Thursday, 25 September 2008

AN AUDIENCE WITH INCY-WINCY . . .

Frozen in terror, I stared over at my bed in horrified silence. "Go away, please go away" I beamed my thoughts telepathically over to the massive spider which had just appeared and ran up onto my covers.

"Grrr," he said back. *

"Please - just leave me alone" I begged.

"Nope."

I hate spiders. I don't think i have a phobia but I am pretty terrified of them. Which always seems a bit odd given they're like a fraction of my size. But there you go. To me, they're less friendly innocent "Charlottes" and more the giant furry terrors in "Eight Legged Freaks." Something about the way they scutter across the ground, invade their way into our private space . . . it offends me more than it does with moths or slaters or bees. They're just creepy.

In fact, I think, sometimes, that they may be the devil's minions, sent to cause the end of the world. At the moment, they're just scoping the place out, reporting back to their leader. One day, havoc will ensue.

I'm telling you.

Anyway, so last night I had my first encounter with a spider for a good few years. I had just got home from a nice night out, slightly tipsy, curled up on my sofa with my laptop for a leisurely hour of internet browsing before bedtime . . . and then Incy Wincy himself arrived. And proceeded to stare me out for the next five minutes as I curled myself into a protective ball and tried not to look.

That little bugger was just not for moving though. He KNEW I was scared and was determined to sit it out. I contemplated all the things I could do. Smother him with a tissue? No, I might feel his body through the tissue and that would freak me out and I'd probably end up dropping him. Plus I might end up with bits of dead spider on my bed. Kick the bed so he ran away? Try hitting him with something?

Finally he scuttled off the bed. And then I realised this was possibly worse. Why?

I DIDN'T HAVE A CLUE WHERE HE WAS!!!

I ended up sleeping fully dressed (with my shoes still on!) with my head under the covers, the door to my bedroom wedged open in the hope that Incy Wincy would head for a different room. Whether he did or not, I have no idea.

He may still be in here right now . . . **

*Yes, spiders DO go "grrrr"!

**"Right now" is 6pm. Which won't be when this is published. At time of publishing I'll be somewhere random. You may hear more about that tomorrow . . .

12 comments:

  1. lmao. omg this makes me feel soooo much better about my recent cockroach invasion & reaction.

    I hate spiders too (it really is the way they move *shudder*). Hope you find & kill yours!

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  2. I am such a spider sissy. Seriously. I scream and then somehow muster up the courage to kill them with a shoe. It's seriously tramautic.

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  3. I saw a bug crawling on the couch where I was sitting this morning! After watching it in fear for a second, I realized I needed to kill it, so I jumped to grab a shoe. Turned back around and couldn't find it!! Now I'm living in fear here. So tragic.

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  4. Dude, I can't handle bugs of any kind. Living in New York where it is apparently acceptable to have rodents is slowly driving me over the edge!

    P.S. Love the old school Janet.

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  5. I'm so with you on the fear of spiders thing, or any bug for that matter, but the spider said "grrrrrrr?" Really?

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  6. Yikes! My brother has a thing against spiders, but for me it is bees, wasps and flying, biting ants. I am cool with a spider chilling in the corder on the wall because I figure they are engaged in an ancient, terrible battle against the bee kingdom and thus will destroy any that mistakenly find their way into my bedroom.

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  7. My mom taught me some Asian superstition that spiders were some sort fo lucky charms and you should never kill em coz it rings bad luck....i dunno. Might been one of those good tricks she did to me as a little girl not to fear spiders and it worked.

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  8. I would totally do the same thing
    ! I hate spiderssssssssssssssssss!

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  9. I totally concur with you on this one. I am a total arachniphobe... which is weird because I'm generally okay with bugs! It's that extra pair of legs that contains the evil!

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  10. You would die if you saw the spiders at my rents' house - we're talking the size of my palm. They are these mutuant countryside spiders. I can cope with them, but if I see one, I will not go to bed until I've trapped it and put it back outside (moving all the furniture until I find it).

    I feel so guilty killing them when they're sooooooo big, so I have to release them back into the wild. They are yucky though.

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  11. Hey, why does everyone hate spiders? I find them rather nice...although I wouldn't like to wake up with a tarantual crawling up my leg, simply for the shock factor.

    Due to me being unafraid, I'm now assigned to 'spider duty' (Ie when a sister is jumping on the bed going, 'EEEEEE! OMG SPIDER! GET IT OUT GETITOUUUUT!' I have to run around trying to scoop the damn thing up.)

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  12. *tarantula.

    Damn spelling today...

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