Thursday, 28 May 2009


I hadn't even left the office today before I knew I wanted wine. But where to buy it?

As I said to the girl who was leaving at the same time as me, I didn't want to go to my usual place, the shop at the bottom of my street. I feel like I buy WAAYYYYY too much wine in there and they're starting to judge me. So I decided to go to the Co-op on my way home, as I hadn't bought wine in there in - oh, at least two weeks! I didn't have any ID on me, but of late I've been pretty lax with bringing ID. After all, I'm quite a bit off the legal drinking age now, surely people can't mistake me for 17. I'm not even sure I'd be mistaken for TWENTY, in the shops that have the "if you look under 21" policy.

So I selected myself a bottle of cava (I'm loving the fizz at the moment) and headed up to the counter. And the woman asked me if I had any ID.

"No, sorry," I said confidently. To be perfectly honest, generally when people ask me for ID they seem fairly surprised when I pull out my passport, like they were just asking on auto-pilot. But this woman looked annoyed.

"I'm 29!" I protested, in genuine surprise. Surely THAT was a deal-maker???

But she STILL continued to stare at me. I felt a sudden stab of horror. Was she going to refuse to SELL me the wine??? I was already starting to feel mortified at the very idea of having to leave the shop empty handed when there was a queue behind me, bearing witness to my humiliation.

Finally, when I was about to cut my losses and walk out, she shrugged and scanned the bottle of wine. "Okay," she said. I inwardly breathed a sigh of relief.

I think it was the "I'm 29" argument that swung it. She clearly didn't BELIEVE I was that old, but if I'd said I was 22 or 23, she would probably have refused to serve me the alcohol. Let's face it, if I looked like me but was underage, I probably wouldn't lie and say I was 29, I'd be more likely to say I was nearer my own age because it would seem more believable. If that makes sense. (There's some advice for underagers trying to buy alcohol I guess. Always exaggerate!)

As I stood waiting for my change, I felt obliged to say "Thanks though, that made my day". Obviously, it HADN'T, but it felt like something a 29 year old would say.

Then I remembered again I WAS 29. I had almost thought I WAS pretending for a minute . . .

But at least I have my cava to enjoy now! Mmmmm . . .

OKAY . . .

So . . .first off, thanks for the links! I'm particularly enamoured with stumbleupon, so I will never be off the internet from now on.

Not so sure I will be blogging though.

Don't get me wrong, I LOVE blogging. I love writing, I love sharing the stuff that's going on in my life, I love your feedback.

I HATE the haters though.

Those that I once cared about, that I maybe accidentally fucked over. I don't know how Im meant to make things better, but I know that they are apparently hell bent on fucking me over in return. It makes me feel that, despite the fact that I am not saying anything I wouldn't mind other people hearing, people are still determined to use my words against me.

It's weird isn't it? I mean, I KNOW that certain people I know in real life are reading my blog. I always have. Not only have I already supplied some of my friends with the URL, but I KNOW it's not exactly hard to find out these things. But . . . who knows? I thought better of some people, despite everything. And then . . .

No, I don't even want to get into this. I can't. I've kept it bottled up now for close on a year and . . . No. It makes me too mad.

Don't get me wrong. I WILL keep blogging. Just because I'm not inclined to right now doesn't mean I won't. Because it's a free fucking country and I like to do it. It's just that right now I'm inclined to just rant and rant and RANT and I'm trying to be a bit more positive these days.

In the meantime . . . I've got to stop feeling guilty. Two and a half years of being on the wrong side of a grudge (a deserved one, admittedly, but not one I caused out of maliciousness)? Long enough!!! Two and a half years of dirty looks and hearing nasty comments about myself? DEFINITELY long enough.

That's all.

Tuesday, 26 May 2009


. . . when you're bored, and online, where do you go to entertain yourself?

I'm sitting here, mildly bored, imbibing a glass of sparkling rose or two and wanting some new fun sites to check out. Or internet games to play. Or . . . something!!!

Seriously - I need links here people!!!

Help me!!! :(

Sorry, I know I've been very lax when it comes to the "Cheer Me Up Tuesday" posts of late (it IS Tuesday, right???) so I'm going to share a clip from one of my favourite shows. It isn't my FAVOURITE clip but it's from one of my favourite episodes and shows the difference in what men remember and what women remember . . . so I think it's pretty funny . . .

