I have had a revelation, of sorts, today.
I am really REALLY unhappy. Again. I feel stressed, I feel depressed, I am absolutely sick of nothing going the way I hoped. I feel used. I feel like I'm stuck in some sort of rut and I don't know how to get out of it.
I feel completely and utterly out of control. Of my own life.
I wish for once things would work out as planned. That I could see into the future and know that everything is going to be okay. That, in the end, it will all work out. Even then I might not mind the obstacles in the way as much. Because I'd know it would all be good eventually.
I wish my happiness didn't depend so much on the actions of the other people in my life. I wish I could work out how to flip off the switch that makes me feel that way.
Apologies for the negativity, but I just needed to have a rant. Maybe it'll be a weight off my shoulders now. But probably not. The way I feel right now this could just keep on running.
Then again, maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and feel all good again. We'll see . . .