropped any more pounds . . .
My scale was in a different part of the room than usual as I was attempting to use it to weigh my suitcase before my flight to London. My floor is not particularly level. I quickly deduced that the reason I had dropped so much weight was due to the scale's location. So I started moving it about the room, trying to get it back to normal.
Everytime I stood on it, it was still telling me I was this mythical weight. Which ironically, is about one pound off my IDEAL weight.
After four or five attempts at moving it around and standing experimentally on it, I found the magic spot. I was back to my correct weight.
EXCEPT I HAD PUT ON ABOUT 3 EXTRA POUNDS!
So now I'm wondering if I should change the location of my scale. Or live my entire life in the part of the room where I'm nearly 30 pounds lighter? Will everyone else see my weightloss too if I just stay there forever? Is it a magical dimension where I'll fit miraculously into a UK size 8 again???
It's nice to PRETEND anyway . . .