Thursday, 1 April 2010
TMI THURSDAY: SOME UNMENTIONABLES
***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
I have a double-whammer for TMI Thursday. Either one pretty mild on their own so I'm hoping by combining them, they'll make up for it.
TMI 1: You know how I have a habit of saying stuff in public that I shouldn't? Like someone asks me how I am, and I tell them I think I'm allergic to my thong. Or how last week, when I came back to my desk after a daydream in the bathrooms, I told my male colleagues how "I could have sat on that toilet seat forever."
Well, today I sort of got into one of those conversations where I KNEW I should stop talking and yet I didn't. Me and my friend were talking about diets/weight loss and I blurted out that I felt one of the main reasons I hadn't lost any weight this week was because I hadn't . . . um . . . did a poo in three days. My friend immediately made a "Whoa - TMI!" face, but I was on a roll now as I mentioned how I'd not had egg for breakfast that morning, but shredded wheat instead because I was convinced there was a poo that weighed AT LEAST a few pounds inside me and I needed to get it out.
"Um, try orange juice?" she suggested, clearly still wondering why I was still talking.
"Are you insane?" I asked. "Orange juice isn't allowed on my diet!"
Like, how DARE she suggest something that wasn't on my diet while I was talking about a pretty taboo subject in public IN FRONT OF HUMAN BEINGS.
"Um, lots of water then?" she tried again.
"Right, I'll try that," I nodded. It was only then I realised how I'd just had a three minute conversation about poo.
"Um, sorry about that. I'll go now." And I left the room.
Did I manage to poo? Well, that would be telling . . . ;)
(I can't believe you were even inappropriate enough to ASK!!!)
TMI 2: I had a salad for lunch that among other things contained natural yogurt and Philadelphia.
I only realised an hour later that I had managed to get at least ONE of those ingredients down the front of my black skirt.
And I'd actually been walking about the office with these marks in full view.
Any idea what these lovely white marks looked like?
I looked like I'd been doing a Monica Lewinsky on someone during my lunch break.
And I have no idea if anyone noticed or not.
If you did - SERIOUSLY, it was my lunch, nothing else.
And I DID NOT have sexual relations with my lunch.
That's just . . . weird!!!
Hmmm. Sorry. That was all just rubbish really. Oh well . . . Til next time!