Tuesday, 29 May 2012

STUFF . . .

It's funny how you don't always notice the point when you are over something. It only comes to you later on, and then you realise that something, those yucky feelings you'd been having for months, are no longer there, and they haven't been for quite some time.

For me, that realisation came the other day during an unexpected chat with my ex. I suddenly realised that, although I cared about him, I no longer had the feelings for him I once had. The desire for us to get back together. The misery I'd felt that he'd caused me in the messed-up, drawn-out aftermath of our break-up last summer. That constant feeling of walking on eggshells, not knowing if our when he was going to dump our so-called friendship - a friendship which, at the time, was bourne mainly out of my own desire to keep the lines of contact open in hope of a reconciliation

It had all changed now though. I felt relaxed around him. I felt, for the first time, that maybe we actually could PROPERLY be friends. I wanted him to find the woman of his dreams and be happy. I wasn't holding onto bad feeling about him anymore.

And, most importantly, it had actually been WEEKS since I'd felt horrible about the whole thing.

In those weeks since those feelings went away, slipped away without me even noticing, a lot has happened. I've realised that I was perhaps a bit close-minded when it comes to my life, to the way I do things. I've done a couple of things I would never have considered doing before, things that I was never really impulsive enough to do. I'm not talking massive things, like sky-diving or base jumping or whatever. I'm talking things like flirting with a guy I've never met before - or offering out my phone number in the space of 20 minutes or so. These are big steps for me. Honestly.

There's a saying somewhere about how the best way to get over a man is to get under another. I don't believe in that really. I don't need to get over anything anymore. There's no longer anything to get over.

At the same time, there's a lot to be said for the getting under part too. Regardless . . . ;-)

7 comments:

  1. Loving this chat. So pleased to hear you've got some Polly Swagger on - suits you! x

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  2. Huzzah!!! :D

    I like the Polly that doesn't mind behaving a little out of character once in awhile ;) x

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  3. I'm over here clapping my hands for you!!

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  4. *slowclap*

    Great job, it must feel awesome!

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  5. Yeyyyy!

    Kudos for misbehaving! x

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  6. I'm so glad!! Nice to have you a little happier again x

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  7. I'm only just back online to read this. I'm smiling massively. So pleased for you!It's a lovely feeling to be free of. x

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