Monday, 25 May 2009


So let's rewind a bit and talk about the night before I went to Rhodes. Because THAT was a fun night . . .

. . .

. . .


As we all know, I suck at packing.

(Completely. Utterly. Could not suck more if I tried! Anyhoo . . . )

So it got to the Friday before I went away and I still hadn't really packed. I wasn't stressing though. I went out for dinner and then headed back early-ish thinking, "it's all cool, plenty of time". Spoke to my sister for a bit on the phone (I needed a rant), cracked open a bottle of rose, looked at the clothes I'd started laying out on my sofa . . . No problem, I reckoned, it will all be done by later on tonight. I decided to watch a dvd for a bit (Anchorman - one of my faves) and then get started.

It was only eight-ish and was still fairly light. Then my lamp went out. My laptop switched itself off. And "Anchorman" was no longer playing.

We have a lot of power cuts. The last one, weirdly, was the morning of the day that the guy ended up asking me out. More often than not, they're specific to our flat and something has tripped the fuse. We always need our landlord's help though! But not this one.

Apparently the whole of G20 and G12 postcodes were out. Our neighbour (isn't it funny how you only speak to these people when these kinda things happen?) said it was going to be back on by about elevenish.

Me and my flatmate looked at one another in horror. So much to do and we were stuck in the dark, without electricity until nearly midnight??? That was so NOT good!!!

We lit as many candles as we could find and I proceeded to try and pack. That was a whole other problem entirely.

First of all, I grew up in a house which was fundamentally anti-candle (I bet you haven't heard THAT phrase before!). My parents do not light candles, think they are fire hazards. The only ones we had were the ones we had been given for our confirmation or communion or something like that. Which were used more as mementoes than functional things. I've always LIKED candles personally but only in a scented-candle-cos-i-want-things-to-smell-nice kinda way. Not to try and LIGHT my way.

Especially when (and this is point two!) you are waving items of clothing near naked flames.

Yeah, that just doesn't work. I'm wary enough that I had to stop trying to pack pretty damn quickly! (Probably a good thing given I was drunk)

On schedule, at 10.58 pm or so, the electricity flicked back on.

By which point I was pissed and couldn't face packing/shaving/fake-tanning my legs.

But that wasn't the issue here. The main problem?

That there was this random, UNBELIEVABLY LOUD, bleeping going on at intermittent intervals!

At first we thought it was just the fire alarm. It seemed to be making a noise initially. But no, we stood next to it and nothing was happening.

"It sounds like it's coming from your room or maybe the other kitchen" my flatmate said to me. They're at the other end of the flat. So we headed on the trek down there. But when we got there and waited for the bleep, it sounded like it was coming from whence we came!

This was the point where we realised how reminiscent it was of the episode of "Friends" (which I incidentally just saw tonight) where Phoebe can hear the bleeping in her apartment and is trying to switch it off but can't. But in OUR case, we couldn't even source the noise. But at least we knew it wasn't a spaceship!!! :)

FINALLY we realised it was coming from the carbon monoxide alarm in the other kitchen. (We didn't even know we HAD a CO alarm so there you go. Suppose we should be grateful for that!)

Of course, we still had a problem here. Because we have fairly high ceilings . . . and the alarm was nearly AT the ceiling. Given that neither of us are tall, what were we meant to do??? We couldn't bloody REACH the thing, let alone work out where the button to stop the bleeping was!

In the end my flatmate's boyfriend gave it a go, but we couldn't get it to stop at all. We ended up having to leave for Rhodes with the infernal thing STILL bleeping! Luckily, by the time we got back, it had been resolved!

Apparently, one of the other flatmates had returned after the weekend to hear it still bleeping and had asked the one remaining flatmate if she knew what it was. Bearing in mind this girl had been putting up with it for nearly two days. "Oh," she'd said. "I could hear it but I wasn't sure what it was." So she hadn't even THOUGHT to ring our landlord (who we'd already spoke to several times during the blackout/bleeping incidents) despite the fact that she must have been supremely disturbed by the thing.

