Friday, 6 November 2009

RULES OF RAIN . . .

I loathe and despise rain.

Growing up in Scotland, I feel I am something of an connoiseur when it comes to the subject of rain. Especially as I was caught in what appeared to be some sort of random MONSOON this very evening. So I've decided to compile a helpful guide to rain for you. I hope it provides some assistance . . .


1. If you don't want it to rain . . . it will rain.

2. If you have spent more than five minutes sorting out your hair . . . it will rain.

3. If you are looking forward to a certain night out for AGES . . . it will rain.

4. If you have lost/forgotten/broken your umbrella and have no spare . . . it will rain.

5. If you are wearing a white t-shirt and no bra (although why WOULD you????) . . . it will rain.

6. Keep an eye out for surface water at the side of the road at all times if you're walking. There is a HIGH likelihood a car will drive through it and splash you. Possibly MORE than one car. Just sayin'...

7. If someone has a MASSIVE golf umbrella, chances are they will be walking in front of you, very slowly and holding you up. On a very narrow pavement.

8. If you have no umbrella, there is a good chance someone will try and poke you in the eye with a spoke of their umbrella.

9. If you are holding an umbrella and walking towards someone else holding an umbrella, you will meet at the narrowest point. Guaranteed.

Now I'm sure I thought of LOTS more rules as I stomped home with soaking wet feet, a pointless umbrella and a soaking wet paper bag of Primark goodies (Oh yeah, that's another rule, if you buy anything in Primark -one of the few places in Glasgow that's environmentally friendly enough to use paper bags - . . . it will rain) but my mind has gone blank. Possibly because 1) I'm probably dying of a cold now after being so soaked and 2) I'm too nervous about tomorrow night to think straight. But hopefully you identified anyway. And if you didn't . . . you clearly don't get enough rain. Where do you live? Cos I'm moving there...



Now, in closing, I want to share a song which is completely unrelated to the subject but which I've loved for quite a few months now, and I just saw it on TV and thought I would do you all a favour if you hadn't heard it yet. It's beautiful . . .

10 comments:

  1. This is why pubs were invented. Shelter. :P

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  2. Burberry makes cute umbrellas that almost make the rain bearable. Almost.

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  3. You want to forget all those rules on your list ? Move to Australia! Aside from the fact that you, as a tiny pale Scotswoman, could possibly die from heat exhaustion in the middle of our harsh summers ( or sunburn to death ) you will love the very little rain we recieve.

    We call it " drought "....

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  4. I think I would take rain over the 7 months of snow we get!

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  5. I'll take the rain, please. It's barely rain here in Jakarta. Even in the supposedly rainy season ( like NOW ), hot sunny days still appear a lot.

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  6. Oh wow, did you actually go out in that last night? It was awful, and it was freezing! I am blaming the rain for my lack of social life lately. Good luck for tonight btw! ;) x

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  7. It always rains in Liverpool too. Every time I drive up there, it's fine. The second my car rolls onto the M62 ... the heavens open.

    All weekend.

    Fucking weather. The best bit about Luton is that it rarely rains. In two months since I have been there, it has rained no more than four times. FOUR!

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  8. Rain is kind of like red stoplights. If you're late, all the lights are red. If you don't want it to rain--it will.

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  9. Hailing from Wales, we get the shitty weather too :/ Loved this post - especially the bit about the Primark bags. If there's downpour, you're pretty much buggered when it comes to getting your shopping home. Just make sure you choose to buy any Primark underwear on a dry day. >.<

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  10. I hate getting wet in the rain. Ugh.

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