Friday, 12 February 2010

"IF YOU DON'T LOVE ME, THEN KNICKERS TO YOU" . . .

I dislike Valentine's Day.

In fact, to say I dislike it would be a vast understatement. It would be doing the way I feel about Valentine's Day a gross disservice to say I merely dislike it. I DETESTit. LOATHE it. DESPISE it.

What is the frigging point of it, I ask?

To show your loved one you care? As far as I'm concerned, if you're only showing that one day a year, then your relationship needs serious work.

(Not that you should listen to me. I'm not exactly the professional relationship person. My romantic track record speaks for itself.)

Back when I was a teenager, I LOVED the celebration. It was the one day a year you got to make a move on your secret crush . . . and people encouraged you to do so. I would spend MONTHS trying to decide what one of the five million guys I fancied that particular year would be the lucky recipient of the card, spend HOURS deciding what card to buy (usually the cheapest given I was in my early teens and without a job to fund anything more expensive), and then spend ages swapping Valentines rhymes with my friends. We would load it up with as many silly poems as we could. (I use "Poems" in the loosest possible sense. They were quite clearly the ARMPIT of poems.)

Poems like:

"Remember remember the night in the hall
You missed my head and kissed the wall"

or

"Knickers are red, knickers are blue
If you don't love me, then knickers to you."

(Hence the post title)

Then you had to find the guy's address. If you were lucky, he had an unusual surname and WAS in the telephone book. If not, further investigation was required.

Or, in my case, you decided to go for one of the guys you liked who DID have an address in the phone book.

(Yes, I always HAVE been lazy).

You'd finish off the card by leaving a little guessing game - marking dashes for each letter of your name.

-----/-----------

In my case, this wasn't the brightest of ideas. There weren't that many girls with 11 letters in their surname. I tended to get found out fairly quickly.

Anyway, I would send all these cards . . . but I never got one of my own.

(1-2-3 . . . AW!!!!!)

I would console myself with the fact that no one knew my address. But then the school Valentines post would come around and I STILL wouldn't receive anything. What was the excuse now?

And you'd have these other girls walking about gloating about how they had received FIVE that year and it just seemed so damn unfair!

Even now, I feel the same. I have never received an anonymous card. I have only been in a relationship for three Valentine's days in my life . . . yet have STILL Only received two cards. I still have them both, tucked away. I look at them every so often to remind myself that OCCASIONALLY someone has cared enough to give me a card.

It is a fact though that Valentine's day puts pressure on us all. Those of us who are single and have no one, like myself. And those who ARE In relationships. Who ARE obliged to go to a restaurant and spend over-the-odds on a meal that is more substandard and limited in scope than usual purely because the restaurant is trying to cash in and adhere to a "Valentine menu".

Last year, I spent most of Valentine's day watching chick-flicks by myself and feeling a tad sorry for myself, but overall happy I didn't have to think about Valentine's gifts. But there was still a tiny part of me which felt bad. This is a part of me which doesn't feel bad to be single most of the time. But February 14th brings out another side of me. It used to be a sad side. Now it's more venomous.

So perhaps this Valentine's Day I will spend the day trawling the streets looking for happy couples and doing my best to make their life a misery. KIDDING!

I will more than likely spend it hungover.

Suddenly a hangover sounds OVERWHELMINGLY appealing . . .

27 comments:

  1. I think I'm going to spend the day watching slasher vampire movies. :)

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  2. Ugh.

    I hate V day.

    Last year I tried to get drunk but then got food poisoning and then spent V day crying and throwing up. Sweet.

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  3. I'm indifferent about it. Don't really care much but I'm loving the parties. They usually give free drinks for girls, so who am I to say no to that and all night dancing?:D

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  4. Urgh, stupid Valentines Day.

    I'm going to spend the day decorating and avoiding couply people.

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  5. All the single ladies, all the single ladies... now put your hands UP!
    I spent the last two years awkwardly exchanging valentines with my Ex. This year... I am so stupidly happy to not have to worry about it, and just enjoy my Sunday without that shit.
    I will say, though, that red velvet cupcakes are pretty much the best thing about v-day. They taste better when you're single. It's a fact!

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  6. Firstly, those poems are great :) Secondly I agree with you. The Photographer is cooking me dinner on Saturday night but we don't really do Valentine's day. The whole thing is way too commercial for us!

