Saturday, 20 March 2010

FEEDING THE PARANOIA . . . WITH WINE . . .

I AM a paranoid person.

I cannot dispute that fact. It would be kind of like arguing that actually the sun revolves around the earth, that the earth ISN'T round, that I'm actually NOT ever-so-slightly narcissistic at times.

So yes, I'm paranoid.

But sometimes I think I have good reason to be.

So . . . I'm convinced the people who work in my local shop/off-licence think I'm an alcoholic.

Okay, I buy a lot of bottles of wine in there. The brief time they lost their licence back in 2008, I was at a brief loss of where I could turn to for my wine fix (luckily, there was a Victoria Wine in the street at the time - phew!) The day I walked in and discovered the place in the fridge cabinet where the alcohol used to be was replaced with fruit juice and the like - I could have SOBBED. I felt like I had walked into some sort of alternative universe where nothing would ever be as hazy and drunken as it once had been again.

But recently . . . I've started to feel self-conscious about it.

I am CONVINCED that when I walk in and head for the alcohol section, they are talking about me.

They are not speaking in my language, and not being much of a cunning linguist, I cannot even TRY to discern what they are saying, but I fancy it is something like this.

I head casually into the drink aisle.

Male shop guy: Oh look, here she comes. Look at her PRETENDING to look at the Diet Irn Bru. Like she is ACTUALLY here for that.
Female: Oh no, we KNOW what she is here for. Wait for it . . .

With feigned nonchalance, I head towards the wine. As I reach for a bottle of white zin . . .

Male: Surprise surprise, eh?

Everytime I go in there to buy alcohol, I tell myself it's the last time. Why should I be keeping their shop in business with my wine habit when I feel like theyre judging me? Whether they are or not.

Yet it's at the bottom of my street! It's the handiest place to get my drink on!

But then . . . the times I go into the shop and DON'T buy alcohol . . . the days I buy healthy shit like eggs and wholemeal bread, or cleaning crap like binbags and Shake n Vac . . . they STILL make comments to each other.

And I just know they're speculating on whether or not I betrayed them and bought my wine elsewhere.

(Why, yes, I DID as a matter of fact!)

Yes, I'm being immensely paranoid. And I'm sure this paranoia speaks more of my secret worry that perhaps I AM a bit too reliant on alcohol at times, and that I don't necessarily want people to pick up on that.

Anyway, tonight's post has been sponsored by my last bottle of wine bought there for a while. Because my health kick starts tomorrow. And alcohol is banned for AT LEAST the next five days. Go me!!!


Is there anything that you find hard to give up? Or have been made to feel bad about for buying?


Oh and while we're on my favourite subject (ie ME) why not go check out the blog interview I did a few weeks ago if you want to find out a wee bit more about who I am and why I blog. You can even vote for my blog there, if you want to. Not forcing you though! :)

15 comments:

  1. Over here they don't sell wine anywhere except bottle shops and bars/pubs so I really don't feel judged at all, because everyone in there is just trying to get some booze!

    I doubt they're judging you...and even if they were? Who cares! :)

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  2. I gave up caffeine for my lil' dude but went right back to it as soon as I was done bfing...TMI?

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  3. I gave up Pepsi. (Well sorta gave up. I drink one every two weeks or so now instead of one or two every single day.)

    Co-workers were CONSTANTLY giving me crap for drinking something so sugary. Every. Single. Time.

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  4. They should be happy they have a loyal costumer. Wine is actually a better beverage than daily, say whisky or something.

    Anyhoo, on being judged, I often feel judged too. Only by the dvd sellers. I go to one dvd store almost everyday and buy at least 4 or 5 new movies/shows. I assume they think I have no life :p

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  5. I have a secret shame in going through the macdonnalds drive through just for a frozen coke. I always feel bad, and like they're judging me for being so lazy as to not bother getting out of my car for one item.. but then I think... if they didn't want me doing it, they shouldn't have put the drive thru option in there. BAH.

