Friday, 2 April 2010

DRUNKEN DON'TS . . .

So I went out last night and I got . . . well, more than a little merry, let's just say. I don't remember the last pub I was in, just that it was somewhere on Bath Street. I remember being outside it for a bit while my friend had a fag. I believe I walked home, as I have a vague recollection of being EXTREMELY desperate for the loo by the time I reached my flat and thinking my bladder may explode. I don't remember getting into my flat. I'm assuming I went to the toilet as I didn't need the toilet anymore when I woke up at half five, and I hadn't wet the bed. I also discovered when I woke up I had five missed calls, a voicemail and a text from my friends. Oops.

I have no idea whether I had a go at anyone (it COULD have happened), whether I fell out with anyone, fell over or kissed someone inappropriate. I like to think though if I HAD, I would at least have a hazy memory of it, so I'm hoping this means I didn't. Anyway, here's my hastily compiled list of things not to do around me when I'm drunk . . .

  • Don't tell me your deepest darkest secret. Unless you want me to have forgotten about it the next day - mind you, if you want to get something off your chest but never want it brought up again, then perhaps it's a good idea to use me as your confidante.
  • Don't kiss me. If you are a guy, even one I don't actually FANCY, I will more-than-likely kiss back. Then be mortified the next day and never speak to you again. If you are a girl, I will slap you.
  • If you don't like me, don't give me dirty looks. I'm not normally confrontational but when I have a bit of drink in me and someone is making it obvious they don't like me, I may start mouthing off about it. You might not understand what I'm actually SAYING, but I'm sure you'll sense the tone.
  • Don't give me instructions for how to do something. Simple or complicated. I won't remember the next day how to do whatever it is. I may not even remember you TELLING me how to do it in the first place.
  • Don't ask me to get a round in. Even if it IS my round. I'm not being stingy, I'll give you the money for the round, I just can't get it. Number one - I'll never remember what anyone wants. Number two - I can't hold more than two drinks while sober - when drunk, I am a glass-dropper. You do not want five broken glasses (and five wasted drinks) on your conscience.
  • Don't give me a shot. I will drink it. And will not be responsible for my actions. Which could include puking. Just sayin'.
  • Don't drink too slowly if you are sharing a bottle of wine with me. It is annoying. Keep up please. Otherwise you won't get your fair share. That's not a threat, it's a promise.
  • Don't expect me to let you know I got home safe at the end of the night. As I tweeted this morning, I can remember to take out my contacts (AND clean them), brush my teeth, change into my PJs (or stip down to my underwear and put my dressing gown on a.k.a the "lazy change") . . . but I'm not so good at letting people know I'm still alive. (Hence the numerous missed calls in the early hours.)

What should people not do around you when you're drunk?

20 comments:

  1. I don't know what you should or shouldn't do around me when I'm drunk... but I do know that I am not the best at properly getting ready for bed. I woke up still fully clothed on the top of my sheets this morning.

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  2. Dude, I couldn't agree more about being irritated when the people I'm sharing wine with drink too slowly! Way to make me feel like a wino, you jerkfaces!

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  3. Ditto.

    Also include: Don't let me use my phone, plan my future, or creepily hit on me. Because I will: send inappropriate messages, make bad decisions, and let you know (rather rudely) your level of creepy.

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  4. That is so funny!

    I have no idea what to do or not do when I'm drunk.

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  5. This is a great list...it sounds like you'd be fun to drink with, except for the fact that I like to wear sandals.

    My friends tell me all of their secrets because they know that, regardless of whether I'm druing or sober, I'm going to forget them. It's a good way to vent.

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  6. Love your list!! I would have to add "Don't ask my opinion on something unless you want a really long-winded, over-thought response that rambles on into the evening." I tend to babble when drunk. Well, I babble in general, but it gets worse with alcohol :)

    Have a great weekend!
    Heather

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  7. Yeah I hate when friends are like "text me when you get home". Yeah, I'll text you... three days LATER

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  8. I probably shouldn't be allowed near technology, a dancefloor, anyone I fancy or people in general. :P

    x

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  9. Fantastic list! Don't give me a shot is definitely on my list. I pretty much never turn them down. Also, letting attractive boys convince me to take shots is another bad idea.

    Lastly, making me be around people I don't like, who look ridiculous or who are creepy will result in me telling them how I feel about, let's say, their seersucker shirt.

    Happy weekending!

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  10. When I'm drunk people shouldn't even bother trying to stay sober around me! Seriously, I'm majorly convincing! x

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  11. Don't ever:

    Call your do anything concerning an ex.

    Don't send a text

    Don't call anyone.

    My rules. Number one is golden. Number two and three are broken every single time...

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  12. This is a list to live by.

    Mine includes "Don't Blog"... because I did that one time and I'm pretty sure I promised the blogosphere something I will never really come good on....

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  13. I honestly can't remember the last time I was drunk, I mean super duper drunk but when I get that drunk it always ends in a spinning room and well, then I sleep in the bathroom.

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  14. Really agree with "Don't drink too slowly if you are sharing a bottle of wine with me."

    When I'm drunk I should not be allowed to bring anything other than money with me because I lose things. I have even lost clothes okay so it was just a cardigan, not a major item but still :P

    I should not be allowed near guys or phones because it could get embarrassing otherwise.

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  15. oh dear me, what is today's youth coming to? :)

    http://bottleblack.blogspot.com

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  16. You definitely party like a rock star.

    Like the one about being more confrontational :p I'm usually more "vocal" too.

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  17. "Don't drink too slowly if you are sharing a bottle of wine with me. It is annoying. Keep up please."

    This one was my favorite haha
    I think you and I would make great drinking buddies.

    http://snafuliving.blogspot.com

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  18. You've just written out my 'To Do' list for every time I'm drunk.. I always seem to do all this. :P I do agree with you though, don't do this for me. Especially the 'drink slowly' part. If your glass is half empty by the time mine's finished, I WILL top it up with vodka, whether you like it or not. End of story.

    Sounds like you had a great night out! :)

    xx

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  19. It's so great that you share this with us

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