I'm missing something, something important.
It's been lost for a while, perhaps even my whole life. Can anyone find it for me?
Yup. It's my willpower. And I have no idea where the hell it is.
Oscar Wilde once said "I can resist everything except temptation". I can definitely identify. I struggle to go on diets, health kicks, give up things that are bad for me, stick to exercise, keep things tidy . . . I am an actual nightmare of a person.
Mind that time I gave up wine for Lent and lasted two weeks? That was taunting me just the other week in my Facebook memories.
A couple of times I've actually avoided all booze for close to two weeks . . . and then reward myself with wine. Which is logical.
It's the diet/healthy eating that's the worst for me though. I get all gung-ho about it, meal-plan my arse off, imagining the better, healthier, more well-rounded person I'm going to become . . . It will be a whole new me. I'll probably end up into yoga, drinking home-made smoothies, get up hangover-free on Saturday and go for runs . . . nah, that last one especially was definitely my imagination running away with me, and I think pretty much anyone who knows me will agree. I can't even run for a bus while hangover-free.
But it quickly all falls by the wayside.
So on Monday I started my health kick again - this time I was determined that none of the pitfalls of starting a health kick I blogged about a few weeks ago were going to happen. I had made up soup that was going to last me for lunches for at least two days. Breakfast was to be yogurt and fruit. I was to be having a solo dinner, so I opted for a slimming world recipe which had been doing the rounds . . . creamy Cajun chicken pasta. I was being so good. And I resisted the homemade cookies that one of my teammates had brought into work, despite my colleagues all raving about them. To be fair, I was surprised at that myself but I did it by completely ignoring the cookies - if I couldn't see them, they weren't there.
But nothing lasts forever . . . and although I was still going well on Tuesday, the second the fella suggested we go out for dinner, I was like "Hell yeah!" and proceeded to go out for dinner, have two courses which were definitely not salad (although do beer-battered mushrooms count as salad? Even sort of? No?) and the inevitable wine. (Now, surely wine counts as one of my five a day? Even sort of? No?)
And then I'm sort of like "well, I've fallen off the wagon now so let's just keep on going" - so I ended up going out with my sister tonight for dinner. And even though she's off booze for Lent, I still had a glass of sauv blah. On top of our monster sized shared garlic bread . . . and a burger. Although she did eat most of my fries.
I actually don't know how anyone can stick to a diet when there are so many temptations waving at us and calling "Coo-ee! Over here!" just in case you haven't noticed them waving. I have lost fairly large amounts of weight several times over the course of my adult life . . . and looking back I don't know how the fuck I actually ever managed it. Because these days my willpower is pretty much non-existent - and a couple of days seems to be my limit before the pizza, wine and chocolate makes a successful comeback.
If anyone has any suggestions on how to resist temptation and prove big Oscar wrong . . . then please hit me up.
Until then I'll be sitting here thinking about pizza .
Mmmm. Pizza . . .