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  6. I feel self conscious buying a chocolate from the corner shop....feel like the shop assistant is judging me "She shouldn't be eating sweets, she need to shift a few pounds!"

    Probably also paranoid and business is business for the shopkeepers...

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  7. There is nothing NOTHING I SAY worse than trying to find a reliable place to buy the old french letters, nudge nudge, wink wink, know what I mean? When at Uni the shinty team used to hand out condoms in the hundreds at the Freshers' Fayre (I kid you not) so I stocked up enough to last me well into my thirties. I realise that by then the sell-by dates will leave me perilously at risk, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. Actually BUY condoms? Not on your nelly.

    Apart from that, I have had to buy, in no particular order (and not all for myself):
    - pregnancy tests
    - thrush cream
    - hormone supplements for menopausal women (this is a whole other story)
    - and of course, the thousands and thousands of tampons and towels that OF COURSE only male checkout assistants are there to help me with.

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  8. I'll be honest with you because I have the same problem. Sometimes I feel I'm in the liquor store wayyyyy too much. However, I've come to realize that no one really cares. Look at the other people in there with their dehydrated skin and veiny things on their noses. Alcohol is tasty. And really, they aren't talking about how much you drink because that's boring and other people drink more. They'd be talking about that all day about everyone in there. My guess would be you have a really hot ass and they can't help commenting on it. Stop worrying and drink up. Salud.

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  9. HA! Funnily enough I was having a lazy Sunday (as usual) when I came across a random tweet saying "Have had no food yet but have crack open a bottle of white - today's going to be interesting!". I thought, what the hell am I doing cleaning my apartment without wine for on a Sunday? I Quickly jumped out of my PJs (vowing to jump straight back into them when I got back-which I did), into my baggy jeans, flip flops and hoody. Now, the shop is only next door to me which I thought would save me from judgers but NOooooo... sure enough there she was... some random knob stood outside the shop in her finery eyeing me up and down and eyed me all the way to the wine fridge. Did I hear the conversation she was having to her friend in my head? Yes! Did she eye me up and down again as I approached the counter? Yes! Did I assume she pegged me as a wino on a sunny sunday? Yes! Did I care? No! Did I laugh my ass off all the way back to my flat? Yes! Why? Because I thought, I'm not a judgemental arsewipe like you and I will enjoy my Sunday as I bloody well like! It made my day really.

    Buy your wine with pride honey!!! They are probably admiring your hair or something... just tell yourself they are anyway! Or smile psychotically at them... that'll un-nerve them for long enough so that you can get out of there without caring! xx

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  10. You are one funny paranoid girl P.
    Who cares if the gossip, they got nothing better to do.

    I dont feel judged, but I do feel my local starbucks people do gossip about me everyday when I come in.

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  11. Oh honey, given the number of times that I (either alone or with A) ran down the street to buy booze about 2 minutes before the shop closed I really doubt that they're judging you.

    I've said it before and I'll say it again... they don't hate you!!

    I've built a nice wee rapport with one of the guys in the off licence I go to... I've stopped putting my booze in the fridge though because I'm very conscious of what my tee-total flatmate may think.

    The space next to my window keeps everything nicely chilled anyways :)

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  12. So I actually hate just going to the shops in general because I always get a judgy vibe from the check-out person...EVERYWHERE!! We did a little test whilst at uni, 3 of us went to Waitrose, the other 2 were rude and got amazing service, I was nice (as usual of course) and the woman was a bitch! Seriously, there's something about me that say "I must be judged"...perhaps they all know I once openly and unashamedly rented (yes rented) porn! hmm...I see the mistake now!

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  13. I was literally laughing out loud at this post... When I was living in London I went into the off-licence store by my flat to buy vodka after a horrible day. When I got to the counter the guy said "Wow... Looks like you've had a rough day and you're really needing this." The best part? There was a bum who bought a case of beer right before me. The bum was not judged... I was.

    Awesome.

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