Saturday, 31 October 2009


It's Saturday afternoon and I think there is the slightest possibility I'm still drunk from last night.

A "couple of drinks after work" last night turned, inevitably, into a "million drinks before virtually getting forced out of the door by bar staff at closing time". Oops. I then had to wait approximately half an hour for a taxi (luckily we'd ran into the 23 year old and his friend so they waited with me since the people I was with from work were heading in the opposite direction) before getting home and passing out face down horizontally across my bed still with my coat and (wet) shoes on. I woke up at six am and had to get up, take out my contact lenses, brush my teeth and change into my jammies before I could return to my bed comfortably.

I've only been up since about eleven but I feel exhausted. I've made a big batch of tablet for the flatwarming/Halloween party I'm going to tonight, I'm about to make some spag bol (which will probably do me for a week of dinners) and then I have to start getting my costume prepared. I decided to go as a devil, which should be fun - I have the horns, fork, tail and a slightly mental red and black tutu so just need to sort out the rest. Fancy dress REALLY isn't my forte though - this is the most I've dressed up since I was a kid!

Possibly pictures will be posted tomorrow. I can't promise anything though.

What are YOU all dressing up as? (Maybe it will give me an idea for next year - then I'll have a YEAR to plan it...)

Thursday, 29 October 2009


The title sums me up nicely.

I'm under no illusions that it is easy to wind me up; simple to get a rise out of me. I don't pretend not to be. What would be the point? People KNOW this about me.

And to some extent I don't MIND people winding me up. As long as they don't go too far.

And if they DO go too far, they can at least REALISE it and apologise.

But when someone puts words I never even said in my mouth, makes me angry, CONTINUES to wind me up, THEN has the cheek to turn around and imply that I am the one with the problem, that I am the one that needs to grow up . . . that person has gone too far.

That happened today.

I am still raging. Furious at myself for rising to the bait, yes . . . but angrier at the person who started it. Curious as well as to why this person is normal with me when in certain company, but in others seems determined to show me up and make me look like a fool. Infuriated that this happened in front of someone I don't know very well, as it showed me off in a bad light.

(Thankfully, as this person witnessed the whole thing, hopefully they can see just how thoroughly I was nettled at the time.)

I just feel like utter crap now.

Wednesday, 28 October 2009


Recently I've been enjoying the admiration of a younger guy. As in, 23. Given that I am now 30 and not feeling the best about myself, having someone like me who is younger is sort of nice. He asked me out the other day though and I turned him down. He seems like a nice guy and he makes me laugh but I'm not ready to get involved with anyone else right now. One of the things I said to him at the time though "Do you not think I'm a bit old for you?"

Apparently it hadn't even been a CONSIDERATION for him, while I was feverishly thinking "He's younger THAN MY BABY BROTHER!"

But it gets worse. Because he has a picture of himself on his facebook that I actually took one look at and thought "wow, he is CUTE in that. I could fancy him like that."

Turned out he was SEVENTEEN in the picture.

Man, do I feel like a cougar now . . .

Saturday, 24 October 2009


You know how when you're talking to someone and realise they say a certain phrase often in conversation? For example, I have a friend who uses "at the end of the day" a lot, or people who throw in "like" randomly at the end of a sentence, appropos of nothing.

Today I was trying to explain the plot of the awesome "Flash Forward" to a friend at lunchtime and realised that I use the word "obviously" a RIDICULOUS amount. In fact, I actually caught myself doing it a couple of minutes later and before I finished whatever I was saying I had to interrupt myself and say "Oh My God, how much do I use the word 'obviously' when I'm talking? And most of the stuff I'm saying ISN'T obvious!!!" I need to try and curb that habit.

In addition to this, I also think I've been spending wayyyyyy too much time in the blogosphere because I find myself saying and writing things I'm certainly not picking up from the side of the big pond we call the Atlantic that I'm on.

Prime example - "ass". Over here, we say "arse". "Today I just want to sit on my arse." "Nice arse." "Can't be arsed". But I've started replacing this with "ass". One of my friends picked up on it the other day, so I must be doing it quite a lot.

Other Americanisms (I think! They certainly ain't SCOTTISH things to say or write) I have been relying heavily on:

"Period" (as in, "I'm not using a full stop anymore. Period."
"Dude" (Once upon a time, only Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles, or Bill & Ted spoke like that in my world)
"Freakin'" and "Friggin'" (occasionally I don't feel like swearing...)
"For sure"

I'm sure I'll point out more as I catch myself using them.

