Wednesday, 29 October 2008

SO I'M DRUNK . . .

I know I seemed all healthy yesterday and shit but I did say I was all socially booked up for the next few days, so you KNOW I was out getting fucked really.

Actually, I'm not REALLY as drunk as I thought I would be. But anyway . . . I feel a TINY bit pissed . . . and feeling generally just a little bit depressed and sad. I don't really know why, but I DO know it's guy-related. I guess the fact they have no realisation of when to stop. How am I meant to react??? Only way I can seem to handle it at all is to just block them out mentally.

Is that immature?

Possibly.

But HOW THE HELL ELSE AM I MEANT TO REACT???

I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt, I tried to help out . . . I MISSED being friends with them and they're not a bad person so I wanted to try and make an effort and see if we could actually BE friends again. I thought it was actually working. So why is it that suddenly the newly rediscovered friendship seems to be a one way street on my part???

Seriously, how else??? I am there for them when they need me, try to cheer them up, whatever . . . and the second they are "okay" again, they just drop me??? Suddenly I'm no good for an email unless they're bored, a text unless they're needy. . . I know I've touched on this before but in the time since I came back from Fuerte it's become all the more obvious. Clearly I thought someone was trying to be my friend but now I just suspect that all along they were just using me until someone better came along. And that makes me feel like utter crap.

Really it's the story of my life. So why do people continue to surprise me???

Just wondering . . .

5 comments:

  1. Because you give them the benefit of the doubt, which quite frankly is a lot harder and more brave to do than to just judge people and write them off.

    Don't give up. Give people chances. But learn to recognize the tarantulas - i.e. the people that suck all the life out of you.

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  2. hahah so much for health spree

    ok you gotta email me more details on this.

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  3. What Stilettos said- really, it's an amazing thing to trust people- it doesn't always pay off, but it's the only way to live. Hope you feel better today.

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  4. Can you drink and write more often? Thanks.-- Wild ARS

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  5. I'm with Stiletto on this...it's the learning to recognise the leeches that's the tough bit... hang in there.

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