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  7. Valentines Day can sod off. Last year I went out dancing (with my boyfriend at the tim), got riotously drunk and didn't go to bed for 2 days. Least romantice V day ever but also the most fun.

    This year I'm going for lunch with one of my single friends and we're going to hiss at happy couples. Haha.

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  8. Me & Mr W aren't massive fans. It's a bit too commercial and sickly for us. We usually end up going to the pub pr staying in and watching a film...pretty much the same as every other night but with cards added in. You should spend everyday making each other happy not just one. We name it 'girlfriends and wives day' because it's all about making the lady in the relationship happy for one day and showering her with gifts etc...the man doesn't get anything.

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  9. You know why those girls all got "anonymous" valentines and you didn't right? They were sneaky enough to send themselves cards. Yes, even kids are that shallow.

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  10. Roses are red, violets are blue. The more I learn the easier it is to fall for you.

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  11. Guter Beitrag, nur Absatz zwei muss ich widersprechen!

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  12. you just weren't being forceful enough P:

    Why not try the old fave:-

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    I've got a knife,
    now get in the F@8kin van!
    :)

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  14. Don't really do Valentine's..just exchange a cheeky card with hubby. It is such a commercial racket! Couple of my friends have their birthdays on the 14th and it's such a pain as you can't go out for a meal (all restaurants booked up and overpriced) and don't even think about sending them flowers as a gift!

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  15. ahhhhh! if I were to write a valentine's post, I imagine it would be exactly like this. I have very similar feelings on the "holiday" - except I've always hated it and I was always way to chicken to send valentines to boys in school. I always held out hope that I would get some sent to me though.... never did. and now I am a bitter old lady. haha.

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  16. I can't imagine that anyone as WITTY as you would be alone on Valentine's Day!! That just means you haven't met your true love yet...but I'd bet good money that you WILL!

    Thanks for the laugh, loved this post! I'm your newest follower!

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  17. Genial fill someone in on and this mail helped me alot in my college assignement. Thank you as your information.

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  18. This will be my first V Day in a relationship so i'm looking forward to it! Mick and i are exchanging gifts and going out to dinner - and we're leaving our 7 week old behind for the first time!

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  19. Now I'm trying to think of surnames with 11 letters. Farqhuarson? Nope, I give up :)

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  20. Aw P. I would totally give you a valentine! :) Valentine's Day is totally over rated though. Hubs and I just go out to dinner. Our only tradition is that we pick a place we've never been before to try out. And that is it. Way back in the day he used to woo me w/ flowers and such but no longer. So really Valentine's day is only for those who are newly in love. Once you've been together for a long time it loses it's fun. :)

    xoxo

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  21. I'm loved up...but I hate Valentines Day! Always have. Am more excited about pancake day to be honest...nom nom nom.

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  22. this is the first year that im actually beginning to hate valentine's day. it's so stupidly unnecessary and the thing is... you'd think guy would get a clue that its a day to pamper and shower a girl with affection, but instead they say things like "oh.. im not really that into valentine's day"

    great. just great!

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  23. i hate vday too. and i hate seeing the endless parade of commercials featuring happy smiling couples. yuk.

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  24. Don't worry, I haven't received a valentines day card in the post. Interestingly, Chaucer started it in the 13th Century which I found out in "The Times" today.

    I doubt that girls used to get five in all honesty. Because if guys are like me when I was that age, you just didn't unless you were going out with someone at the time.

    I do the full works for VDAY if I am then taken. If I have money, I'll book a table around Christmas time for valentines day just to make sure I can get one or if there is no money; romantic meal at home with candles, movie, ice cream et al.

    Don't worry, I'm not getting any this year either and I am going to spend the time I would normally be out with a girl having a meal... on a train.

    Meh.

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  25. I worked all day and then came home and ate two cupcakes my mom made me and then fell asleep on the couch. It was actually delightful.

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  26. My boyfriend and I usually stay in and cook dinner together. he gets me flowers. sometimes we get a hotel room downtown and order room service and cuddle up.

    We also celebrate a little something we call Steak and Hummer Day. It's like VDay for boys, and we celebrate it Aug. 14. I think you can guess how we celebrate from the name we gave this holiday. ;)

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  27. Keep posting stuff like this i really like it

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