She shows up approximately once a month. Sometimes early, sometimes late. She likes to catch me off guard you see.
Nothing makes her happier than when I'm not expecting her and she comes along.
She's a NIGHTMARE.
You think I'm kidding? Let's look at the evidence . . .
- When I'm on a diet and trying really hard to stay motivated. (Like now) She suddenly turns up and tempts my already week willed self with chocolate and crisps and stodge that I shouldn't be eating. She also puts me off exercise. (Which, admittedly, isn't too taxing a feat in itself so let's not give her too much credit for that).
- On the rare occasion I'm seeing a guy and actually having an active sex life, she is guaranteed to show up at the most inopportune of moments. AND pay a longer visit than usual, just to irritate me further.
- She makes me bad tempered and paranoid and miserable.
- She makes me feel fat.
- She likes to try and mess up my clothes. (Thankfully that doesn't happen very often. Phew.)
Of course, I'm not referring to an ACTUAL aunt. I don't HAVE an aunt at all, let alone one called Rose.
I'm referring to my period. Aunt Rose is my personal euphemism for my "time of the month" - I believe I stole it from the movie "Sugar and Spice" many moons (or cycles) ago. I think it makes a pretty good metaphor because a period CAN be rather like an unwanted relative.
I also like "on the blob". I don't know why. Maybe just because it's pretty blunt and a bit disgusting.
Kind of like I can be at times.
Another favourite is from my all-time favourite film "Clueless", where Cher refers to it as "surfing the crimson wave".
I mean, I COULD just say, "I'm on my period" but that's just a bit boring really. I've got to entertain myself SOMEHOW. After all, I'm going to be swollen and feeling gross for the next seven days. A girl's got to get her fun, right??
What's your favourite euphemism for periods? Or ,rather, the one you tend to use?