Thursday, 13 August 2015

ON WHY I COULDN'T BE ON "I'M A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE" . . .

So it's that time of year again when the internet starts to speculate about which celebrities are going to turn up on the awful reality tv show "I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here". Of course, like most reality tv shows featuring celebrities, the biggest speculation is usually how many of them are actually going to be considered CELEBRITIES. These days they are mainly just soap actors more famous for their off-screen life than their acting, or reality tv stars who just hop from one reality tv show to another and aren't actually famous for anything else - other than possibly falling out of a taxi with a short skirt and no knickers on right in front of a photographer from the Daily Fail. Which is apparently another way you can become a celebrity these days.

Anyway. I digress.

For me "I'm A Celebrity" is horrendous viewing. I like my reality tv unrealistic and glamorous, which is the reason why my favourite Mondays are always the ones where "Made in Chelsea" is on. But I know A LOT of people love "I'm a Celeb". The main reason I know this, or assume so, is 1) because I always hear lots of people in work talking about it and 2) it's on something like its 800th series so it must be pretty popular.

But I couldn't go on it myself. And here's why . . .

1) I'm not a celebrity. I can't even think of a tenuous link to a reason why I could be considered to be a celebrity, which would be close enough probably to get to appear on the show.

2) I hate creepy crawlies. With a passion. I freak out when I see a tiny insect or spider. How would I react to doing tasks which might involve putting my hand into a cage full of them? Or possibly eating them? We actually did an away-day at work last year which was based on "I'm a Celeb". As you can imagine, it was one of my worst nightmares as one of the tasks involved sitting close to snakes, a tarantula and a scorpion... and touching them if you could. I was so terrified I nearly jumped onto the knee of the guy sitting next to me. That tells you all you need to know.

3) I think they make you embrace the natural look. I'm sure one year a woman tried to bring in make-up and had it confiscated. This would not go down well with me . . . or the viewers. There's a reason I don't go outside make-up free, and it's so I don't scare the public.

4) There is a lot of delicious food in the world. As far as I'm concerned there is no room in my stomach for kangaroo bollocks and cockroaches. Although to be fair I doubt it would make it as far as my stomach.

5) It's essentially camping. I don't do camping. I mean, I'm staying in a wigwam one night next week and I'm already dreading the idea of not having my own bathroom.

6) Do you SEE the sort of people who go on it? They usually hate each other and with people like Spencer from "Made in Chelsea", Kourtney Kardashian and Jake Wood - "who"?? Max from "Eastenders" under speculation as potential jungle-dwellers this series, I wouldn't be holding out much hope for some scintillating company. That being said, I don't think I would go on it with some of my closest friends either. I just wouldn't want to do it full stop... and I probably won't be watching this next series again either!

Are you a fan of "I'm a Celebrity"?

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