I loathe and despise rain.
Growing up in Scotland, I feel I am something of an connoiseur when it comes to the subject of rain. Especially as I was caught in what appeared to be some sort of random MONSOON this very evening. So I've decided to compile a helpful guide to rain for you. I hope it provides some assistance . . .
1. If you don't want it to rain . . . it will rain.
2. If you have spent more than five minutes sorting out your hair . . . it will rain.
3. If you are looking forward to a certain night out for AGES . . . it will rain.
4. If you have lost/forgotten/broken your umbrella and have no spare . . . it will rain.
5. If you are wearing a white t-shirt and no bra (although why WOULD you????) . . . it will rain.
6. Keep an eye out for surface water at the side of the road at all times if you're walking. There is a HIGH likelihood a car will drive through it and splash you. Possibly MORE than one car. Just sayin'...
7. If someone has a MASSIVE golf umbrella, chances are they will be walking in front of you, very slowly and holding you up. On a very narrow pavement.
8. If you have no umbrella, there is a good chance someone will try and poke you in the eye with a spoke of their umbrella.
9. If you are holding an umbrella and walking towards someone else holding an umbrella, you will meet at the narrowest point. Guaranteed.
Now I'm sure I thought of LOTS more rules as I stomped home with soaking wet feet, a pointless umbrella and a soaking wet paper bag of Primark goodies (Oh yeah, that's another rule, if you buy anything in Primark -one of the few places in Glasgow that's environmentally friendly enough to use paper bags - . . . it will rain) but my mind has gone blank. Possibly because 1) I'm probably dying of a cold now after being so soaked and 2) I'm too nervous about tomorrow night to think straight. But hopefully you identified anyway. And if you didn't . . . you clearly don't get enough rain. Where do you live? Cos I'm moving there...
Now, in closing, I want to share a song which is completely unrelated to the subject but which I've loved for quite a few months now, and I just saw it on TV and thought I would do you all a favour if you hadn't heard it yet. It's beautiful . . .