Friday, 26 February 2010


I've been seeing people both in real life AND online mentioning how much they're looking forward to certain music festivals going on this year. I have friends who go to T in the Park every year without fail - one of my friends had her ticket bought for THIS year's T before she'd left LAST year's, I think.

Honestly? I don't know why people get so excited about these things. Sure, it must be nice to see a lot of bands you enjoy in the one place - to pay one fee to see so much . . . but it simply sounds like TOO MUCH EFFORT to me.

So here are various reasons why I am never going to be a festival type of girl . . .

  • I wouldn't have the slightest clue what to wear.
I look at the things celebrities wear to Glastonbury and the like and half the time I just think "Um, did you dress in the DARK?" A sequined mini-dress with WELLIES, for example? The fact is, I know I could basically wear whatever the fuck I wanted. But . . . what if I ran into a really hot musician? What if he didn't like my outfit? Man, we have to think of these things, right? I don't want to lose my chance with my future husband because he doesn't like girls who wear wellies with sequined mini-dresses, after all!!!

  • Camping and me? Not a good combination . . .
I've only ever tried to camp once. In my friend's back garden aged 11. We were really looking forward to it - but then three cats decided to keep jumping on the tent and sliding down it, while making noises more appropriate to the BIGGER cats in the cat family. Have you any idea how SCARY this is at midnight??? We ended up staying in the house that night. So no camping for me!

My friend who is the massive fan of T in the Park has an awesome story about how one year she got weekend tickets at the last minute. They were non-camping tickets but by some miracle they managed to sneak onto the campsite and found an unoccupied tent where they "set up camp". The next morning, the tent collapsed on her as she slept and she only woke up and realised what had happened when someone tried to walk over her.

Funny story for sure but I would have HATED it.

Oh and waking up hungover AND IN A TENT??? That sounds like a fecking nightmare!

T in the Park in its infancy used to be held in Strathclyde Park - which is right at the bottom of my hometown. Really, if I wanted to go to a music festival, I should have gone then, when it was HANDY. When I could have had MY OWN BED for the night.

And this nicely leads onto my next point . . .

  • Portaloos.
I do not want to be queuing with other people for the loo. If I need to spend a penny, I need to do it as soon as possible - without queueing. And I don't even want to IMAGINE the state these toilets get into.

  • I'm too high maintenance
How are you supposed to keep yourself looking hot without all your usual luxuries? One of my friends went to a festival up in the Isle of Skye a few years back and didn't get to wash her hair for FOUR DAYS! While I admit that there has been the odd time I've let my hair go without washing for that long, it's been when no one else was going to SEE me. I couldn't do that in public!

  • I get lost too easily
I've spoken about this before. I'd probably get lost going from my tent to the toilet. I'd probably end up in someone else's tent by accident. (Although if the tent turned out to belong to a hot naked guy, perhaps that wouldn't be such a bad thing . . .)

You can GUARANTEE there would be at least one phone call from me to whoever I was with asking for directions back to where we were sleeping. No question about that AT ALL.

  • I hate crowds
Which is one of the reason why I don't go to gigs very often. I start to feel panicky and/or furious at all the people in my way. I would imagine at a music festival there would be A LOT of people in my way.

I might ACTUALLY commit murder.

So . . . y'know . . . best I eliminate that risk and just don't go!

Although I've just realised that the line-up for T looks pretty awesome this year - not only is my future husband there with his band, there's also Florence and the Machine, Muse, Eminem and Jay Z! Now I really wish I WAS a festival chick. Damn.

Do you like music festivals? Planning on going to any this year? Any other anti-festival people like me out there or am I the only one?


  1. The word "portaloo" made me giggle uncontrollably for some reason. It sounds so much funnier than our "portapotty" which just sounds like a child's mobile toilet to me.

    and No, I've never been to a music festival and I don't plan on going to one. Not for any reason other than I too hate crowds...and by hate I mean hyperventilate.

  2. I think you said it all when you wrote, "Waking up hungover in a TENT?" Yeah, I'm with you! I'm just too old for that, no matter WHO's performing at the music festival!!

  3. I hope you camping goes good. I hate it so much. No matter how fun people tell me it will be my few experiences proved me how much I hate it lol

    The only thing I have planned so far is Cuba in 2 weeks.

  4. As much as I love to camp, and I can rough it went I need to, portopottys and camping in such a crazy crowd will just not float my boat.

    Instant anxiety in a crowd like that. I'm with you. No music festivals for me.

