Monday, 21 October 2013

"MADE IN CHELSEA MONDAY" . . . HOW TO GET A PART IN "MADE IN CHELSEA"!!!

A tongue-in-cheek guide to getting the starring role of your dreams....

  • You must speak posh. If you don't speak posh, none of the other cast members will understand a word you are saying.

  • Do you have a double barrelled surname? You probably should invent one if you don't.

  • If you can't do the double barrelled surname thing, then how about a ridiculous nickname that bears no resemblance to your ACTUAL name?

  • Do you have a job? You probably won't have time to be on Made in Chelsea if you have a job.  You may want to quit. Hopefully you have an inheritance or something. You need time and money to spend all your time frequenting the wine bars and clubs in and around Chelsea.

  • Alternatively you could have your own business. It means you can PRETEND to work but still have time for all of your leisure activities. Once again, you probably need an inheritance. Suitable business ideas? Swimwear design company. T-shirt design company. Freelance make-up artist.

  • You should probably know how to ski. They go skiing a lot. You wouldn't want to embarrass yourself now, would you? You should also be comfortable with hanging out in hot tubs without many items of clothing on. Which is slightly easier than skiing.

  • Your hair should be perfect at all times. If not you'll probably be fired.

  • You should be okay with sleeping with all of your cast members if necessary. Or pretending you have. And then seeing your friends sleeping with your exes. And pretending they haven't.

  • You're going to probably need to spend a lot of time with people you hate. And be able to deal with confrontational situations.

  • Be prepared for backstabbing too. It happens. A LOT.


Any more???

Wednesday, 16 October 2013

MAD ABOUT . . . "MADE IN CHELSEA"!

I'm not a big reality tv fan. Don't get me wrong, I went through my phases in the past. I used to be a massive "Big Brother" fan for probably the first five or six seasons of it. I never got into "I'm a Celebrity get me Out of a Dead End Job Where No-one Remembers Who I Am Anymore." I gave up on "X-Factor" a few seasons ago too. (I must give you all a how-to guide on that at some point).

I have no desire to watch "Geordie Shore", "The Only Way is Essex" or even "The Apprentice". I like my tv a little less down to earth.

That's why I probably was a TEENSY bit addicted to "The Hills" when it was on. And that is probably also why my one must-watch "reality" show these days is "Made in Chelsea".



If you don't know what "Made in Chelsea" is, then it's a tv show - a "reality tv show" (heavy emphasis on the inverted commas here) set in Chelsea, where the privileged lunch, drink, party and shag around. Do any of them have a job? Do I even care??? I fucking LOVE this show. Every Monday night it has been on I have just felt immensely happy. I sit there watching it, making snarky comments on twitter to other like-minded individuals, and I feel a bit jealous of their lives, and their designer ensembles, and their flicky hair and perfect make-up.... and don't even get me started on the girls! (Ba-boom-TISH!)

I love this show so damn much... that I've decided that, from now until the end of this series, I'm going to make every Monday "Made in Chelsea Monday". Every week (if I remember) I'll do a post on a "Made in Chelsea" theme. It will be fab. For me.

And I know today isn't Monday. But that's okay.


Anyone else a "Made In Chelsea" fan???

Sunday, 13 October 2013

SOMETHING I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY . . .

I've become a bit addicted to various healthy eating blogs.

I actually enjoy looking at recipes and wondering if I could try them myself. A lot of the time the list of ingredients is the first hurdle and if it looks too long, or I don't understand what one (or more) of the ingredients is, then I may give up and move on. But I actually LOVE reading them, love finding healthy cheats and thinking about meal planning.

I know. I'm as shocked as the rest of you.

What are your favourite diet/healthy food blogs???

Friday, 11 October 2013

MUSIC SNOBS CAN GO SUCK IT . . .

Music snobs fuck me the hell off. In this respect...

You find a song via youtube you like because you have heard it featuring on a tv show or film and went to actively search for it . . . is that not a fucking good thing??? Especially for the band or singer in question. Right?

I feel like I must be missing something here.

Because you find an artist because of them having a song featured in some sort of show or whatever, and then you get slagged by the fans who already knew them and blah blah blah.  I'm sorry - just cos you were around since they formed or came out of their mother's wombs playing the ukulele or whatever DOESN'T actually make you better than folks who might have just not been exposed to this band's music before.

Grow the fuck up.

I've liked underrated artists in the past and I'm actually over-the-moon when their song gets played on some medium that may expose them to a wider audience. But you get these twats that think they are so much better because they knew a band from the outset.

So I may find a song (or two) by the Yeahyeahyeahs because of a Homeland or Hollyoaks advert, or come to love a band (Clean Bandit - who I still think you should check out by the way) because I hear their tune on Made of Chelsea.... but then I go and listen to their other stuff too because if a song has piqued my interest I've got to think "well, do they have other stuff I would like?" Much in the same way that if I found an author I loved I would want to check out their other books too. Or the way I discovered Dragonette or Amanda Leigh (Mandy Moore's folk album) through other people's blogs???

