Sunday, 20 December 2009

AND TIME FOR THE ANNUAL HUMILIATION . . .

I refer, of course, to the work Christmas night out. Let's face it, they may as well rename it "The Night Where People Do Terrible Embarrassing Things" - but I guess "work Christmas night out" is shorter, more efficient and everyone knows the inevitable embarrassment the morning after is implied in the title anyway.

Ours was last night in the Old Fruitmarket in Glasgow city centre, and I was expecting some sort of embarrassment to occur. Me and Christmas nights out have NEVER gone well together yet I always insist on going.

Things I have done at Christmas nights out that are stupid and/or embarrassing? Or are just ONLY things that happen at that one time of the year.

1. At a John Lewis Christmas party (the only one of them I went to) I got riproaringly drunk, talked to everyone I could about how gutted I was that I hadn't been kept on as a permanent member of staff (I'd been a Christmas temp) and finally puked outside the staff entrance copiously. (It was still there the next morning as I struggled hungover into work). I then got on the train home to Hamilton and for some reasons decided to not get off at Hamilton. On the last train of the night. Of course. (WHY???) Then drunkenly had to find a taxi to get me back to Hamilton once I finally got off the train.

2. At another job, I ended up in Bennets, a gay club, after the night out in question, with some of my friends and a guy I fancied. He then seemed to be getting quite cosy with one of the guys I was with, so I started thinking I'd read the signals wrong and was asking him if he was gay - which was when he kissed me. We ended up having to leave the bouncers kept moving us along (apparently straight couples aren't allowed to kiss in Bennets) and we ended up stting in the doorway of the pub next door in freezing conditions, contiuing to snog the faces off each other. THAT was actually quite a good night, in retrospect.

3. At a more recent one, I accidentally threw a drink over one of my colleagues. Seriously. The glass was wet, I picked it up and it slipped right out of my hands. And after it soaked her, it smashed on the ground. Embarrassment.com.

4. At an even MORE recent one, I snogged two guys in one night (its one thing to do that at a club where no one knows you, but not in a place full of your colleagues), forgot big chunks of the night and ended up outside crying cos I couldn't get a taxi.

5. The next one I got drunk and upset for no apparent reason and decided to go home (it was only a fifteen minute walk from my flat) - some of my friends stopped me and convinced me to go back in, so I wandered about in my coat for half an hour or so, before leaving again once I visited the bathroom and realised I'd been wandering about with black streaks of mascara coating my cheeks. Attractive...

6 Last year I snogged a guy then ended up crying because me and my friend got into an argument and I hate arguing. Of course, most people didn't realise anything had happened after I snogged the guy so they all thought I was crying because I'd kissed him. Which is embarrassing. After all, what 29 year old kisses a guy and then cries??? Oops.

This year, happily and AMAZINGLY, I think I managed to avoid any scandal. I don't think I did anything stupid. I don't think I even dropped or spilled anything. Wow!!! That being said, a girl from work mentioned this morning that there had been paramedics there and I don't remember this, despite her saying that she's sure she pointed it out to me at the time so if I don't remember THAT . . . then maybe there's stuff out there that I've mentally blocked.

AND I think I looked okay. This was me right after getting ready. (I'm totally into my brown contact lenses right now - think they're way better than the grey ones on me.)



Anyway, I'm hoping that my memory serves me correct in terms of me not doing anything stupid though. Please God!

So what's your most embarrassing office Christmas party story?

8 comments:

  1. You have brown contact lenses??? WHY?! I've always wanted to have blue eyes and there you are, hiding yours :( My boyfriend has blue eyes too and he says he'd like to have brown eyes...what is it with you people??? I am happy with my eyes now, they say it's green eyes are significantly less common than blue and brown :P

    ReplyDelete
  2. Heyyy go you not having an embarrassing story this year! *thumbs up* lol :)

    Hmm my own cringe-inducing Xmas work party story was from when I was 18 and working at a Debt Collection Agency. This was when I realised that me and an open bar don't go, particularly when I'm depressed.
    I got immensely drunk, then upset about an ex-boyfriend (who wasn't even there but for some reason popped into my head), so I left the pub inebriated and weepy and ended up being comforted by a nice middle-aged man who was passing by and wanted to make sure I was okay.

    Eek. Tomorrow night is our Office Xmas Outing - dinner at a nice restaurant with minimum / moderate amounts of alcohol since we're all working the next day.

    xXx

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ella - mine are green too actually. We're special! But I definitely like the brown ones at the moment! :)

    Mich - good luck with not having an embarrassing story too!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Strangely, I've been tame in work christmas parties standards. I'm sure I've talked my way into some pretty deep holes, but I can't recall doing anything I woke up and through 'what the fuck'. I did once buy everyone in the pub a round of drinks (my boss had his credit card on the bar - it was not just staff there, but regular punters too). He'd gone out for a bit, so thought it was a good chance to rack up the tab a little. Whoops!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Oddly enough i havent done anything too terrible at work Xmas functions - other work functions tho are a differents story.

    At a farewell party for me, before i left to live in the US for a year, my work colleagues kept buying my drinks so that i eventually lost count, got super dizzy on the dancefloor and ended up throwing up in the doorway of the ladies bathroom.....

    ReplyDelete
  6. P - you have green eyes and are covering them up? why? madness!

    ReplyDelete
  7. I actually don't have any mega embarassing stories from Christmas parties. I guess I save my embarassing stuff for normal random days out with coworkers when no one else is ultra drunk but me.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I try not to drink with work people. That said, I did get rather drunk with one of the teams I look after and suddenly woke up in my hotel. Last thing I remember was going into a bar. 10 hours earlier.

    Error.

    ReplyDelete

You wanna leave me a comment? Come on, you know you want to really . . . ;)