Friday, 2 March 2012

DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT . . .

I like to pretend I know everything. And I DO like to know stuff. Like I've mentioned many a time, I have a fairly random general knowledge answer base stored in my brain, containing such weird stuff as capital cities circa 1988 - the year when I learned them all. (If you want to know the capital of Yugoslavia, or the USSR, or Czechoslovakia, I'm your woman. Ask me anything more recent than that and you might just stump me). One night about a year ago I was drunk and decided I wanted to know EVERYTHING. I ordered books about the Bermuda Triangle, Greek mythology and urban legends (once again - a rather random selection). I think I only stopped ordering books because I passed out. And I forgot I'd even DONE it until the books started dropping through the letterbox a few days later . . .

But anyway, the point is, I DON'T actually know everything. There's a lot of stuff I know feck all about; a lot of things there's no point in even TRYING to engage me in conversation about. Some examples?

  • FOOTBALL: If a bunch of guys (or girls) around me are talking about football, I'll either be wearing my puzzled face (if I'm TRYING to act like I know what's going on), or my I-don't-care face (which is far more honest). I am never even going to PRETEND to understand the offside rule (I once saw it explained on the internet by comparing it to a shoe shopping excursion but even THEN I was confused - I don't really like shoe shopping, which may be the problem.) I'm not one of those girls who likes football, or who PRETENDS to like football because it apparently impresses guys. I don't even particularly like looking at the footballers' legs (which is probably football's only saving grace) because they run too fast. It's just all a blur. And I never know which team is which. It's pointless to even TRY to engage me in conversation about it. Trust me.
  • POLITICS: It is actually quite embarrassing how little I know about politics. I know who the prime minister of the UK is and what party he is affiliated with, and I know who the US president is. I recognise a couple of names as being related to politics. But I honestly don't have a clue what's going on. There might be a vote of some sort coming up soon. I'm not really sure though. I'm not even sure what political party I even support. One part of politics I AM a virtual expert on though? OFFICE politics. But that's a WHOLE different kettle of fish...
  • FASHION: I love to talk about fashion and clothes but I know nothing about it - and I really don't understand why someone would pay an extortionate price for one item of clothing just because it's designer. My sister spends more money than me on clothes and sometimes she won't even tell me what something she has bought costs because she knows I just won't understand. I love clothes - but I tend towards the cheaper end of the scale, I'm afraid. If you tell me you've spent 300 pounds on a bag then I'm just going to shake my head and probably walk away.
  • SOAP OPERAS OR REALITY TV: No point in talking to me about "Eastenders", "Corrie", "One Born Any Minute", "Don't Tell The Bride" or anything along those lines. I pretty much loathe British soaps (with the exception of "Hollyoaks", which I could tell you the plot of in minute detail most days) because I find them utterly depressing, and I have no interest whatsoever in most reality tv shows. Why would I want to watch babies being born when they aren't anything to do with me? Or witness what is bound to be a car-crash wedding when the groom gets to decide all the important details of a wedding? And then why would I want to TALK about it afterwards?
Hmmm, I was sure I had more stuff than that, but I'm finding myself at a loss. I guess I know more than I thought.

Although probably best not to try to talk to me about the Bermuda Triangle or greek mythology just yet as I still haven't finished those books. Although I did manage to carry out a ridiculous conversation about the 'Triangle on a date once, and that was before I even OWNED said book . . .


What do YOU know nothing about?

5 comments:

  1. LOL. You're funny ...

    I know nothing about British soaps either ... or Australian soaps ... but I do know about Bold and the Beautiful (sad but true) and I also know about the Kardashians (again sad but true) ... but I don't know anything about desperate housewives ... unless they are the ones that live in Beverly Hills ... I know a little bit about them.

    I don't know anything about how clouds are formed or rocket science or how to fly a plane. I also know nothing about soccer nor grid iron, but I know a little bit about rugby league.

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  2. I thought I knew stuff too until I started attending college. Now I just feel like the stupid person who ever did walk the planet.

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  3. I am so with you on the football and politics.....xx

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  4. The shite reality TV shows. I don't know who these TOWIE cunts are, or the Scousewives, but I sincerely doubt they deserve the fucking TV shows or news coverage.

    What else don't I know about... hmmm. Football, yes. I know some things but am no expert. Politics - I know enough to have my views and to rant against Cameron and Clegg (bastards).

    Hmmm... I think that's all I can think of for now. x

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  5. The game of tennis. I have no idea how it works or what any of it means. How they add up the scores and what the sets mean. Meh.

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