Sunday, 25 August 2013

THE F BOMB . . .

So F got engaged a month or so.

Were you around for F? If not, he was the guy I fancied in high school. The one who I never told I liked him but ten plus years later I drunkenly started talking to him on FB and after an 8 hour epic facebook chat/drinking game I told him so and he basically said he had felt the same. And then he asked me out a few days later.

And it had been nice, of course, but after the first few weeks had descended into paranoia due to him ignoring me, and blahblahblahtheusual until I was eventually broken up with. Although can you call it breaking up when your "relationship" such as it was had been at the end consisted mainly of sexting and meeting up every few weeks or so for a couple of drinks then sex??? Probably not.

Anyway, I knew he was now in a relationship, and I knew the girl it was (I don't KNOW her, but she had been in one of his plays he'd been directing  so... yeah) but it still came as a wee bit of a shock when it appeared on my facebook timeline that he was engaged.

I looked at it, a bit taken aback, and then I clicked "like" as I realised I was genuinely happy for him. I don't think me and him were really meant to be. I think we both came along for each other at a time when we needed it - he wasn't long out of a very long term relationship and I had been out of my last relationship for a year and was feeling a bit rubbish about myself so to be validated by a high school crush was an AMAZING feeling - and although I was hurt when it all ended, I actually didn't shed that many tears over it considering I do cry over ANYTHING! So.... if this girl is the one... then good for him. He probably deserves it. Despite everything that went on between us, and the way it ended, he was actually one of the good ones.

It did get me thinking though about how any guy I get involved with seems to end up in a super-serious committed situation very soon after we end. I have two who are living with girls, two who are married (one with a kid), even one who ended up in a longterm relationship with one of my FRIENDS right after me (although that came to an end quite a while ago and she has been with someone else for a looooonnng time now.) And now F is engaged too.

Don't me wrong, it's not what I want at the moment. I've only just got to live on my own properly for the first time in 33 years and I'm not ready for a baby either, but I suppose I feel a wee bit bitter in a way. Even if it's NOT something I want right now, you get to a point when you think why didn't/don't THEY want it with you???

But then maybe that's why. Cos maybe they can tell I don't want it with them?

Who the fuck knows though...

3 comments:

  1. I think you nailed it on the head there. If you know that they aren't the one while your with them... then chances are they know that too. I think you can start freaking about this when its the guys you're talking babies & marriage with.

    Also though, I know too many people (guys especially) who are just feeling the pressure to settle down, and choosing the first decent girl they find. I think a lot of it has to do with the age were at.

    So no rush, it'll happen when it does.

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  2. There is a theory that at some time in our lives we are The One Before The One. I swear I've seen a movie about that too, but can't remember the title!
    Maybe you're just having a One Before the One period in your life! You'll be The One when the time is right!

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  3. I once dated a guy who wanted to marry the girl he dated before me, only she wasn't interested. I thought he was "THE ONE," only he had no interest in marrying me.

    We broke up, but kept getting back together for a night or a weekend or whatever. Then he met another girl, moved in with her and wanted to marry her. They broke up and he moved on to the next girl, who he did end up marrying.

    I felt really bad about it for awhile there, wondering why he seemed to want to marry everyone but me. Looking back on it now though, I'm glad we didn't marry. We still stay in touch from time to time, and we're just so different now. We would have just made each other miserable.

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