My first kiss happened at a party a guy at school had while his parents were away on holiday (I was very jealous as my parents would NEVER have left me in the house myself at that age.) I was 16 at the time (VERY late starter, right?) and this was also the first night I got drunk. I'd had a couple of drinks when a guy from my class came up to me and asked me if I wanted to "get off" (Scot-talk for snogging - I don't know what the kids are calling it these days!) with a guy I knew vaguely. I wasn't sure, didn't really fancy him or anything, but I figured "fuck it, I may as well get it over with, see what all the fuss is about." So I went into the darkened "kissing" room and started snogging him. Fair enough. I wasn't particularly excited by the whole thing (in ANY way) but I thought "well I've started now, may as well keep doing it for a while."
That was the Friday night. On the Monday morning, on my walk into school, I remembered something . . .
The dude I'd kissed was in my registration class.
Suddenly mortification hit. How was I EVER going to face him again??? I didn't fancy him. I didn't want HIM to fancy ME. I also didn't want HIM to think that I fancied HIM. This was a DISASTER (Yes, I DO have a tendency to make a mountain out of a molehill . . .). So sure enough I went into class, tried to avoid him and not make eye contact. And within a couple of hours, one of his friends had asked me out on his behalf. Apparently he thought I looked like Shannon from Home & Away aka Isla Fisher (at the time my hair was kind of reddish as I'd not long started bleaching it but that was the only similarity). Apparently he'd really liked me for ages. I felt really bad that I didn't like him, really embarrassed I'd possibly lead him on by actually snogging him, and just altogether awkward. This feeling went on for the rest of high school (even after he snogged half my friends afterwards) and even in fourth year of uni I saw him in the library one day and had to hide from him!
This has happened to me a few times. It happened at uni when I snogged a guy at the Christmas night out and then had to sit right in front of him in a lecture for the entirety of the next semester while his friends sniggered. It's happened with people I've worked with. It's happened with guys I've known from childhood who were five years younger than me and really I should have known better . . .
The thing is, the only reason I get embarrassed is if I don't really feel like I have any romantic interest in them. Like I've snogged them just for the hell of it, or because I was really pissed, or because I really don't KNOW why, or . . . for all of the above. I feel like I've given them the wrong idea. And it all seems to relate back to that first snog I ever had.
But anyway, there seems to be this "snogging zone" with me (hence the post title - you may have worked that one out). This isn't a physical space, it's a state of mind. Say I've snogged someone wildly inappropriate, or whatever. And I KNOW I probably shouldn't have done it. BUT I've already entered the zone. So I kinda figure "I'll just go with it" and continue to stick my tongue down the guy's throat. While I'm still in the zone, it's fine. It's a whole "I've started so I'll finish" mentality.
It's only later, when I'm alone (ie. "left the zone") that I start to think "shit, what did I just do?" I overthink things, dread the next time I might potentially have to see them, and wonder just how embarrassing it might be.
Now I know this isn't a big deal for most people, I DO realise that. I don't actually think every guy is looking for an opportunity to get with me, I don't believe people read that much into snogging either. But my brain seems to have too much time to stress out over this stuff. I don't know why. If I SLEPT with all of them rather than just snogging, my brain would probably have spontaneously combusted by now.
But basically the rules of the "snogging zone" appear to be while you're in the zone, you can snog as much as you want, regardless of any possible consequences. After you leave the zone, the incident is never mentioned again. You can no longer look at the person. You can no longer have a conversation with them OR if you can talk to them it's without being able to look them in the eye. If you ever run into them again, then it's going to be a tad awkward.
It's been a while since I've been in close proximity to the zone at all.
Until last weekend, that is . . .