Hey yall this is Diana. I was supposed to blog here on Saturday, but i ended up going to my college roommates wedding 4 hours away for the weekend. A lot of stuff happened that weekend, and i know i'll be sharing on my blog at some point, but something else happened last night that i really need to rant about. I am not sure if this person even reads my blog, but if he does, it will be good that i'm about to write all this stuff on Polly's blog instead of my own!
before i start, just know that i am very pissy about this, and i probably will be cussing and emotional, and ranting. This all happened around 1 last night and i still haven't had a chance to digest it all. so i'm still at an emotional state of mind.
If you've read my blog then you know that i have recently gained a lot of weight. I am practically 6 ft so i don't look fat by any means. But i obviously don't look the same way i used to when i modeled.
i AM losing all the weight i've gained. I've lost 20 lbs of it so far. I know i have a lot more to go, but it's GOING to happen sometime in the very near future. And you know as well as i that when i am at my old weight, i am very skinny and dainty for a 6 ft tall person. At that point there wouldn't be a big build.
I listened to everything you said last night. I commend you for your honesty. I'm glad you kept talking about your ex because A) it gave me further insight into your brain, B) you were opening up to me and trust me with those thoughts, C) i got to realize that you probably aren't ready to open your heart in a fair way to another girl yet, D) it will give me a chance to re-evaluate my feelings.
When you got to the part about me not being your typical build, i have to say, in the immediate seconds after, i felt like you just took your hand and slapped my face as hard as you possibly could and then you took out your d*ck (can we type that on blogspot? not sure) and pissed all over me. After a couple minutes, i was praising you in my head for your honesty. I will not judge you for being honest with me, and i certainly won't act any different toward you b/c of it. I could have completely missed your point altogether. So until i get a chance to ask you about it, i have to assume that i very well could be assuming the wrong thing.
If your thinking that i left so soon after you said the 'build' comment..you are absolutely right. It was a shocker to me and i had to get out of there as soon as possible so i wouldn't say or do anything embarrassing. I was not upset by any means, and you didn't do anything wrong. I just didn't think you were like that.
If you look at all my past boyfriends you will find that there is no 'theme' to them. They are all very different looking. One was way shorter than me, one was really fat, one was a different race, one had a few missing teeth, one was extremely skinny..etc.. you get the point right? i've never had a look that i usually go for. I've been around vanity all my life b/c of all the modeling. I guess all that expossure made me realize it's not really all about the outside. Who gives a flying fuck if i'm not your typical build? Is that what is going to stop you from letting your thoughts and feelings take you to a place you might not expect? Let me tell you something W, you are not my usual look, b/c i don't fucking have a 'usual look'..i could honestly give two shits about it. There are things about your apperence that i don't like, or that turn me off..but those things are not going to act as a block in my brain. I will still be able to look past it. This is what i mean when i say i didn't think you were like that.
Anyway, thats enough of this topic! i do hope i have misunderstood you and you will eventually explain to me what you actually meant to say
PS. thank you for making me listen to all those Tool songs. The words are fantastic!
Hey Polly, thanks again for asking me to guest blog here. You know it's funny, i was actually nervous about it and didn't know what to write about, but i just said fuck it...and now there was soo much i could have written about! lol
alrghty, well goodbye everyone! take care