No, no, scratch that. I'm furious.
I'm the kind of livid where I would love to take a swing for someone with my fist and send them flying through the air. Or bang someone's head repeatedly off a wall (not least my own). Or jump up and down so violently on a piece of furniture that it ends up lying in pieces on the floor.
If I had anything I could use as a weapon, I would be dangerous. In fact, I probably could have improvised pretty well had I not been so angry that I virtually couldn't THINK. I'm so angry that if you heard about someone being violently beaten up in Glasgow's west end tonight, there is a chance I could have been the prime suspect . . . had I not stormed home the second the clock struck four to stew in my own emotion.
If the annoying workman whistling at me and shouting what I'm assuming he thought were flattering comments at me had been on my side of the road, he probably would have regretted it bigtime. And, if I'd quite had my wits about me when he did it, the guy who walked past me and made an offensive (yet also somewhat flattering) comment about my tits would probably have been pushed onto the road in front of a speeding car.
I'm that kind of angry where I've felt myself physically trembling at points in an effort to hold the fury inside. The type where I'm trying so hard to hold it in that it comes out through my tear ducts instead. Therefore making me look like typical over-emotional girl.
The weirdest thing of all? I don't have a massive reason to be angry. My main anger is based on disappointment - because this started off a pretty okay day considering that it was a Monday and I had to get up at half past six this morning. And it rapidly went downhill from thereonin.
What pisses me off most is the fact I was effectively made a scapegoat for something I may have not done wrongly had someone explained the guidelines to me - and the fact I got the blame when I wasn't the only one who had done something wrong. In the grand scheme of things it was nothing huge - but being made to feel guilty for it does not sit well with me. From that point on, EVERYTHING annoyed me . . .
- people talking to me (unless I wanted to talk to them)
- the fact I constantly needed to go to the loo due to my previously mentioned current goal of drinking as much water and green tea as I can
- the fact that guy never messaged me (although that was only a minor irritation - and thanks for all your nice words on that, by the way!!!)
- being the last name on a team email (and not because it was in alphabetical order)
- feeling like I can do everything right and STILL don't get any recognition - what's the freaking point, eh?
- when someone who has been trying to wind me up for months is seemingly STILL trying to do so. And even though it doesn't bother me anymore, the fact they are still trying to do it then succeeded in winding me up anyway.
This culminated in a point where I got an email asking me something where I felt like yet another go was being had at me. By this point I nearly exploded, this was the point where the shaking and teary eyes really started in earnest as I slammed my fingers down on the keyboard to form my angry reply. Then I felt guilty when it turned out that there had been nothing accusatory about the initial email, I had just read into it wrongly. THEN I felt angry for feeling guilty.
The only conclusion I can come to is that it must be bordering on my time of the month . . .