Tuesday, 17 November 2009


This post has been a long time coming, ever since I wrote the last "app" related post and then met up with Mich a day or two later for some drunken drinking-ness. (Oh, you know what I mean!) We were discussing my post and then realised there were loads of other applications which come in handy . . . you know, in terms of finding men.

Like . . . imagine you're walking down the street and see the most beautiful guy in the world coming towards you. (Or, the most beautiful girl in the word, if you're a guy. Or a lesbian. Don't wanna leave anyone out here!) "Wow," you think (probably to yourself but possibly aloud- sometimes it's out before you can help it.) "I wonder if they're single."

So you hold up your iPhone, load up your newest application and point it in the direction of Hotty. "Oh my god," you blink in disbelief. "He IS single. Praise the Lord!!!"

But wait.

Perhaps there's a reason WHY he's single???

Don't worry, there's an app for THAT too. It will tell you how many relationships he's had, the length of them, the number of one night stands, the time he's told someone he loved them just to get them into bed, the number of hearts he's broken. The number of times he has ACTUALLY been in love.

Perhaps it can even tell you if YOU'RE the one who is going to win his heart.

Whether he is worth your time and effort.

Or if he's just a big TWAT (a la the Cute Boy from the Party) and THAT'S why he's single.

If only, eh???

Quick note to Apple . . . if you CAN produce a successful app like that, then perhaps you will win me over and I'll consider coming over to the Dark Side.

An added hint to have me succumbing absolutely to your power (by which I mean actually BUYING AN iPHONE!!!). . . create an app that when you hold up to the Hotty, strips him of his clothes so you can see what he looks like naked. 'Kay???

After all, even if he IS a twat doesn't mean I shouldn't get a look at the goodies . . . right??? ;P


  1. That would be a fantastic app... but I don't think a computer could read a woman that well. Maybe a man but not a woman.

  2. Some of your posts are so wrong, yet they still make me smile :P

  3. I'll have one too please!

  4. I'd buy that app and the iphone if. it exists. After all I'd rather spend money than waste my time or feelings lol

  5. Those sound like great apps! I would come over to the dark side for those too.

  6. You forgot the 'Will he / she reply to texts or just leave me hanging, the ignorant cunt?' app.



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