Friday, 18 September 2009

ON DATING DINOSAURS AND NOT TALKING TO CHILDREN WHILE TIPSY . . .

There's some programme out there called "Kids Say The Funniest Things" or some crap like that. Kids DO say funny things. But what about the things that we ADULTS (I use "adults" in the loosest possible sense of the word obviously, unofficially I don't consider myself one) say to kids?


Particularly while under the influence . . .


Here is a picture of my ex. His name is Barney.


You recognise him, right? He's kind of a big deal after all.


Obviously, we couldn't have a lasting relationship. For one thing, he's not real. For another, he's a dinosaur. Oh, and did you notice, he's PURPLE???


(I don't want to be colourist here, but I can't date something that's purple. I mean, I'd have to make sure every outfit I ever wore didn't clash with his skin colour. Man, talk about high maintenance...)


Basically the odds were against us right from the beginning . . .


Okay, okay, you got me. I didn't actually date Barney. We didn't go to the pictures, get drunk together, meet each other's parents (can you imagine???), do each other in the back seat of a car (he wouldn't fit).


I'm totally lying.

But apparently I told my friend's kids that he was my ex-boyfriend.


My friend from uni has three adorable sons, and I went to visit her about two months ago. I'd taken along a bottle of sparkling white wine as a very belated 30th present and she had a bottle of rose in for me (either she knows me too well or has noticed that every other status update on facebook mentions me drinking rose wine). I have a strong feeling I ended up drinking most of both of those bottles. (Sorry hon!)


I don't remember telling them that Barney was my ex boyfriend. I only found out when she told me that while THEY had been very impressed and thought I had cool connections, their GRAN had been more than a little confused when they had excitedly told HER about my famous ex.


Oops.


Well, it certainly explains why they seemed so attached to me when I was leaving. Obviously hoping me and Barney would rekindle our relationship and I'd bring him around to tea.


Sadly, I don't think a reunion is on the cards.


Sorry boys. :(

9 comments:

  1. I love it! You're definitely on the fast-track to coolest baby-sitter...

    Although I'm curious: how old are the kids that they're still Barney enthusiasts, but can get their heads around the concept of an ex?

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  2. one is six and the twins have just turned three. yeah, i kinda see your point...

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  3. Lmao BRILLIANT!

    The worst thing (or best, depending how you look at it) I told a friend's child was that I knew he secretly liked me and I was going to marry him.

    Ahhhh fun times!

    And hey, I got a Squidward keyring (from Spongebob!) out of it... that kid is gonna grow up regretting he let me get away, we had the same taste in cartoons after all...

    :P

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  4. You are totally right. Purple is so hard to match. It was doomed from the start.

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  5. Purple is a tricky colour to complement - no to mention the fact nothing rhymes with the name ...

    Creative lies/facts work well though. Just convince yourself that they are true, and you are on to a winner. Honest.

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  6. Hm. Dating Barney? It would've been weirder if you'd told them you were dating Baby Bop. Or her brother (whose name I can't recall). Because then you'd be a pedophile.

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  7. LOL talking about seriously awesome! Kids are better be far, far away from me if I'm drunk. I will most definitely say crappy stuff :P

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  8. This is too funny. Kids will believe anything anyway, so it doesn't help much if you're also under the influence!

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