This is a question that has been bugging me since the appearance of Hurricane Gustav on our radar.
Do you, like, have to be the person who discovered its existence in order to name it (that's what happens with comets and stuff, right?) or is there someone out there who has the specific job of naming them?
If so, can I apply? It's right up there in my opinion with being the person who makes up the list shows on the music channels - you know, the ones like "The 20 Best Boyband Tracks" or "Top Ten Sexiest Females". I would rock at that kind of job, honestly . . . and I'm convinced that it's the sixteen year old there on work experience for a week who got given that as something to do to keep her busy. So unfair.
Anyway, back to the hurricane naming. Seriously, can I? Please??? Because whoever is doing it right now . . . it just isn't cutting the mustard really.
I mean, Gustav? Come on, it sounds like a German porn star name. Gustav wouldn't so much knock your house down as turn up to fix your plumbing with a rather large . . . ahem . . . hammer in his pocket. (Or maybe he's just pleased to see you?)
Hanna, on the other hand, well she's more likely to be waiting for you to sneak up on her rather than the other way around. Perhaps crocheting a scarf while waiting, a pot of tea brewing and with the delicious smell of freshly baked cakes wafting around the house. (Sorry, I've known quite a few grandmothers with that name, I'm blatantly stereotyping, I realise). A Hanna wouldn't be capable of mass destruction surely? (Likewise Florence and Beryl!)
How about Hurricane Debby??? It's more of a cheerleader name than a hurricane name.
Hurricane Issac? It will entertain you with songs while it tries to blow you over. How entertaining.
Earnesto? This is the type of hurricane you may meet while on holiday, one which sweeps you off your feet (literally) even though he has a wife waiting for him at home. Arsehole.
Or how about Eugene? You'd knock that wimp over before he'd had a chance to knock you!
Does the person who gets to name the hurricanes sit there with a baby book trying to work out whether the meaning or origin of a particular name suits the hurricane in person. "Well this hurricane has the potential to be a bit of a wild one, so let's find a name which personifies this. How about . . . Lindsay Lohan? No? You sure? Okay, back to the drawing board then . . ."
We definitely need better names for these hurricanes. Scarier names. After all, hurricanes are, ultimately, evil killing machines. They cause devastation, chaos, death, destruction - they leave cities quaking in their wake. To be honest, now that I think about it, I'm not entirely sure I myself could actually come up with names that would do them justice, that would properly personify them. How about we name them after serial killers? Hurricane Charles Manson? Hurricane Jack the Ripper? Hurricane Harold Shipman? Surely these are slightly more apt - they convey more of a sense of what a hurricane is all about.
That being said, why give these criminals further publicity?
Actually now I have sympathy with whoever names the hurricanes. It can't be all that easy. Maybe I shouldn't apply for the job after all. I'd probably end up quitting with the pressure since I clearly overthink things far too much . . .
And to anyone out there who has been affected recently by Gustav and Hanna, hope you have come out of it okay. Weather is a bitch, that's for sure.