Thursday, 3 July 2008

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BREATHE WITH NO AIR"

It's nearly two in the morning yet I can't sleep.

I can't pinpoint the exact reason, not to the exact degree. But I think when it gets to this time and it's the middle of the night and I'm still awake . . . that I realise just how alone I am.

A couple of nights ago, for example, I was only asleep (finally) for about twenty minutes when I was forced awake by a horrible nightmare where I was basically killed. You know, one of those ones where you even know WITHIN the dream you should wake yourself up cos otherwise, according to urban legend, you WILL die unless you stop it.

And as I lay here, panicking, feeling like I wanted to cry, and wondering if the dream was a sign that my death was imminent, I realised just how much I wished there was someone there next to me, ready to hand out comfort and hugs.

But there wasn't. I was all alone. To the extent that I had to actually switch my bedside lamp on to ensure the spooky shadows I could see were just my crappy vision's shitty improvisations of future murder, rather than simply shadows caused by the mess of my room.

It took me a long time to get back to sleep afterwards.

And I guess it'll probably take me a while to sleep tonight too . . .

8 comments:

  1. Not being able to sleep is the worst feeling... Along with loneliness.
    Have you tried tea/hot milk?

    I'm feeling pretty sorry for myself at the mo. Sniffling on the couch, home sick and exhausted.

    Good luck with getting to sleep. I know you'll feel better once you do :)

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  2. its been a while since i've had a dream like that, but i know where you are coming from.

    After a nasty dream its natrual for us to reach out for comfort and i know all too well what its like realising no one is there.

    i hope its just a phase you are going through and sooner rather then later you can have a good nights sleep

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  3. Aww! Try counting sheep. Try counting them as they jump over a gate. But be careful, some can be really sneaky and try to creep around the gate without jumping so that they don't get counted! Bloomin cheeky sheep.

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  4. Hey Princess Polly. I haven't talked to you in a while and I thought I would drop by and see how you were doing. Interesting post.

    I'd say that all this loneliness is more of a passing phase than anything else. Everytime I've felt lonely, it goes away with time. Not the person you're with. Because you can feel lonely with or without someone next to you.

    It's hard. I know.

    Hope to talk to you soon.

    <3 Knikki

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  5. I've been having trouble falling asleep lately too. I think it's because i start to think about everything that worries me and then i get too worked up though.

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  6. I'm a terrible sleeper. I get sleep paralysis and it's horrible and I also am a mesosomniac so I hear ya. I turn on my bedroom light frequently.

    The worst/lonely time is when you are sick or when you have a bad sleep or dream. That's when you need someone to just be there for you.

    Good luck with the sleep :)

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  7. That song is really growing on me.

    I've been having a difficult time staying asleep. I fall asleep pretty easily but I wake up hour after hour. Not cool.

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  8. I can also say I've fought the can't sleep battle. It always seems I can fall right asleep, until I get in my bed. I nod off at my desk at work, sometimes find it hard to keep my eyes open while driving....but as soon as my head hits the pillow I'm in such a delirious state I panic.

    I've found tylenol PM and a bottle of wine helps.

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