I'm starting to think I've got a little bit of an addiction. No, I'm not talking about cava. I'm talking about twitter, that Great Social Network in the Sky. (Actually, that sounded really dramatic in my head, but really it makes it sound like twitter is dead. Which it kinda was for a wee while earlier today, but it's been resurrected Jesus-like so.... Oooh, wait then my description DOES sort of work. Shut up, Paula. Get on with it.)
I've been around the twittersphere (is that the official term for it? I don't think it is but I can't think what it ACTUALLY is) for about four years now. Just over four, in fact. And I have tweeted approximately 16000 times. Which actually isn't that much over the space of four years (4000 a year? Not too bad) but I'd say probably a big chunk of those tweets have occurred just in the last couple of months. I'm not quite sure why that is, but it does seem to have developed into a full scale addiction. ESPECIALLY, I notice, when I'm a little inebriated with the cava . . . then I turn into one of those "retweet-everything-you-see, make-cryptic-and-passive-aggressive-tweets and also overshare-a-lot" types. Not ALL of the time but well . . . MOST of the time? (Just kidding. I'm really not that bad. You should follow me. Don't let the fact you'll have to REQUEST to follow me put you off. It means I'm exclusive. Like a private members club or something. You never know what's on the other side of that little padlock. Maybe.)
I've spoken about my love of twitter before. And also hinted at my frustrations with it at times. But let's just put it out there now . . . what are my major annoyances? These are not necessarily things that ALWAYS annoy me. Most of the time I just let it all roll over me - it takes all kinds to make a world, and god knows, I am in no way the perfect Tweeter. I think we've already established this, right? Just when I'm feeling particularly irritated, these things get to me.
Requests for followers:
If i want to follow you, I'll follow you. I don't want you to ask me to follow you, or your friend. I don't care if you want to get to 100 followers or not. (Believe it or not, this is not the Twitter Guides. You will not get a "I have 100 followers" badge for passing that lofty goal. Not a REAL one anyway.You'll probably just get to 100 followers and then start asking to get to 200 followers. I'm not talking #followfriday here, just the begging requests.
Or the "If you follow this person and RE-TWEET that you followed this person then TWEET THEM AND TELL THEM AND THEN GET THEM TO TWEET ME TO TELL YOU THAT YOU FOLLOWED THIS PERSON THEN I WILL FOLLOW YOU BACK" folk. Okay, I'm going a bit far there, but I've bet you've seen folks like this. They also say "I always follow back", yet follow 30 people when they have 3000 followers. Just. Fuck. Right. Off.
People who DM asking for your phone number . . . repeatedly:
If I ignore you the first time . . . get the hint. If I tell you no after a couple of attempts where I've ignored you every time, seriously, get the hint. AND STOP FUCKING ASKING!
People who reply to you but actually have nothing to say everytime they do so:
I have one person (and if you're reading this, I've already told you it's annoying and you're still doing it) who replies to any of my tweets with things like "Oh", "Um..." and "Oh dear...". Is there a point to this? Am I supposed to know in which context to take this?
People who seem to reply to EVERY TWEET YOU POST:
That sounds so ungrateful, doesn't it? It sometimes just gets stressful feeling like then YOU have to reply or you'll look ignorant and then the Catholic guilt strikes and I end up feeling bad about looking ignorant and ending up in a conversation which goes on all day even though I actually have fifty million other things to do and fifty million of these conversations going on at once. And that's just on twitter. I also need to factor in text messages, facebook chat/messages/posts, emails and actual REAL LIFE CONVERSATIONS. It can get pretty stressful sometimes . . .
When Twitter goes and BREAKS on us:
It literally is LIKE THE END OF THE WORLD. Take earlier . . . it was like the world had frozen in time. There was one lone guy on my timeline, who appeared to be the only person who Twitter was working for (which made me wonder if he was some sort of evil genius who had actually possibly orchestrated the whole thing) and was talking to himself and apparently going mad. That was actually quite funny but in the meantime, I wondered what I was missing with all these strangers I had never met and (mostly) never intend to. I suppose it's a little bit like when a programme you are getting really into stops on a cliffhanger and then goes on hiatus indefinitely. You keep checking and checking to see when it's coming back on . . . BUT IT COULD BE GONE FOREVER!!!!
People slagging off what other people are tweeting about:
This is the most ironic one of all, coming from me and taking into context this whole post. But hey, I am nothing if not a self confessed hypocrite. Just call me Grace Dent (I'll put my review of her book "How To Leave Twitter" up here at some stage - if you've not read it, you should. If only to realise that a) you suck at twitter and b) so does she, kind of.) (She actually doesn't suck at it, by the way. I'm just jealous. I never got to be Queen of the Universe, and she apparently did.)
There are things I don't necessarily like reading about on twitter from people whose tweets I generally genuinely enjoy. Like pretty much every reality tv show going, with the exception of Made in Chelsea, which is my guilty pleasure. But basically anything like X-Factor, The Voice, TOWIE . . . they leave me cold. Or most sports (until I start live-tweeting the Olympics, that is. See? Hypocrite!)
But I don't like it when people slag off other's choice of subject to tweet about while on twitter. I think "Live and let live" - if i'm following someone who will put up with me chastising Spencer for stealing Louise off Jamie or slagging off Cheska for looking like a male Olly, then I'll take their weakness also!
So . . . that's all for now. I'm sure there's more, but my brain has stopped working as I haven't looked at Twitter for all of ten minutes and now I'm worried that something has happened in my absence. It's forced me into panic mode!
There may be a part two at some point. I make no promises . . . although I think I'll start noting down any more annoyances as they occur for future reference!
In the meantime though . . . what annoys YOU about Twitter???