Flatmate: Do you like salt and vinegar flavoured kettle crisps?
Me: Yeah, I guess so, why?
Flatmate: I bought some last night but I didn't end up eating them. I don't want them sitting there tempting me now, so I'm trying to get them out of my room. You want them?
Me: (eagerly) Okay.
Me: Only because it will help you, of course.
Flatmate: Yes, of course that's what it is.
Yes, if anyone ever needs me to eat food on their behalf . . . I am 100 % there for you, okay??? Never forget that.
Unless it's bananas. I hate bananas.