Monday, 22 March 2010

AND GUESS WHO'S JUST MADE THEIR MONTHLY VISIT???

Bloody Aunt Rose, that's who.

She shows up approximately once a month. Sometimes early, sometimes late. She likes to catch me off guard you see.

Nothing makes her happier than when I'm not expecting her and she comes along.

She's a NIGHTMARE.

You think I'm kidding? Let's look at the evidence . . .

  • When I'm on a diet and trying really hard to stay motivated. (Like now) She suddenly turns up and tempts my already week willed self with chocolate and crisps and stodge that I shouldn't be eating. She also puts me off exercise. (Which, admittedly, isn't too taxing a feat in itself so let's not give her too much credit for that).
  • On the rare occasion I'm seeing a guy and actually having an active sex life, she is guaranteed to show up at the most inopportune of moments. AND pay a longer visit than usual, just to irritate me further.
  • She makes me bad tempered and paranoid and miserable.
  • She makes me feel fat.
  • She likes to try and mess up my clothes. (Thankfully that doesn't happen very often. Phew.)
What a cow, right?

Of course, I'm not referring to an ACTUAL aunt. I don't HAVE an aunt at all, let alone one called Rose.

I'm referring to my period. Aunt Rose is my personal euphemism for my "time of the month" - I believe I stole it from the movie "Sugar and Spice" many moons (or cycles) ago. I think it makes a pretty good metaphor because a period CAN be rather like an unwanted relative.

I also like "on the blob". I don't know why. Maybe just because it's pretty blunt and a bit disgusting.

Kind of like I can be at times.

Another favourite is from my all-time favourite film "Clueless", where Cher refers to it as "surfing the crimson wave".

I mean, I COULD just say, "I'm on my period" but that's just a bit boring really. I've got to entertain myself SOMEHOW. After all, I'm going to be swollen and feeling gross for the next seven days. A girl's got to get her fun, right??



What's your favourite euphemism for periods? Or ,rather, the one you tend to use?

17 comments:

  1. "aunt rose" :) I did actually think you were talking about an actual aunty. I call it "time of the month" or "surfing the crimson wave". "on the blob" makes me feel a bit queasy for some reason.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Aunt Rose reminds me of something a 50's housewife would call it.

    I like riding the crimson wave.

    I haven't a clue why, but we called it the "curse" when real young and were not allowed to talk about it. Very odd that I think about it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You made me laugh like a lunatic when you first used 'on the blob' lol

    Surfing the crimson wave is one I sometimes use.

    As far as I know my period doesn't bother me that much. My libido increases a lot in the week leading up to it but apart from that, nada.

    Inconvenient at times though, as my last period came while I was standing beside the fruit & veg section in the Co-op in my hometown lol! Took me totally by surprise, frantically searched my room in my parents house - miraculously found a tampon! - and warned mum in advance that I had pants in the laundry basket.

    The joys of being a girl lol :P
    x

    ReplyDelete
  4. We call it the curse. Mostly because it only comes on the weekends I'm supposed to be with B.

    A book you should pick up (I'm not sure if it's out over there yet but Amazon has everything right? haha)
    Flow: The Cultural Story of Menstruation by Elissa Stein and Susan Kim
    I just started it last week but I'm over halfway through and it's pretty damn funny plus very insightful. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I used to call it an aunt, too :) My other half calls it a girlie leak, not as in taking a leak, rather as there being a leak - he's got plumbing qualifications after all :)
    I call tampons the cotton guys and that's quite disgusting I suppose ;)

    ReplyDelete
  6. I always call my period "Aunt Flo" Like the unwanted relative, but it's also a flow... get it? ;-P

    ReplyDelete
  7. My girlfriend always says she is "on the horse." Apparently that's what young ladies in Medieval times called it. Don't know if that's true...

    ReplyDelete
  8. I may be a bit boring but I always just say that I'm on my period. Or if I want to shock people, on the blob. If I want to pretend to be particularly prim and proper, I'll refer it to as "the monthlies" (like at work and such), but nothing particularly interesting.

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  9. On the blob - haha!
    My sisters and I have a really cryptic way of letting each other know we're on the rag (another good one!) I used to have terrible period pains that I could only describe as being like having a couple of kittens fighting each other in my uterus. So if I say I've got the kittens, they know!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Teehee - great post! I don't really use a euphemism, I just use boring ol' P-word, ha!
    And I agree that the period can be annoying, but what I love about it is that it tells that that I am noooot pregnant, woohoo! I'm on the pill and everything, but still stress out every month so when I get it I'm just happy I'm not preggers, lol.

    ReplyDelete
  11. You poor thing. Hope she checks out of town soon! This is what stinks about being female lol. My friends and I call it "Aunt Flow". How creative right? Haha.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Blame Eve for eating that damn apple. I'm going to go wash my eyes out now for reading a blog about a period. Eww cooties.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I like riding the crimson wave too but now that I've heard yours: on the blob - I might have to start using it!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Yeah, I too thought that you were talking about an actual aunt because they're that annoying too!

    ReplyDelete
  15. i just heard this, this past week . . . looks like my vagina was murdered. loved it. i've started saying that my vagina is committing suicide. but i like on the blob better. my daughter told me once her vagina exploded. also a good one.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww, on the blob sounds grossssssssssss!

    ReplyDelete
  17. I like to say aloud "Who's up for sloughage?????"

    It's a crowd pleaser :P

    ReplyDelete

You wanna leave me a comment? Come on, you know you want to really . . . ;)