I had a pretty big revelation about someone last night. Someone I had liked, trusted, fell for. Yet somehow it didn't surprise me.
If anything it's made me decide that now is the time to turn it off. The fact of the matter is, I have now wasted a year and a half of my life giving too much of a crap about someone who clearly didn't give too much of a crap about me (if you follow). So I'm wallowing no longer, overthinking no longer . . . I'm just done with the whole thing.
I'm moving on.
I'm not saying I'm planning to get involved with anyone else anytime soon, don't get me wrong. To be honest, I'm so utterly broken at the moment that it's going to take me a while to even consider it.And I don't want someone else to be the one to fix me. That's not a solution, that's just a band-aid for the pain, a temporary fix. I need to sort myself out. By myself.
So first thing on the agenda? To actually do what I planned to this year and get fit and healthy . . . and skinny! To get some savings sorted, to try and make some extra money . . . and to try and have some new experiences.
My 2012 has generally been a bit sucky so far (apart from my promotion, obviously!) - but I'm going to turn it around. I'm walking away from the crap.
Realising this has made me feel slightly better already. Baby steps . . .