Thursday, 1 April 2010

TMI THURSDAY: SOME UNMENTIONABLES

TMI Thursday

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!


I have a double-whammer for TMI Thursday. Either one pretty mild on their own so I'm hoping by combining them, they'll make up for it.

TMI 1: You know how I have a habit of saying stuff in public that I shouldn't? Like someone asks me how I am, and I tell them I think I'm allergic to my thong. Or how last week, when I came back to my desk after a daydream in the bathrooms, I told my male colleagues how "I could have sat on that toilet seat forever."

Well, today I sort of got into one of those conversations where I KNEW I should stop talking and yet I didn't. Me and my friend were talking about diets/weight loss and I blurted out that I felt one of the main reasons I hadn't lost any weight this week was because I hadn't . . . um . . . did a poo in three days. My friend immediately made a "Whoa - TMI!" face, but I was on a roll now as I mentioned how I'd not had egg for breakfast that morning, but shredded wheat instead because I was convinced there was a poo that weighed AT LEAST a few pounds inside me and I needed to get it out.

"Um, try orange juice?" she suggested, clearly still wondering why I was still talking.

"Are you insane?" I asked. "Orange juice isn't allowed on my diet!"

Like, how DARE she suggest something that wasn't on my diet while I was talking about a pretty taboo subject in public IN FRONT OF HUMAN BEINGS.

"Um, lots of water then?" she tried again.

"Right, I'll try that," I nodded. It was only then I realised how I'd just had a three minute conversation about poo.

"Um, sorry about that. I'll go now." And I left the room.

Did I manage to poo? Well, that would be telling . . . ;)

(I can't believe you were even inappropriate enough to ASK!!!)


TMI 2: I had a salad for lunch that among other things contained natural yogurt and Philadelphia.

I only realised an hour later that I had managed to get at least ONE of those ingredients down the front of my black skirt.

And I'd actually been walking about the office with these marks in full view.

Any idea what these lovely white marks looked like?

I looked like I'd been doing a Monica Lewinsky on someone during my lunch break.

And I have no idea if anyone noticed or not.

If you did - SERIOUSLY, it was my lunch, nothing else.

And I DID NOT have sexual relations with my lunch.

That's just . . . weird!!!


Hmmm. Sorry. That was all just rubbish really. Oh well . . . Til next time!

14 comments:

  1. I went to work with toothpaste in my hair today, I sure hope no one noticed.

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  2. Haha, that's awesome! Now we all need a poop update. JUST KIDDING :P

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  3. NONO i loved it! I always find myself talking about poo (amongst other things) at inappropriate times.

    And as for the stains on your clothes? Welcome to my life dahling.

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  4. Just think, when you're in a nursing home or above 70, you'll be all set with conversation.

    I swear 'poo' is all old people talk about.

    So, don't worry, you'll be the hit of the party.

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  5. Oh no! Poor you....but ever so funny to read :-)

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  6. I talk about poo a lot too. But mostly because there is an unfortunate amount of poop involved in my job. Blah.
    Although there was that weird time when one of my co-workers asked a bunch of us if we ever found that our own poop smelt like the poop we'd been cleaning up all day.
    Which was just weird.

    My favourite line in there was "I did not have sexual relations with my lunch".

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  7. Haha that's an excellent conversation and I'm most defintiely the same. Some time the little voice in my head is going "stop TALKING" but I just keep on rolling.

    Seriously though. Hope you got 'sorted out' :)

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  8. Oh, come on, poo's not inappropriate, everybody's pooing, don't they? ;) BTW are you on South Beach diet by any chance?

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  9. It's so cute how inappropriate you are. I know this, have known this for years, and yet you still manage to make me pause and go.... 'wtf...' lol :P

    x

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  10. P, thank you very much for cheering up my day with your TMI stories. I think my fit flatmate heard me do a massive bottom burp this morning coz i heard sniggering coming from his room!

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  11. my friend tended to have the same problem about talking about things without realizing it and I'd try to steer into like when speaking with the head of the English Department and etc.

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  12. TMI1 - a good brisk walk will sort everything out :)

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  13. "And I DID NOT have sexual relations with my lunch."

    I'm not buying it. You're not under oath.

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  14. Screw those girls who think you are inappropriate for talking about poo. Shit sells. I should know ;)

    Snaf

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