I don't understand why I'm taking so long to get over this one.
In the past, don't get me wrong, it takes me a while to move on. But this one . . . it just seems to be impossible.
I hate when relationships end, and this one . . . it's got to me like no other one. Perhaps because we DID remain friends until very recently, perhaps because he then moved on to someone else so abruptly and may as well have cut me out of his life as a result.
I just feel so useless. One day I can think I'm fine about it, can think I've moved on and am over it . . . then the next some silly little thing happens and I want to share it with him and i can't and I just want to cry.
Sometimes I do actually think that the only thing I can do is actually move away. Because at those times it seems impossible to actually stick around here when I'm constantly terrified of running into them together. I was at a comedy gig the other night and was terrified I'd see him and he'd be with her. As it turns out, i didn't see him, but he WAS there and I have no idea who with, and to be honest, I think I would rather not know. All I DO know is that I was convinced he was behind me because I swear I could hear is laugh. And I was too scared to look in case that WAS him and I'd see who was there with him.
I knew when he moved on to someone else it would be like breaking up all over again, only worse . . . but I'm finding it so tough to deal with the loss of my friend. I don't want my happiness to depend on the way someone else is treating me. But at the moment, on this lonely Sunday afternoon, it sadly does.