I bought a LOOK magazine yesterday and couldn't resist looking at the horrorscopes - sorry, horoscopes, freudian slip I guess! Anyway, I always have to read my horoscope - not because I believe in astrology, but because I find the whole thing hilarious generally. The beauty of horoscopes is that they are all so vague that you can pretty much apply them to almost anything going on in one's life at that moment in time.* And you can also guarantee that, given the amount of people in the world, at least one of each sign will have found a fairly accurate prediction at least one time in their lives - its like the laws of fate and stuff, right? (Okay, I don't know exactly what I'm talking about - RUMBLED! Anyway, you know what I mean!)
So I reached Libra and started reading it out as I'm a Libra (less than two weeks to go to the big 2-9, y'all - argh!) and so were two of the guys sitting with me.
"Single or attached, this is a brilliant time for your love life. You're feeling excited about the future and people are drawn to your positive outlook. Talk about your plans with someone close - you may find they feel the same way. An unusual event is too good to miss. LOOKout: A Gemini from your past gets back in touch this week."
I read this with more than a dose of skepticism, as usual. The guys were laughing as I explained I didn't actually believe in this crap, but all the same, we began to theorise about what events in our life this could relate to.
After discussing this, we came to the logical conclusion - that OBVIOUSLY the three of us were going to have a threesome and a Gemini was going to join us. But surely this was far-fetched???
"What does Gemini's horoscope say?" one of the guys asked, figuring we could see if it matched up to our theory.
"Let's see," I scanned the page.
"Social life looks brilliant . . . say yes to all invites . . . someone sexy wants to flirt with you . . . HERE!!! someone has a tempting offer for you. It's too good to turn down."
Okay, we concluded. Looked like it was orgy time!
Doesn't this prove JUST how vague a star sign is, that we managed to turn it into that??? I have to say I was fairly impressed with our deduction skills on this. (Not to mention our filthy minds, I might add!)
That over with, I turned to one of the other non-Libran guys at the table. "So what's your star sign," I asked him, my finger poised over the page to find the relevant one.
And Cheer-Me-Up Tuesday comes today courtesy of two things. Firstly a text** I just received from my friend:
Married couple in their sixties are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish. "I want to travel around the world with my darling husband" said the wife. Two tickets for a luxury cruise magically appear in her hands. The husband says "Sorry love but my wish is to have a wife thirty years younger than me." So the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92.
MORAL OF THE STORY: MEN WHO ARE UNGRATEFUL BASTARDS SHOULD REMEMBER - FAIRIES ARE FUCKING FEMALE.
And a classic clip from one of my favourite shows . . .
*If anyone wants to share the best horoscope they've seen of their own starsign, please feel free!!!
**Which I have kindly translated from txt spk to ENGLISH! (You're welcome!)