  5. I'd love to attend a festival. I really would. NerdBoy's been to Download in the past and I'm kinda jealous that I've never gone. you, the not-washing-hair thing disgusts me. I wash my hair daily anyway because I HATE it even when it feels slightly dirty, so there's NO WAY I could go four whole days without it. Same with cleaning teeth and horror of horrors - portaloos.

    More disadvantages than advantages I'm afraid :/

  6. I went to the Warped Tour with the hubs this summer. I was a good sport, but I don't think I'll be doing that again. NOT a big fan of gettin' dirty. AH ha ha

  7. I'm with you. I love concerts, but it's exhausting just seeing one act. I'm not much of a camper or Porta Potty user. I'm kind of a wimp that way.

  8. LOL I feel you. I don't really prefer festivals either but when I'm asked to play on it, then I don't refuse. As for going as an audience, if there are more than 3-4 artists I love then I will go. It's gonna be tiring, as you said, and I'm not super outdoorsy. So big crowds and wet grass ( if it's in the huge park ) will annoy me. This is why I'm not into outdoor rave parties either.

  9. I'm not a big fan of them, no. I see the appeal, but I have massive issues with the combination of massive crowds, stupidity and public drunkeness. Most of our festivals are in summer, so throw into the mix potentially 40+degree days, and it's just going to end up in me convusling somewhere in the back because I can't deal with drunken morons passing out or throwing up all over the place because they failed to realise beer isn't overly hydrating.

  10. Festivals are my idea of hell....I DON'T do camping, portaloos and crowds, so that sort of rules them out immediately :-)

  11. I love them. But also hate them for all the reasons you mentioned. Last festival i went to was T in the Park, you get to see bands you would never get to see elsewhere. i think we might go this year, but just for a day - no camping for me anymore!

  12. I've been to plenty of day-long music festivals, but never weekend long ones. I too, am too high maintenance for that shit.

    I wish I knew what wellies were :-/

    Agreed- walking into the tent of a hot, naked man would be A-OK with me!

  13. I love love LOVE Eminem, Muse and Jay-Z... what an AMAZING line up. Totally wish I could go :(

  14. I love festivals. LOVE THEM. Glastonbury is my favourite place on earth and I happily don't wash, let alone wash my hair, for almost 6 days. Hahaha. Filthy beggar I am.

    I'm with you on the hangover in a tent thing though. WORST THING EVER

  15. I like the idea of festivals in therory, but have never been to one! The thought of paying to look grungy for days and being cramped in with other people just doesn't appeal.

    However, if I could be helicoptered in and out everyday and taken to a luxury hotel to sleep ... well, I might just go to one in those conditions!

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  17. I LOVE music festivals and used to work at quite a few when I was younger as it's an excuse to not wash properly for a weekend and get dirty. I like!

    However as I get older the idea of sleeping in a tent 30cm from a sea of other tents having to spend the night listening to teenagers shouting and talking loudly all night and other couples having loud sex becomes less and less appealing so I now will not go unless I can take my camper van..a proper bed and a field full of civilised mature festival gowers is more my thing now.

    The thing i hate the most though is the cost. Most of the big festivals are a complete rip off; £180 for a weekend ticket plus you can't take your own alcohol into the that’s another £5 a pint plus £8 for a burger. You end up spending the same as you would for a week in spain....hence why I only go to small local festivals nowadays…..oh and massive crowds..can’t deal with them anymore either.

  18. i'm not a big festival fan but i've never been to one.
    but i love camping and things like that, so that's not something i object to!

  19. I am totally with you. I love the idea of music festivals but between the weather and the gross toilets and inevitably losing someone or yourself - it is just too much.

  20. portaloo's scare me. I have this fear of getting locked in one and someone tipping it over - yikes!

    I really don't like the thought of mud either. I don't think I'd be able to relax and enjoy myself.

  21. You just have to pick the right one. Stay away from the scum festivals (Glastonbury/Pilton, T, Bestival etc), stick to the cool, smaller ones with all of the facilities = Cornbury, Wychwood etc.

    Cornbury last year was excellent; showers, hot and cold running water, toilets - and all cleaned to five star effect every day.

    Wychwood has permanent showers and toilets on site - permanent ones, not portaloos.

  22. right there (or not) with you! give me my ipod over a festival anyday!

  23. totally with you on this one! seen you blog via The Carozone , fellow scot as I can gather!. Been to T once, was fun, but once was enough!


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