Perhaps I'm trying to convert to Americanism???

(Just kidding - I'm still proud to be Scottish. Remember January's Guide to Scottishness???)

Thursday, 22 October 2009


. . . that I had a ticket to go and see the All American Rejects last Sunday, since Mich got me a ticket for my birthday.

In fact, I shouted it from the rooftops. I also told everyone if they didn't see me again, it was because I was going to run off with Tyson Ritter. Yum yum yum. He is HOT.

I mean, LOOK!!!!

The problem is . . . and this is what I always forget . . . how the FUCK was the dude going to see me from up there on the stage when I was stuck behind tons of people??? Dammit.

Instead Mich concentrated on trying to get me to chat up some not-altogether-unattractive looking dudes standing nearby.

(Mich, do you know me but at all??? I don't "do" chatting up!!!!)

So I had an awesome night, drank TONS of vodka (without the hangover the next day!), the band were fab (the support acts, on the other hand, were NOT), but I came home Tyson-less. Poor me.

Oh well. Maybe I'll pull the singer at the NEXT gig I go to.

But considering it's Kelly Clarkson (again) and I ain't that way inclined, I guess not . . .

Tuesday, 20 October 2009


I have a crappy few months the last wee while but after today I truly feel like I've had the stuffing knocked out of me.

I'm tired of this.

I wonder when things will go RIGHT for me for a change.

And I just WISH they fucking would already.

That's all . . .

Friday, 16 October 2009


  • I really REALLY want to go to London in December with work and I have a feeling I'm not going to get to go. I'd LOVE to go down, and I'd really love to down for longer, but I have never got to go in the winter, and certainly never got to go for a full week so I guess it probably isn't on the cards. Shame though, cos I actually enjoy the work we have to do down there, while other people complain about it, and I could really use with escaping from Glasgow for a bit. I'll keep my fingers crossed but I'm really not holding out much hope. Again. :(
  • Halloween. Okay, so one of my flatmates is moving out (the second to move in with her boyfriend in less than a month - boo. That makes me sad. I'm being abandoned.) and having a flatwarming party on the 31st. Of course this has turned into a fancy dress party. Now, I don't DO fancy dress. Mich will tell you this. I have a fairy wand, so I take that to fancy dress parties dressed in my normal clothes and pretend I'm an undercover fairy. So... I need ideas. I need a fancy dress outfit that is pretty, and not too complicated, and that I won't feel like an idiot in. The logical decision was to go as a PROPER fairy for once but one of my other friends has put the skids on that one by saying she is going as a fairy. But .. . . something along those lines. Basically not something I'm going to feel unbelievably self-conscious in. Help???
  • I did something a bit immature the other night . . . but in my defence, the guy started it by putting a status update on his facebook that he must have known I would see. And must have known it would wind me up. It angered me so much that I ranted about it to my flatmate, said there was no way I would comment on it . . . then OTHER PEOPLE commented on it, and then HE commented on it and then I couldn't resist. Basically, the general gist was that he was talking about the film "What Women Want" and how he knew what women wanted, he just wasn't interested in providing it. That wound me up, because if he'd put that status update up three months ago, I wouldn't have bothered waiting around for him. Anyway, in response to one of the comments on it, he said something about how it would be great to know what women thought, especially in bed. My response to that? "Not necessarily..." I don't think he quite knew what to think about that one...

Thursday, 15 October 2009


Sometimes I just watch music videos and, much as I love the song, think "What the fuck?" Okay, it's waaayyyy overthinking things on my part (but then, that's what I do - think way too much) but if you see a video often enough you find yourself picking apart the video. For example . . .

The thoughts that go through my head with this one . . .

1) Did Kanye really draw that picture???
2) Is Keri ever going to land when she falls backwards???
3) Why is Keri even TORN between the two at the end. Ne-Yo is FAR hotter, and anyway, even if she DOES choose Kanye over Ne-Yo, let's face it, he'll then turn around and say "Well, Keri, I'm going to let you finish but Amber Rose really gives better head than you..."
(Shit, did I type that out loud? I meant to...)

Or . . .

1)They don't even DESERVE that beautiful house the way they are trashing it.
2) That is going to be a fucking BUGGER to clean up . . .

