Saturday, 20 June 2009

SLIPPING INTO OLD HABITS , , ,

When I lost a friend rather abruptly about a year and a half ago, I cut myself off from their whole internet life. It hurt me too much. I was too scared of what else I might find there, what I might read about.

Last night, for the first time, I actually ventured with trepidation back into their space. It was odd considering I hadn't been there since a week or two after it was all over.

I think my reaction proved that I was over him. Because I had been avoiding it for so long due to the initial ex he moved onto after me . . . and then the current girlfriend who I still don't want to hear about. . . And then I looked at it, after such a long space of time and . . . I guess I felt nothing but relief that I was out of it.

Don't get me wrong, it still upsets me when he treats me like crap, when he will joke around with everyone else but me, look at me with scorn when I try to be friendly. As if I've done something wrong. Despite everything, I still wish I could have the friendship back.

But fuck it. I am not wasting any more time on wishes. . . .

4 comments:

  1. Hurrah! Good for you. I remember that feeling well.

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  2. Well done for being so strong! Thanks for blogging about this, it is nice to know I'm not the only one!

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  3. Hugs, sorry i havent commented in so long, i cant for some reason at work, but im back now.

    You come across as so brave and so strong here...

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  4. P.s its smidge, i cant comment as me, as you dont have totally open id...

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