Monday, 19 August 2013

Last week I was ridiculously emotional. Like, seriously, my moods were just all over the place. Mostly negative, admittedly, swinging between extreme rage and random freakouts where I just burst into tears and sobbed like my heart would break.

Then my period started and it all sort of made sense.

But it just felt worse than usual. I dunno. I couldn't really put my finger on it. Sometimes you just feel like shit and you don't know why. This has been a weird year all in all. A lot of shit has happened. Nothing epically bad but lots of little things just piling up on top of each other until something really has got to give and the pile of shit is going to topple over and you're going to lose it. Or something.  I don't know where I was going with that metaphor, but I don't really know how to describe it either. It's strange.

Much as I love living alone, sometimes it's weird not to know I could have company if I want it. Maybe my head is just struggling to get use to the solitude after ten years of people always being around.

I want things to turn around though. I want the few months of 2013 to be better, to end the year on a high. I'll concentrate on trying to make myself fitter, continue trying to prove my worth, and hopefully everything will eventually fall into place and I won't feel like I'm struggling, and failing, to keep up with everything.

And, with that, I'm going to be bed. Because it may only be 10pm, and I may not be remotely tired, but my bed is probably the closest to a cuddle I'll get right now.

2 comments:

  1. I live alone and know exactly how you feel. Sometimes I embrace living alone but other times I totally miss having a buddy to watch bad TV with... grass is always greener, right?

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  2. First of all, bed cuddles are like my favourite thing in the world. Second, enjoy the adjustment. It's strange at first, but you know what, once you've got the routine down, you'll learn to love it. This new apartment is going to be your happy place in no time, trust me. Days like that are normal, it's just a part of change.

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