Thursday, 22 November 2012


The night before I went to Ibiza in August, I made the mistake (or amazing decision- it could be either!) of opening a mail order catalogue I'd been sent in the post. I'm not sure why I received this catalogue in the first place....

Actually, I suppose it's cos I'm one of those idiots who is a sucker for advertising and occasonally stupidly buys things advertised in the National Enquirer (AND buys the National Enquirer for that matter) like Equi-chews. You take a chew every five days and will lose five pounds. Yes. I bought them. And I need to be kept away from those infomercials on most freeview channels in the morning as I am seriously tempted by both the Insanity workout AND the steam cleaner. And I don't like exercise or cleaning, so what does THAT say about me???

Anyway, here is the catalogue in question. It has a woman in a padded bra on the front of it so you know it's really classy, and it's called "Home Shopping Selections." The bra is machine washable and tumble-dryer safe, by the way. Y'know, just in case you were thinking of investing in one. Or all three colours!

So, apart from the beautiful front cover underwear, what other delights are contained inside? Well, I'm glad you asked... (Apologies for the quality of pics by the way.... my battery on my phone was low so no flash.)

The super mini ear.... so, basically, an over-the-counter hearing aid then?

Ear cleaning machine.... for when you're too good for cotton buds.

This little gizmo looks actually like a piercing.... in reality it's a no-snore machine. It's not the prettiest. Wee bit bull in a field. Well,as long as it works I suppose!

A Manchester United watch. There are no other football team watches in this catalogue. Methinks these folk are biased.

No, don't repel the foxes! I love them.After all...

AHEM! Anyway, back to scheduled viewing now we've got that out of the way (in case you didn't already know.)

 Vibration dampeners.... taking the only fun we could get out of washing machines.

I don't even know how to use dry shampoo so I'm not sure a dog would. No wonder the poor dog in this photo looks confused.

Modesty panels for low cut tops? Trust me, the one thing I'm not modest about is my cleavage...

And speaking of modesty and cleavage and *sniggger* dirty stuff, this is where the catalogue got interesting.... there were sexy pages!!!!

We have a vast array of sex toys for your sex dungeon. Penis developers and rings, dream eggs, finger massagers and.... wait for it....

....and instructional dvd for Better Oral Sex!!!

It gets better. I mean, LOOK!!! Who needs toturn to tame crafts like scrapbooking or crocheting when you can shoot your own adult home movie or take some nude photographs...

 And then there's even some fiction available. Titles include Dominatrix, The Punishment Room and (my personal favourite title) DISCIPLES OF THE WHIP!

Yep, that's definitely my favourite section . . .

And I think this is my new favourite catalogue, although I doubt I'll buy anything out of it anytime soon.

Interested in any of these products???


  1. Hi hun just stumbled across your blog! great to find another Scottish blogger. Please check out the Scottish Blogger Events Network and sign up if your intersted.

    we have over 60 bloggers signed up already! x

  2. Ordering the bras as I type..... ;-) x

  3. I have the nose device! My ex made me wear one. It's SO uncomfortable. Also, I recently made my lady vicar friend watch Robin Hood because, "It's the basis of my entire sexuality!" I'm not sure why she needed this information, but she only laughed ar me a bit. We are deviants, Paula.


You wanna leave me a comment? Come on, you know you want to really . . . ;)