Frozen in terror, I stared over at my bed in horrified silence. "Go away, please go away" I beamed my thoughts telepathically over to the massive spider which had just appeared and ran up onto my covers.
"Grrr," he said back. *
"Please - just leave me alone" I begged.
I hate spiders. I don't think i have a phobia but I am pretty terrified of them. Which always seems a bit odd given they're like a fraction of my size. But there you go. To me, they're less friendly innocent "Charlottes" and more the giant furry terrors in "Eight Legged Freaks." Something about the way they scutter across the ground, invade their way into our private space . . . it offends me more than it does with moths or slaters or bees. They're just creepy.
In fact, I think, sometimes, that they may be the devil's minions, sent to cause the end of the world. At the moment, they're just scoping the place out, reporting back to their leader. One day, havoc will ensue.
I'm telling you.
Anyway, so last night I had my first encounter with a spider for a good few years. I had just got home from a nice night out, slightly tipsy, curled up on my sofa with my laptop for a leisurely hour of internet browsing before bedtime . . . and then Incy Wincy himself arrived. And proceeded to stare me out for the next five minutes as I curled myself into a protective ball and tried not to look.
That little bugger was just not for moving though. He KNEW I was scared and was determined to sit it out. I contemplated all the things I could do. Smother him with a tissue? No, I might feel his body through the tissue and that would freak me out and I'd probably end up dropping him. Plus I might end up with bits of dead spider on my bed. Kick the bed so he ran away? Try hitting him with something?
Finally he scuttled off the bed. And then I realised this was possibly worse. Why?
I DIDN'T HAVE A CLUE WHERE HE WAS!!!
I ended up sleeping fully dressed (with my shoes still on!) with my head under the covers, the door to my bedroom wedged open in the hope that Incy Wincy would head for a different room. Whether he did or not, I have no idea.
He may still be in here right now . . . **
*Yes, spiders DO go "grrrr"!
**"Right now" is 6pm. Which won't be when this is published. At time of publishing I'll be somewhere random. You may hear more about that tomorrow . . .