I'm no nun. Well, only if nuns drink too much cava, have sex (occasionally), wear pink, show their cleavage and don't go to mass. So, I think we've agreed I'm not a nun.
Sometimes I do wonder if I may as well be one, but then I realise I want to be able to go to the pub whenever I want and I get pretty bored trying to pray, no matter how much my mum tells me to do it. I'm referring, however, to how bloody celibate I sometimes feel!
With the exception of the Ferry Guy, there has been no one since the disastrous reunion with the Ex at the end of last year. There's been a few flirtations. There's even been a very brief drink (and very brief but lingering kiss goodye - if there can be such a thing) with Ferry Guy AGAIN back in August. And he still occasionally pops up in my messages and suggests hooking up, but it never comes to fruition. Don't get me wrong, I know it's all about sex. I don't really mind that idea.
I think if I REALLY was bothered about being single, I could have someone. I don't mean that in an arrogant "I could have any guy I want" kinda way; that shit bugs the hell outta me. But if I was willing to put myself out there, let random dudes chat me up more often, go on dating websites or whatever, I'm sure I could find SOMEONE who wanted to date me. I'm not that bad looking, I'm relatively intelligent and I'm pretty funny. I think I'm actually a pretty good catch all in all.
The problem is, I'm not a dater. Dates make me nervous. I say stupid things at the best of times. If I fancy someone, this gets twice as bad. Nay, about TWENTY TIMES as bad. Anyway, I don't want to date for dating's sake. That's not me. I know people who do. The ex, for example, is a dater (when he's not in a relationship that is) - he told me so, he loves it cos he gets to talk about himself. I'm not so good at that. Like I said, too nervous. I'm far better at putting my thoughts down on paper, or on a screen, than I am at saying them out loud. Maybe I should just opt for a virtual boyfriend and cyber sex? Probably easier for me!
I don't know if all of this makes me odd. The fact of the matter is though, I'm not lonely. I have loads of friends, a nice life, an okay job. Do I occasionally come home and wish I had someone to cuddle at the end of my day? Sure. I think I would be a wee bit dead inside if I didn't sometimes feel that way. But ultimately... I'm happy. I don't have to worry about someone not texting me. I don't have to feel paranoid. I can just get on with things.
And, y'know that's okay. For now. It won't necessarily be okay forever. But being single isn't a bad thing. Even at 33.
And anyway, I really need to tidy my room before I even attempt to bring a guy back here again, or it really WILL be over before it's started...