Tuesday, 28 October 2014

ON FRIENDSHIP . . . OR NOT.

I've always considered myself a good friend. A very good friend in fact. I am always there for the people I care about when they need me. I'm not a "phone person" but if I think they need a call, I'll do so. I'll make time for them. I'll listen to them, support them when they require it, and sometimes when they don't even REALISE they require it.

And it's hard for me to let a friend go. But there has to be a point where you just think "fuck it, there's no point in continuing with this friendship."

Thing is, it wasn't me  who decided so in this most recent case. I had always been there for this friend. But apparently it wasn't good enough anymore. Despite the fact that I had tried to maintain the friendship, tried to meet up with them, tried to engage with them when they popped up on social media more often than they could be bother keeping their real life friendships going . . . somehow I ended up being the one being punished.

Since the only difference between now and a year ago is I'm now in a relationship, I can only assume that she assumed I was no longer interested in a friendship now I had a boyfriend. The thing is . . . that was not and has never been the case. Okay, I have a little less free time than I did previously when I was single . . . but I was always there. And I think the fact that I still have all the other friends before the relationship started and still see them proves that point. All my other friends still wanted to hang out. All my other friends were also interested in my relationship. Not a glimmer of interest was shown in MY life while I tried to still be involved in hers. I think that says a hell of a lot.

Yet, the day I realised she had unfriended me on facebook, on top of already having unfollowed me on twitter with no reason why, on top of seeing what I assume was unnecessary bitching about me to other people on twitter . . . well it had all just piled up on me, especially after that missed call which, when I text asking if everything was okay, I got a standard brief and downright cold response which told me everything I needed to know in that one text.  Perfectly timed too, on the day of me and the boyfriend's one year anniversary. Yep, crying in the pub over this was not my finest hour. But . . . I sent the text I should have done ages ago, acknowledging the end of the friendship. Which she never bothered to do to me.

If anything now, I actually feel a bit free. Feeling like shite for a couple of months and wondering if I was imagining this ill-feeling was getting me down a lot, wondering what I'd done wrong, what I could have done differently... I realise now that I couldn't have. It was obviously just something that had came to an end, albeit naturally or not. Am I sad about it? Yes, of course. I have so many shared memories with her, so many GOOD shared memories... But the fact that she didn't even fight for the friendship says a lot to me.  Or the fact that she couldn't speak to me about why she unfollowed me or unfriended me, or ignored me.

Sometimes a friendship is meant to be finite, I guess. Or maybe it just wasn't ever meant to be in the first place.

Regardless, I know who my real friends are. The ones that stuck around.

Thanks guys. You know who you are. <3 p="">

1 comment:

  1. I have a friend somewhat like this. It's like I can't possibly spend enough time with her. If I tell her I'm busy, she says that if I really cared, I would MAKE the time to still call or stop over at her house. But sometimes I really AM too busy, especially with school, work, and an internship.

    I feel like it's a bit one-sided too. She has never once acknowledged my father's death, even though I know she is certainly aware of it. She says she knows me very well, but she really doesn't! I send her birthday cards, but she doesn't even so much as wish me a happy birthday when mine rolls around.

    She just recently moved away, so I'm curious to see if the friendship will actually last. If not - her loss!

    I'm sorry things didn't work out with you and your friend. It sounds like maybe you're better off without her.

    ReplyDelete

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