I AM a paranoid person.
I cannot dispute that fact. It would be kind of like arguing that actually the sun revolves around the earth, that the earth ISN'T round, that I'm actually NOT ever-so-slightly narcissistic at times.
So yes, I'm paranoid.
But sometimes I think I have good reason to be.
So . . . I'm convinced the people who work in my local shop/off-licence think I'm an alcoholic.
Okay, I buy a lot of bottles of wine in there. The brief time they lost their licence back in 2008, I was at a brief loss of where I could turn to for my wine fix (luckily, there was a Victoria Wine in the street at the time - phew!) The day I walked in and discovered the place in the fridge cabinet where the alcohol used to be was replaced with fruit juice and the like - I could have SOBBED. I felt like I had walked into some sort of alternative universe where nothing would ever be as hazy and drunken as it once had been again.
But recently . . . I've started to feel self-conscious about it.
I am CONVINCED that when I walk in and head for the alcohol section, they are talking about me.
They are not speaking in my language, and not being much of a cunning linguist, I cannot even TRY to discern what they are saying, but I fancy it is something like this.
I head casually into the drink aisle.
Male shop guy: Oh look, here she comes. Look at her PRETENDING to look at the Diet Irn Bru. Like she is ACTUALLY here for that.
Female: Oh no, we KNOW what she is here for. Wait for it . . .
With feigned nonchalance, I head towards the wine. As I reach for a bottle of white zin . . .
Male: Surprise surprise, eh?
Everytime I go in there to buy alcohol, I tell myself it's the last time. Why should I be keeping their shop in business with my wine habit when I feel like theyre judging me? Whether they are or not.
Yet it's at the bottom of my street! It's the handiest place to get my drink on!
But then . . . the times I go into the shop and DON'T buy alcohol . . . the days I buy healthy shit like eggs and wholemeal bread, or cleaning crap like binbags and Shake n Vac . . . they STILL make comments to each other.
And I just know they're speculating on whether or not I betrayed them and bought my wine elsewhere.
(Why, yes, I DID as a matter of fact!)
Yes, I'm being immensely paranoid. And I'm sure this paranoia speaks more of my secret worry that perhaps I AM a bit too reliant on alcohol at times, and that I don't necessarily want people to pick up on that.
Anyway, tonight's post has been sponsored by my last bottle of wine bought there for a while. Because my health kick starts tomorrow. And alcohol is banned for AT LEAST the next five days. Go me!!!
Is there anything that you find hard to give up? Or have been made to feel bad about for buying?
Oh and while we're on my favourite subject (ie ME) why not go check out the blog interview I did a few weeks ago if you want to find out a wee bit more about who I am and why I blog. You can even vote for my blog there, if you want to. Not forcing you though! :)