Saturday, 24 November 2012

MORE THOUGHTS ON BEING SINGLE . . .

I'm no nun. Well, only if nuns drink too much cava, have sex (occasionally), wear pink, show their cleavage and don't go to mass. So, I think we've agreed I'm not a nun.

Sometimes I do wonder if I may as well be one, but then I realise I want to be able to go to the pub whenever I want and I get pretty bored trying to pray, no matter how much my mum tells me to do it. I'm referring, however, to how bloody celibate I sometimes feel!

With the exception of the Ferry Guy, there has been no one since the disastrous reunion with the Ex at the end of last year.  There's been a few flirtations. There's even been a very brief drink (and very brief but lingering kiss goodye - if there can be such a thing) with Ferry Guy AGAIN back in August. And he still occasionally pops up in my messages and suggests hooking up, but it never comes to fruition. Don't get me wrong, I know it's all about sex. I don't really mind that idea.

I think if I REALLY was bothered about being single, I could have someone. I don't mean that in an arrogant "I could have any guy I want" kinda way; that shit bugs the hell outta me. But if I was willing to put myself out there, let random dudes chat me up more often, go on dating websites or whatever, I'm sure I could find SOMEONE who wanted to date me. I'm not that bad looking, I'm relatively intelligent and I'm pretty funny. I think I'm actually a pretty good catch all in all.

The problem is, I'm not a dater. Dates make me nervous. I say stupid things at the best of times. If I fancy someone, this gets twice as bad. Nay, about TWENTY TIMES as bad. Anyway, I don't want to date for dating's sake. That's not me. I know people who do. The ex, for example, is a dater (when he's not in a relationship that is) - he told me so, he loves it cos he gets to talk about himself. I'm not so good at that. Like I said, too nervous. I'm far better at putting my thoughts down on paper, or on a screen, than I am at saying them out loud. Maybe I should just opt for a virtual boyfriend and cyber sex? Probably easier for me!

I don't know if all of  this makes me odd. The fact of the matter is though, I'm not lonely. I have loads of friends, a nice life, an okay job. Do I occasionally come home and wish I had someone to cuddle at the end of my day? Sure. I think I would be a wee bit dead inside if I didn't sometimes feel that way. But ultimately... I'm happy. I don't have to worry about someone not texting me. I don't have to feel paranoid. I can just get on with things.

And, y'know that's okay. For now. It won't necessarily be okay forever. But being single isn't a bad thing. Even at 33.

I'm alright.

And anyway, I really need to tidy my room before I even attempt to bring a guy back here again, or it really WILL be over before it's started...

6 comments:

  1. Amen sista! I feel like I could have written this exact thing. I'm also not totally bothered by being single and I'm also not a dater because dates are soooo awkward and I can't handle it. But yeah I think if I wanted to I could probably date more. I think it's clearly not a huge priority for either one of us, and that's totally okay! If being in a relationship was high up on your priority list, you'd make time for it.

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  2. we run in circles...sigh.....

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  3. In my thought married life is better then a single. sometimes married life have some problems but these problems helps in experiencing more in daily life.
    If you have good partner then your life will be like heaven.

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  4. I so agree!

    After my dating disasters, I don't blame myself for choosing to stay single.

    As long as you are happy, that's all that matters!

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  5. I hope you had a merry Christmas and very happy new year!

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  6. Catching up on your blog. I missed it around here! And I don't see anything wrong with not being a dater. It's nerve racking.

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