It's not rocket science. One of the  best ways to get your music out these days is if it's exposed to the masses in a programme, or an advert, or a film. Just because someone ends up liking a song as a result of that and, hopefully ends up becoming a fan of the musican(s) as a result... is that such a bad thing???

Personally, I don't think so anyway. Thoughts?

Thursday, 10 October 2013

THE HEALTH WAGON . . .

Since I got back from Majorca I have been soooo bad. Eating crap (today for lunch I had crisps - albeit healthyish ones - a bit of Mars Bar cake and a packet of Reece's Cups, which is a prime example of how badly I've been eating), drinking wine and my duty free vodka (by the way, if you can find it Absolut Grapevine vodka is so fucking delicious - you MUST try it), going to bed way too late . . . I need to be good again.

I don't even know why I USED the word "again". It's not like I'm ever that good, despite all my best intentions.

But tonight I've did a healthy online Sainsburys shop which will be with me tomorrow eve. There's cava in it so I will be drinking that tomorrow night. But only enough to do me tomorrow. Then it's only water, diet juice and healthy shit. I've ordered almond milk, gluten free bread, lots of protein . . . I'm going to smash the diet this week. Lowish calorie, lowish carbs and GOOD carbs at that, meal prep. And exercise. Lots of exercise.

And no booze. Eek.

My liver most definitely needs a rest most of all.

Add to that more sleep, not just using myfitnesspal to read other people's food diaries as I have been the last few weeks, finally getting my flat sorted (which is probably easier if I'm not lolling about the couch on the internet pissed) . . . oh, and did I mention I've just been promoted? So there's that too. :-)

Who's in?

Tuesday, 8 October 2013

THE GIRL ON THE THIRD FLOOR . . .

I'm creeping around a bit at the moment.

At least when I'm coming and going from my flat.

Accidentally flooding the three flats directly below you, regardless of it being a case of dodgy plumbing as opposed to your own fault, resulting in the water being switched off in the entire BUILDING for nearly 24 hours, will do that to a girl.

Especially since I essentially fled the country just three hours later, leaving others to clean up the mess. (Thank you dad! Thank you landlord! Fuck you, plumbing!)

So since I got back, on Saturday afternoon, I've only left and returned to the flat twice. Once on Sunday to meet my sister, today to go to work. When I open the door, I do it carefully, listening to see if anyone is about. Of course, that can easily change when you have three flights of stairs to ascend or descend.

I barely saw anyone in the building prior to about a week before the incident, save from the guy who lives opposite. Now I'm pretty convinced I am going to see them every time I leave the safety of my own flat.

The ironic thing out of all of this is I used to creep around my flatshare hoping not to run in to any flatmates. Moving into my own flat was meant to stop this from happening. But now I'm creeping around my building to hide from my neighbours.

I guess some things just never change...

Monday, 7 October 2013

CURRENT SONG ADDICTION . . .

This.




The song is amazing, but the video??? I really can't get it out of my head. I think it's because of the hypocrisy involved. I'm also not sure how Lily Cole's character had time to apparently shag every person in town, but I am kind of impressed....

(And yes, I'm aware that this song was out MONTHS ago but I didn't know it until last night so shhhh.)

Saturday, 5 October 2013

ON WHY I'M IRRESISTIBLE . .

So I got back from Majorca earlier today. Had a lovely relaxing time, despite finding out in the early hours of Saturday morning (bearing in mind I was getting up at 4am to be picked up) that something in my bathroom had caused the flats directly underneath me to flood, which started the holiday off for me with quite a bit of stress. But that SEEMS to have been sorted okay, so I tried, after I'd put my landlord and my dad (who had the spare keys) in touch, to not think about that too much.

The weather wasn't AMAZING, although certainly better than it is MEANT to be at this time of year, so my tan isn't brilliant. But I wasn't expecting it to be fantastic so I wasn't that bothered about that.

It was the mosquitos that cast the cloud over my holiday.

Because I am apparently irresistible to them. On a daily basis, several of them would feast on my flesh, taking chunks out of me.

The bastards.

We bought citronella spray to try and ward them off. We bought cream to soothe them. They still loved us, even with our pores oozing citronella, and the wounds caused by the bites were not calmed by the cream. To add insult to injury, they seemed determined to invade our hotel room and attack us there, like silent assassins. One night I got my exercise jumping about on our beds swatting them with a magazine as they congregated on the ceiling to plan their next attack of our bodies.

It seemed like virtually ever hour one of us would find a new bite. At one point I was bitten on the sole of my foot. THE SOLE OF MY FUCKING FOOT!!! It hurt to walk for two days.

It's also even harder than usual to attempt to tan one's legs when they are dotted in possibly infected bites. I could barely even stand to LOOK at them, let alone let other PEOPLE look at them.

This is the only reason why I'm actually happy I'm home. I'm also under strict instructions from my mum to make sure I contact her every day so she knows I haven't came down with malaria or some other mosquito bite related disease.

It's a shame that whatever makes me irresistible to mosquitos doesn't also make me irresistible to men.

But I guess 90 % proof blood isn't what most men are after....