Or how about THIS one???

1. What fecking LANGUAGE are they talking at the start?
2. What the fuck is she WEARING? (That thought occurs many a time throughout the video...)
3. What the fuck is she wearing on her HEAD??? (Another frequent thought...)
4. How did she manage to pull HIM??? (Oh yeah, oops, forgot, he's getting paid.)
5. What's with all the random dead bodies throughout the video? Did SHE kill them too?
6. Was it cos they were far HOTTER than her?
7. Are they meant to be on their way to a costume party at the end? Otherwise why would she be dressed as Minnie Mouse and he be wearing an eyepatch???
8. Why doesn't she poison herself when she tastes it?
9. And why did she have to kill her boyfriend to become famous again? Couldn't she have just gone on "Dancing With the Stars" or something???

That's all. For now...

Wednesday, 14 October 2009


A random (and, admittedly, rather odd) conversation which took place earlier . . .

GUY No 1: I hate him. I REALLY hate him. I'd like to kill him with a spear of asparagus . . . because that would take a REALLY long time.

ME: (skeptically) How would you manage to kill him with asparagus?

GUY No 1: Oh I'd work SOMETHING out, believe me.

GUY No 2: What will you do to the NEXT guy you hate? Attack him with a dandelion stalk???

And people think I'M odd . . .

Tuesday, 13 October 2009


At the moment, I'm feeling a tad uninspired. I have a lot going on in my head right now and at the moment, it's such a mess of tangled up thoughts that I'm best off just not trying to put them on paper (screen, I suppose, as opposed to paper, ha!). Once again, if anyone has any suggestions for potential post ideas, please let me know. I always come up with ideas then forget to write them down. Then they go out of my head completely. And I never learn my lesson. So please . . . if you have any ideas . . . I would be very grateful!!! ;)

Although I will shortly be posting my haul from my recent birthday in pictures. I just haven't quite got around to it yet. But you have that to "look forward to"!

In the meantime, since it is now officially Tuesday in my timezone . . . it's "Cheer Me Up Tuesday" time, dudes. So what's tickling my funny bone this week???

The main thing has to be this site - Not Always Right. It is a MUST for anyone who does, or has ever, worked in customer service. We all have a story of a time a customer said or did something stupid - and this is where people share theirs. It has given me soooo many laughs. I think this one though has to be my favourite so far...

Or how about the silly things people put on accident report forms. That rarely fails to make me smile.

Enjoy . . . and remember any suggestions will be gratefully accepted... ;)

Sunday, 11 October 2009


So it could be said that I'm a bit of a facebook addict. In fact, me and a guy I know who is ALSO a bit of an addict were discussing this one day and he said to me "Is it bad that the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is check Facebook?" My reply? "If I wake up IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT the first thing I do is check my Facebook."

My updates are regular. Perhaps TOO regular. While I try not to fall into the whole "Paula is doing something drastically banal but wants you all to know about it all the same", it's all too easy to find myself wanting to put a new update just for the sake of it. I tried the "Status Statistics" application out and it informed me that I had updated my status over 600 times in 400 or so days. I'd say most of these occurred since I got my Blackberry in February and realised I could update pretty much anytime and anywhere. I use my updates for a variety of purposes - to vent, to share anything random that pops into my head, or to prove how fine I am after a break-up.

Facebook has became a pretty big part of my life in the past year, which is pretty sad I suppose. But I can't help it. It has led me to form a pretty good idea of the pros and cons of it though, based on my own experience.

Paula is . . . now going to share these pros and cons with everyone . . .

(See what I did there? An update within a post. Wow, that's deep, huh???)

PROS: Getting to catch up with old friends, many of whom I haven't seen in years. It's actually helped me come to terms with a lot of anger I had from my past regarding the way certain people had treated me, or the way I FELT like they had treated me, and I've been able to make my peace with it.
CONS: When someone adds you as a friend that you really want to turn down because you don't particularly like them, but you don't really feel like you can because you have so many mutual friends, it would be bloody obvious. (I don't like to offend. Well, I don't like to offend people who aren't my FRIENDS...)