I REALLY don't get some people at all . . .

Sunday, 24 May 2009


When one is out clubbing, and ever-so-slightly drunk (okay, 100% WASTED!), one should NOT attempt to see "how low they can go" unless they are convinced they will actually be able to get back up after they've shimmied down. They certainly shouldn't do it if there is any chance they might instead fall over backwards and then be unable to get back up without assistance from one's friend!

That's the last time I try to pretend to be Christina Aguilera in the "Dirrty" video. Especially when that wasn't even the song that was playing!

Oh, I think I managed to sort out the guy matter for now. But we'll have to wait and see for the moment. Thanks for all the advice you have given me on that anyway, I'm very grateful!

Friday, 22 May 2009


Um, bollocks to that! We all know I can't do that, haha! And let's face it, it's been a while since I had a gem to share - with the exception of the date-related ones . . . which seem a long time ago now (despite only being two months ago!)

So today's little faux-pas? Thankfully not as bad as my previous few. But not a great one either . . .

I was at a workshop thing at a hotel in the city centre for work, one of those things where they try to get our input into how to make the organisation better for us, you know the type of thing I mean, I'm sure. And the first thing they asked us what type of thing would make us want to jump out of bed and come into work happy in the morning . . .

The obvious answer, as we were informed, were that most people didn't WANT to get out of bed in the morning full stop! I suppose this pre-empted us somewhat as this seemed to be OUR general response too. (Can you BLAME us?) So the facilitator in our group tried to break it down as this - if there were two different jobs with the same pay, what would be our deciding factors in which one was better.

At this point I turned to one of my colleagues and muttered: "I just want a job where I can lie in bed all day long, how hard is that???"

From the look on his face, I could tell he had taken that one ENTIRELY the wrong way . . .

"Not as a PROSTITUTE!" I hastened to add. But I think the damage had been done.

I suppose this wasn't really what I SAID in this case. It was either the WAY I said it, or perhaps the way he took it. Still gave us a laugh though!


In other news . . .

I'm going here in two months time. Very excited. It'll be good to have something to look forward to. (I know I have a cheek, I'm just back. But you have to agree it's not been my best of weeks emotionally!)

And what else? Oh, these are the tracks on repeat in my world right now. Tried to post them before I went on holiday but the bloody thing wouldn't work. Let's try again . . .

What are your favourite songs around at the moment???

Monday, 18 May 2009


So he says he's stressed and has way too much to do right now.

Not as an excuse for not seeing me. Not as a reason why he hasn't text. Just if I ask him how he is, or what he's up to, that's the reply I get.

I'm torn.

Half of me hears the alarm bells. These sort of excuses have been used on me before, by others.

The other part of me? Doesn't believe that is what this guy is like.

I told him today if he needed a rant about anything, he knew where I was. That I was a good listener, and I would hopefully talk to him soon. He replied to that saying "Thanks for that ;-) just got so much on and stressed out to the max".

So I guess I've kinda left the ball in his court for now. I'll see what happens. To be honest, I hadn't even expected a response to the previous text, so I did appreciate that he replied. But who knows what is going to happen now. Let's face it - based on past experience, I'm not going to get my hopes up. But I'm going to try not to think too negatively. I do believe that he's very busy and has a lot on. I would like to think that even if he doesn't have time for me, we could still try and be friends in the meantime. I do still think very highly of him and he is essentially the only person I'm now still really in touch with from high school (if you don't count other facebook friends who I barely am in contact with).

Of course, if he is just going to use this whole busy-ness thing as an excuse to just lose contact with me, then I probably won't think highly of him for much longer . . .

I'm trying to not let it get to me too much for the moment. Let's see how long that lasts!

Sunday, 17 May 2009



I'm exhausted from the flight home (got in at three am this morning but with the two hour time difference it was five am in my head) because I've not been able to sleep very well, I've managed to somehow hurt my leg in the middle of the night so I am limping, my scalp must have got burnt because its peeling (isn't it lovely to have all these dead skin cells flaking off in your hair???) and I'm glad to be home.

