I've always kinda loved infomercials . . . they're a guilty pleasure if there is literally nothing else on the tv except for news and sport. But there is a recent breed of shorter infomercial which is ruining my morning tv viewing while I get ready for work, and I want to take this opportunity to have a bit of a rant about it.
I pretty much exclusively watch E4 (or E4 +1 depending how late I'm running) in the morning while I'm getting ready. At the moment this has involved double episodes of "Charmed" which is by the way one of my favourite ever TV shows. As in I owned half the boxsets at one point and have seen every episode numerous times but am still over-the-moon that I can watch it every single weekday morning, providing I'm out of bed in time.
Over the last year or so though, the ad breaks, which used to be short and sweet, have involved the same series of mind-numbing long adverts over and over again.
The Nono pro. Is it all one word? Is it two? Do I care? I just want it off my screen! How many ways can you say "it removes hair without any pain"? I've lost count in this advert. Their tactic seems to be "let's get lots of people to say the same thing over and over again but not tell anyone how the product actually works". I am happy for the dude who feels like he can now go to the beach and is willing to take his shirt off though - he does look like it's quite the weight off his shoulders.
Proactiv Plus - This is the one where Nicole Scherzerthingwibob from the Pussycat Dolls pretends to be just like the rest of us. She knows what it's like to have bad skin, she tells us all, as screen highlights one spot on her otherwise perfect face. Throughout the rest of the advert, she convinces us to buy the product that allegedly helps her, with a completely spot-free and perfect face throughout, telling us how great it is when you don't need to worry about your skin!!! Don't get me wrong, I've had bouts of bad skin throughout my life, and it isn't fucking great, but having better skin wasn't the solution to the rest of my problems. I'm not saying that the company shouldn't advertise the product but WHY DO THEY HAVE TO MAKE IT SO LONG??? And does Nicole really have to be so damn cheesy and so annoyingly perfect throughout it? (Apart from that one spot, obviously!)
Last up, we have the . . . I think it's called the Pure Skin Gold or something ridiculous like that. Now that is basically, from what I can gather, a lot like the Nonopro . . . but its big selling point??? MARTINE MCCUTCHEON is in the advert raving on about how it makes her skin feel amazing. Oh well, if Martine is on board with it, then it's a must-have for me. (Can you imagine how much I'm rolling my eyes as I type that?) She has never felt so beautiful apparently! My favourite part of this advert though is when they bring a group of women together to talk about how great it is - it's deliciously awkward. They start the conversation by one of the girls saying to the others "so . . . have you tried it?" WELL, IF THEY HADN'T, THEN WHY ARE THEY THERE TO DISCUSS IT??? The same girl then goes on to talk about how she doesn't need to "manage" her hair anymore because the product does it for her . . . surely she still has to operate it?
I think the thing that gets to me most about these three product adverts is that they're placed smack bang in the middle of shows featuring beautiful women like Alyssa Milano or Rose McGowan, who you're already probably going to be feeling inferior to. Especially first thing in the morning when you haven't managed to wake up properly, and are trying 1) not to feel like a zombie and 2) make yourself look remotely human. When these products first started appearing on my tv screen it was on morning E4 repeats of "Made in Chelsea" so that was actually even worse than "Charmed" as the girls on MIC are so disgustingly young, whereas you can at least console yourself with the fact that Alyssa and Rose are a wee bit older these days.
So I have to admit that despite my anger with the products, the placement of the adverts, and the contents of the adverts I am also angry because of how they make me feel. And that I am letting them make me feel this way.
And if a Nonopro is not a laser and not a razor.... THEN HOW IS IT THAT YOU CAN RAMBLE ON ABOUT IT FOR FIVE MINUTES WITHOUT TELLING ME WHAT IT ACTUALLY IS???
I'm not sure which one of those adverts I hate more.