PROS: Hooking up with the guy. Despite the fact our relationship, such as it was, didn't last, I still don't regret it - just for that initial few months of reconnecting and chatting all night online, it was amazing.
CONS: The fact that ANOTHER guy from school has now asked me out about three times and is failing to get the hint. I've now had to lie and say I'm sort of seeing someone, since I don't have the heart to tell him I'm really not interested. Which now means I can't mention anything about going out pulling random strangers to make the guy jealous, because I don't want THIS guy to think I was lying to him about not strictly being single. Oh what a tangled web we weave...

PROS: Being able to share every random thought you have via status update.
CONS: Receiving a private message from the guy's friend (also from high school) asking if I share everything I think, feel or do on facebook and, when I replied "yeah, so???" was judged fairly extensively for doing so.

PROS: Mafia Wars is fun.
CON: It's now nearly as full-blown addiction as Facebook itself.

PROS: People being able to comment on your status updates makes it feel more interactive.
CONS: If people DON'T comment on my status update it makes me feel as sad as when I don't get many comments on a blog post (hint, hint!!!)

PROS: Being able to stalk people
CON 1: They can stalk you right back.
CON 2: Sometimes you see stuff you don't want to see.

Ultimately though, since I discovered Facebook, I think my REAL life has become that little bit more interesting as a result of my Facebook life. I just need to remember the two are actually SEPARATE and maybe the addiction won't COMPLETELY have me in its thrall...

Thursday, 8 October 2009


Ooooh, it's like winning the Oscars, hehe!

I've been given an award!!! Woohoo. Did you know I like awards??? ;)

Anywayz, it was given to me my the oh-so-lovely Little Ms Blogger and I couldn't resist giving the accompanying meme a go . . .

Copy and change the answers to suit you and pass it on. You must use only one word answers!

Once you have filled it out you then pass it on to 6 of your favorite bloggers and alert them that they have been awarded.

1. Where is your cell phone? Bed

2. Your hair? Dyed.

3. Your mother? Sweet

4. Your father? Intelligent

5. Your favorite food? Chocolate

6. Your dream last night? Nonexistent

7. Your favorite drink? Wine

8. Your dream/goal? Writing

9. What room are you in? Bedroom

10. Your hobby? Internetting

11. Your fear? Death

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Here

13. Where were you last night? Pub

14. Something that you aren't? Doorknob

15. Muffins? Okay!

16. Wish list item? Love

17. Where did you grow up? Hamilton

18. Last thing you did? Tidied

19. What are you wearing? PJs

20. Your TV? Tiny!

21. Your pets? None

22. Friends? Awesome

23. Your life? Surreal

24. Your mood? All-over-the-place

25. Missing someone? Bigtime. :(

26. Vehicle? Feet!

27. Something you’re not wearing? bra

28. Your favorite store? Warehouse

29. Your favorite color? Pink

30. When was the last time you laughed? Today

31. Last time you cried? Yesterday

32. Your best friend? Sis

33. One place that I go to over and over? Insanity

34. One person who emails me regularly? Mum

35. Favorite place to eat? Restaurant

The six bloggers I want to pass this on to are:

At Least I'm Skinny

Don't feel obliged to do the meme, but know I love your blogs - as well as the other ones on my blogroll and google reader obviously, but unfortunately I COULD only choose six. Boo. :(

Thanks Little Ms Blogger! :)

Tuesday, 6 October 2009


Okay, I am TOTALLY talking crap, it's not THAT serious. But . . . I DO have a question.

Wait for it.

Here it is.

If you could be anyone famous, who would you be???

For me, it's got to be Shakira.

I mean, have you SEEN this video???

Okay, the frickin' video won't embed right. Go here if you haven't seen it.

She's hot, she's flexible as fuck (how handy would THAT be???) AND she's a good person.

The only way I can make myself feel better about myself? The fact that she's two and a half years older than me!!!

Ha!!!! Suck on THAT, Shakira.

(But seriously, if you ever want someone to take over your life - and body - I am soooo there!!! I love you!!!)

So . . . who would you like to be? Remember, Shakira is mine!!! ;)

Monday, 5 October 2009

WHY . . .