Not cos I didn't have fun. I had an awesome time, don't get me wrong. But you know how there's just this point when you're all packed up and waiting about (in our case for AGES for the transfer coach to the airport) and you just think "man, i want my own bed right this minute." The flight home seemed to drag despite the fact it was only four and a half hours long. On the way back you don't have the excitement you had on the journey out to keep you going. You just feel exhausted and cramped up and impatient. I was so relieved when I reached my own bed I could have cried. I may have done so. But that's another story.

Rhodes is beautiful. The weather was lovely, the Greeks are so friendly. And everything seemed so inexpensive compared to holidaying in, say, Spain or the Canaries. Not that the latter are hugely expensive either, but the price difference was fairly significant.

We stayed at a great place called the Finas Aparthotel, which has to have been one of the friendliest places I have ever stayed. The guests all interacted with each other, the staff were really friendly, and the nights at the hotel bar were generally so much fun that we tended to go out for dinner and then come straight back to continue drinking there. We even won that week's pub quiz! Although we didn't sing any karaoke or take part in the hypnotist show. Mind you, the hypnotist show was so set up anyway that they must have thought we were utterly stupid that we would actually believe it!

I will try and post some pictures at some point but the good pictures are on my friend's camera so rather than subject you to the blurry ones on my phone (which you may have already seen if you're my friend on facebook) I'll maybe wait for those. The ones of me trying to dance on top of the hotel bar after doing tequila shots (I've neither danced on a bar OR drank tequila before so that's two firsts there for me!) caused me particular amusement.

Oh, and I feel I must share the stupidity of a fellow Scot who was travelling in our transfer bus down to the resort we were staying at in Rhodes. Me and my friend couldn't decide whether we were annoyed that she felt the need to talk so loudly for the hour the journey took, or whether we were amused that she was saying such stupid things for everyone to hear. Examples?

*** "Is Greece very big? It doesn't look very big." (Bearing in mind that we were not on the Greek Mainland . . . )

*** "I thought we flew over Turkey" (er - no.)

*** "Isn't Belgium in Ireland? Where is it then? So where am I thinking of that's in Ireland? Oh - Belfast!"

*** "There are no houses. Where do all the people live?" (It was dark)

*** "Is that a school?" (The people she was with replied that the building she was referring to was in fact a supermarket.) "Oh right. I thought it must be a school cos it has windows."

The education system in Scotland has clearly gone downhill in the past few years. We were very glad she wasn't staying at the same place as us anyway!

So it's back to normality now I guess. Back to work on Tuesday. Time also to find out what is happening with this guy. Like I said before I left, not sure what is going on. Not long after I made that particular post, I heard from him that night, and he seemed fine. Similarly on Saturday morning. I barely heard from him when I was away and only when I initiated contact, but I didn't want to get too paranoid about that as he could have been thinking "okay, she's on holiday, maybe I shouldn't be disturbing her." So I basically said last time I text him on Thursday that I would text him when I was back in the country. I'm going to do that later. I guess how I proceed after that depends on how he responds. In my head, it's probably already over and he just doesn't want to say. That being said, I will be gutted if that is the case. And it still won't make sense to me at all. But oh well. It's just typical of my life anyway - I don't know why this crap continues to surprise me but somehow it always waits until the moment I've put aside my doubts and tried to relax and then . . . it strikes.

Once again, it's a waiting game . . . Please keep your fingers crossed for me though. I don't want this one to be messed up too.

Saturday, 9 May 2009

Thursday, 7 May 2009


The level of insanity I display to a person depends on how well they know me.

People who don't know me from Adam (isn't that a stupid expression? I really shouldn't encourage people by using it myself, but hey-ho . . . ) probably think I'm pretty quiet. I can APPEAR to be quiet to them. Unless I'm drunk. In which case they may be accused of necrophilia or, in the case of last weekend, asked if they're an escort. (Jesus, I need an off switch sometimes. Or at least something that stops me from just blurting out whatever the fuck comes into my head.)

If they know me slightly better they may be subjected to my occasional random bursts of loud singing (if I know it annoys people, I'll do it more!), my backseat-driver-road-rage, or my insanely worded text messages, emails and random post-its.

But only my true friends get the real me. The paranoia, the tears, the constant over-analysis of every little thing. Particularly when it comes to guys I like.

My poor friends.

