Monday, 30 November 2009

IT'S ONLY WORDS . . .

I will fully admit to a lot of things I'm not good at . . . and one of the main ones is speaking in front of people. Even telling a joke or recounting something that happened to me earlier that day is something I can't always do well. I get nervous and start to stammer and forget what I was saying midway through. I've always been far better at expressing my feelings, telling stories via the written word than the spoken word. Back in high school, in English it would always be my presentation skills that would bring me down; in French, I was better at writing in another language than speaking it. But even as a child, I always had confidence in my ability to write. On top of that, I was the only seven year old in my class who could write in paragraphs.

But now . . . even my writing skills don't feel up to par. I think of something i want to write and, in my head, it is epic. But then . . . when I try to put it into real words, it somehow gets lost in translation. I know exactly what I WANT to say . . . but I just can't seem to communicate it the way I want to. It feels fake, flat, dead. It feels like I'm FORCING it. I feel like I'm forcing it. I hate that.

I've been experiencing blogger envy on a daily basis. I am jealous of those who can communicate ideas I have in my head, but can't seem to express in writing - Princess Pointful is one who springs to mind in this instance, or this post by Chele. Or those like LiLu and Maxie who have this amazing ability to find humour in even the smallest of situations - and manage to actually express it so you feel like you were THERE. Or just about anyone on my blog roll who can make my day in seconds, or sum up exactly what I'm feeling, when I can't do so myself.

Last week I went to see 2012, and I wanted to write a review afterwards. In my head, once again, the review was absolutely incredible. I knew everything I wanted to talk about, the points I wanted to get across . . . But I just wasn't happy with the finished result.

What is wrong with me? I used to read things I wrote and I felt like I had some promise there. I can still see the promise in the old stuff. But these days I just find myself . . . well a bit lacking, to be honest.

Is it just that I'm so disillusioned with the real world that I've lost my ability to be creative the way I want to be? That I just lack the energy to TRY anymore?

They say words can't hurt you. But I kinda feel like they've turned on me now . . .

9 comments:

  1. First, don't be jealous. You're doing quite well. And second, I wrote about a teen vampire movie today. So you're already doing better than me, at the least.

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  2. hey you're a brilliant blogger! You're definitely in my top 3, you're such a girl's girl :)

    xx

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  3. Thats exactly what i was talking about in my post the other week, and you asured me i was doing fine. So let me return the favour -

    So things might not come out exactly as you would like sometimes, but they come out the way WE like, otherwise we wouldnt keep reading, So keep up the good work P!

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  4. I feel the same way! In my head I am BRILLIANT! But the second I try to type it out, it looks like a 2nd grader wrote it. What is wrong w/ me!?!? :)

    However, I think you are a great writer!

    Cheers!

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  5. Writer's block maybe?

    Maybe you need a break or should take a writing class to get a fresh perspective and get out of the comfort zone.

    Or maybe some other stress that is showing up in your writing?

    I dunno, you'll get through it.

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  6. Darlin, this post is proof that you are exactly wrong.

    ;-)

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  7. I have the exact same thoughts about my stuff. As long as people are reading, I will keep writing. Eventually I'll get my groove back and I'm sure if you just push through you'll feel better about your stuff too.

    (although I still think its fabulous :-)

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  8. Oh wow! Love your blog! Just discovered it, or rediscovered it after seeing a comment you were sweet enough to leave on my long neglected blog! I've been sitting here reading and laughing!

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