  • am I a magnet for freaks on the street? Case in point: the man who decided to stop me on the street this morning to tell me he'd just discovered that Britney Spears was an anagram of "Presbyterians". (I'm not sure what the point of him telling me that was, but he seemed rather excited about it. "I'm telling you, I nearly fell off my seat when I realised," he informed me. Er - ok . . . )
  • was I silly enough to post pictures of myself as a little kid on Facebook so that they were easily accessible to my colleagues to embarrass me on my 30th??? A lovely picture of five year old me sticking her head out of a Wendy House and making a silly face was witnessed by many of my co-workers today. Hahaha.
  • am I so tempted to break into the two boxes of chocolates and bottle of Pinot Grigio Rose given to me by said colleagues, when I have already eaten like an utter pig today??? I truly have no willpower whatsoever...
  • speaking of which, why, when i decided to have a light dinner given I'd overloaded myself with carbs and cheese at lunch, did I somehow end up eating cheese on toast??? Let's face it, macaroni cheese and toasted cheese . . . are pretty much the same thing . . .
  • why is it never the ones I want who want me back? It is starting to become unbelievably frustrating.
  • and why is it that i can't stop thinking about the "happy birthday" message the guy left me and over-analysing the fact it had a kiss on the end of it. Why must I ALWAYS over-analyse???
Grrrr. That's all. Just grrrr.

Sunday, 4 October 2009


My sister to me as we poured ourselves a little Bucks Fizz this morning to celebrate my big 3-0 and prepared to clink glasses together and say "Cheers" . . .

"I hope you had a great night last night and have a great day today and I love you and no one else would get me to drink wine three days in a row and . . . oh, my hand is shaking."


Sorry sis.

Friday, 2 October 2009


Yesterday (and today, but that's unrelated) I had the day off. So I decided I was going to do what I'd been planning for a while... and have a "Lord of the Rings" marathon.

I bought the trilogy a couple of weeks back off amazon when I was drunk, was watching a TV programme about the 100 sexiest TV characters or something like that, and saw Aragorn and Legolas mentioned. Which, rather than turn me on, just made me think "Oooh, I haven't seen those films in ages!" So I immediately purchased them.

And therefore my plan evolved from there.

Of course, I didn't take into consideration one thing . . . the LENGTH of those bloody films.

Deciding to start the marathon at around 2pm was my first major rookie error. Considering the first film is ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY ONE MINUTES LONG!

Secondly, the dvd was busted and kept freezing, which necessitated me having to reload the whole thing and then find the point where I'd left off.

Which was kind of hard as I kept getting distracted by Facebook and therefore wasn't paying enough ATTENTION to know what point I'd left off at.

I FINALLY (at half past six!) reached the end of the first time, peeled the cellophane off the second film, popped it in the dvd player . . . and then took it straight back out and replaced it with "The Inbetweeners".

I physically couldn't sit through anymore of it.

I guess I'm not as much of a geek as I thought. Oh well...

Thursday, 1 October 2009


A couple of months ago, one of my colleagues had a book about zombies in work. Not really anything I've ever been interested in before, but there was a section at the back about documented histories of zombie attacks. One was about a ship full of prisoners, long ago - one of the staff must have been infected, the zombie-ness (if that's a word) quickly spread through the ship and reached the chained up prisoners, passing along the chain. The writer of the book noted the terror those at the end of the chain probably felt, seeing their fate coming towards them and not being able to do anything to avoid it.

Do I have a point here?

I suppose, in a way, I've felt like this about turning 30. Not the utter horror of the poor prisoners who became zombies, obviously (I'm really hoping one of the disadvantages of turning 30 isn't becoming a zombie) but when you have a lot of friends on facebook that you went to school with, you see it coming. Each week there's a status update from someone saying they can't believe they're leaving their twenties behind, a plethora of "Happy 30th" messages and then eventually they say "Oh it's not so bad." They've accepted their fate. I guess it's time for me to accept mine.

Just the idea of me not being a twenty-something anymore though . . . it's scary. I don't remember feeling like this when I moved from my teens into my twenties. But this is a whole different ball game. This is a GROWN UP decade. I'm not sure I'm quite ready to grow up yet.

But on the other hand, when I look back on how I started my twenties . . . I realise I've come a long way. Particularly in terms of confidence. I used to be barely able to speak to guys . . . now I've morphed into s bit of a flirt. I used to think I would NEVER get a job (apart from my one short stiny working in a bakers shop) . . . now I've had millions.

I may not entirely LIVE like someone who is about to hit her thirties. The majority of items I wrote a year ago about why I don't feel like a grown-up still hold true.

But I can work on that.

In the meantime though, I'm going to try my best to continue having fun.

Plus I got ID'd last week, which means I clearly don't LOOK my age.

Which is of course the most important thing of all...