The guy, on the other hand, doesn't have a clue. He sees the crazy side of me, sure. He knows about the silly things I've said when drunk. And hell, I've said enough silly things to HIM (although a lot of them were during that first crazy facebook chat we had when he was just a guy from the past that I used to fancy - how was I to know we'd meet up again and he'd remember them.) I told him about how I had recently had an inadvertent target of snogging one guy a month, and about the possibly underage guy I had snogged one guy before him. I told him about getting caught at a party with a guy's hands down my pants. I asked him if he enjoyed his pee on our first date. If guys had been looking at his penis in the toilets on our second. He says he never knows what's going to come out of my mouth next. (No dirty comments on that one, okay???)

But I guess in a lot of ways I DO censor myself around him. I don't tell him that I'm worried about not knowing where I stand with him. That, while I don't really mind taking it as it comes, I do have a bit of paranoia that I'm just a stop-gap. I don't tell him how much the way my previous relationships ended has scarred me. I CERTAINLY don't tell him that the fact I didn't hear from him for nearly two days had me a nervous wreck. And that even now I received a text message from him, I am STILL feeling more than a little wary that he's had a change of heart.

I think sometimes there's only so much crazy a girl can show to a guy she kinda likes. Especially this early on . . .

Am I right here???

Tuesday, 5 May 2009


Yesterday I had the day off due to the May Day public holiday.

About four pm my flatmate knocked on my bedroom door and came in. She gasped. "Your room!"

Then she laughed. "Is THIS what it takes to get you to tidy your room properly?"

Apparently so.

It takes a guy I like coming to see my room for the first time for me to do a full scale tidy.

So there you go.

Everyday's a schoolday . . .

Sunday, 3 May 2009


Firstly, how fucking funny is this??? Not that swine flu is funny, but you know what I mean . . .
You know, I'm sure I had something I wanted to post about today but now? I can't bloody remember what it was. Or if I really DID have something worthwhile I wanted to post and now I just can't remember. Hmmm. Bit annoying really.

It seems that there's a lot of people in the blogosphere recently feeling distinctly uninspired. I'm not sure what it is. Is it that the weather is brightening up and we don't feel the need to be in front of our computers quite so much? Is it just real life getting in the way again? In my case, it's probably a bit of both. Between Thursday night and the early hours of this morning, I hadn't even switched my laptop on. Which is really unlike me. I was out on Friday night, fair enough, but usually I tend to get home and drunkenly at least TRY to get online for a bit - usually I pass out with the laptop on top of me but at least I've TRIED. I was in all day yesterday but what with lying around nursing my hangover and then having a dvd marathon (I managed five dvds uninterrupted which is quite unlike me - my attention tends to wander after one or two films maximum), I never managed to open my laptop until the last film was almost at an end and I suddenly thought "Oh my god, I'm suddenly missing my internet fix."

It's weird though. Cos the thing is, there's so much I want to talk about, rant about, sing to the rooftops about . . . but strangely I feel like I can't. There's certain things I feel I have to censor myself about, because I don't know who exactly is reading. And there are certain people who I want to keep out of this to a certain extent. I think you can guess who I mean. (So far, he still appears to like me. I don't know what I'm doing right, but it must be something!)

Hmmm. In other news . . . Rhodes is now less than a week away. I'm pretty excited despite the fact that my plans to lose tons of weight for a brilliant bikini body just didn't happen. Just as with blogging, real life always seems to get in the way of dieting. But I am looking forward to it so much all the same. I'm stockpiling books to take away with me and trying to think of what clothes I'm wanting to take. It's pretty time-consuming.

It's a public holiday tomorrow so I'm off work. That means there's only four days of work left until the holiday. I'm also meant to be seeing a certain someone tomorrow night. :) Which I have mixed feelings about because it will be really good to see him (obviously!) but it will also be the last time I see him before Rhodes due to our busy schedules, which means this will be the last time I see him for at least two weeks. :(

It looks like I'm also going to be going to London next month with work. Only for three days, and I'm not sure where I'm going to be based yet, but I'm looking forward to that too. Yay! If the weather is anything like it was the previous two Junes I've been down, I will be happy . . .

Finally, I think this is my new favourite song. Love the video too. Really need to remember and download the track before my holiday!