Thursday, 10 September 2009

THE CLOSEST I'LL PROBABLY GET TO TMI THURSDAY . . .

If you want REAL TMI Thursday stories, check out LivitLuvit, and LiLu's links to the other blogs taking part. But in the meantime, I will share the closest story I have to a TMI. That I can think of anyway.

It happened the same night I tried to bribe a gay guy to sleep with me with a caramel. If you don't know that story, look here.

After striking out with the gay guy, and getting chucked out of the office I was working in with security, I went home with another guy I was friendly with. Not like THAT. He was also gay. He lived nearer the city centre than me; at the time I lived with my parents about ten miles south of Glasgow, and I'd missed the last train home, which was at some RIDICULOUSLY early hour like 11pm. (Seriously, who goes home on a weekend at THAT time???)

Earlier on that night, when I was pissed out of my brain and saying stupid stuff, I was being really dumb and asking all the dudes what size their penises were. (Yep, even back then I was saying utterly inappropriate stuff to the strangers when under the influence.) Obviously, no one was SHOWING me. I was just CURIOUS. At this point, I'd never actually saw a lot of them - apart from on Eurotrash, where they tended to belong to porn stars or German nudists. Not exactly a good representative of the average penis, I'm sure you'd agree.

ANYWAY, we got back to my friend's house and ready for bed. He had a single bed so it was obviously going to be a bit of a squash. I wasn't worried too much though - after all, he wasn't exactly going to try and rob me of my virginity or anything like that!

As we lay there in the dark, talking rubbish as we drifted off into drunken slumber, he said to me all of a sudden.

"Close your eyes and put out your hand."

I did it.

(I know, seriously! What was I THINKING? How naive am I?)

Next thing I was touching his penis.*

His small, very soft and VERY not aroused penis.

Yes, the first penis I ever touched and it belonged to a guy who wouldn't even GET OFF on me touching it.

"Well, you wanted to know what it felt like," he protested when I protested.

Er . . . I actually DIDN'T! I had only asked if it was big.

I'm not proud of my actions after that. I told most of our mutual friends that he had done it.

He counter attacked by telling everyone that I had totally WANTED to touch it.

I denied this strenuously. Given that I was being HONEST!

He retaliated by stealing my Kylie Minogue's Greatest Hits CD and then falling out with me when I asked for it back.

Last I heard he was working in Florida.

In Disneyworld.

Oh yeah.


*I would like to add I recoiled pretty much the moment my hand and brain engaged and I realised exactly WHAT I was touching. Just in case you thought I ended up getting into it...

11 comments:

  1. This is definitely a TMI: Thursday story, most definitely!

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  2. LOL you're totally hilarious! I can never imagine touching a gay guy's penis. I mean one of them made out with me being completely drunk but that is all lol

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  3. oh thats awesome! I've never touched a gay guy's penis which, in retrospect, is surprising because i have so many gay guy friends and we get drunk together all the time.

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  4. I wouldnt have recoiled... i would have collapsed into a fit of giggles.

    Either that or given it a little tug , just to see if i could turn him ;)

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  5. omg! I am giggling hysterically at this story! Why would he possibly think that you wanted to touch his flaccid, not-fo'-girls penis?! omg. Penises are only even remotely attractive when they are being useful!

    Had I been you, I also so would have told everyone. It's too funny/weird not to!

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  6. Haha, I hope he doesn't play one of the giant characters!

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  7. OMG! Too funny! Who does that!?!?! I once got a text pic msg from a gay friend of mine of his erect penis. He was drunk and didn't remember sending it. I still have no idea why he sent it to me anyway. But I was sure to show EVERYONE. Luckily he has a good sense of humor (and was well endowed so probably didn't mind) and laughed it off! :)

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  8. Ahhhhahahahaha! Didn't know he was now working in Disneyworld!!

    We must go there on holiday, find him, and get your CD back!! :P

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  9. Awesome story, dunno how I missed it till now :D

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  10. This is hilarious! Although I'm sure NOT at the time...! lol

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